A scene from Japanese action comedy BABY ASSASSINS 3. Courtesy of Well Go USA
Although BABY ASSASSINS 3: NICE DAYS is the third installment of what’s become an action comedy franchise, it’s not really necessary to have seen the first two to enjoy this action comedy. The eponymous assassins aren’t literal babies, of course. They’re a pair of late teen – early 20s Japanese lasses who act as girlish and giggly as typical anime co-eds between their contract killings… and sometimes even during. Akari Takaishi again plays pretty, feminine brunette Chisato to Saori Izawas’s blond-shagged tomboy Mahiro. They are again as charming as in the first feature, and more so than they were in the sequel, BABY ASSASSINS 2. That one was out of balance, with too much silly and too little shooting and slugging.
The plot – for those who care about such things – begins with our duo hired to whack a guy on assignment from their assassin’s guild. But when they try, a rival freelancer, Kaede (Sosuke Ikematsu) shows up with the same goal and comparable skills. As the three fight over who will get the kill, the target escapes. For the rest of the film, our pair with a few allies dash around trying to finish the job, and also eliminate Kaede, who continues to compete for the scalp. Kaede’s interference makes the association lose face, and cannot be tolerated.
There’s relatively little down time between action sequences in this fast-paced romp. The fight scenes are quite exciting, with a significant uptick in quality and quantity from the first two. Izawa’s resume includes far more stunt gigs than acting, and she deploys that experience to great advantage. This one is more her film than Takaishi’s, especially due to a couple of long intense fight sequences. She truly takes a licking and keeps on ticking, as they used to say in Timex commercials. Yugo Sakamoto, who wrote and directed all three, upped his game significantly from their last installment. His new stunt coordinators outperformed their predecessors in choreographing more elaborate and graphic gun fu scenes, yielding a higher body count.
Among the newcomers, Ikematsu gets to flesh out a character more complex and nuanced than the genre’s typical foe role. Iruka Minami (Atsuko Maeda) also delivers a solid turn as the prickly overseer who eventually shows other sides to her personality.
It’s not a spoiler to write that the titular pair survive this 2024 adventure, since they’ve already followed it with a 12-episode TV series, “Baby Walkure Everyday!”. Sakamoto wrote all of those and directed seven. They must be a huge hit in Japan to run such a long string. I hope our domestic home-market providers will continue importing whatever these lasses keep on doing.
BABY ASSASSINS 3: NICE DAYS, mostly in Japanese with English subtitles, is available via digital streaming of Blu-ray on Well Go USA starting Tuesday, Aug. 26, 2025.
Now, before the Summer of 2025 officially comes to a close, how about one last ride in a suped-up classic car with the law in hot pursuit as you cause thousands of dollars in property damage (other cars included). Hold up, they’re not sneaking that final FAST & THE FURIOUS flick into the multiplex unannounced. Oh, we have that to look forward to (or perhaps dread is more accurate). It seems that SUPERMAN wasn’t the only film zipping through the streets of Cleveland last year (both needed a year’s lead time). However, you’ll not be able to hear the screeching tires through Dolby Theatre’s speakers since this is a premiere streaming movie. And its title harkens back to the classic nursery rhyme, making us wonder if catching “by the toe” is possible when the driver’s nickname is EENIE MEANIE.
The story starts with a flashback when 14-year-old Edie defied the law (not the first time) by meeting her folks at a neighborhood “watering hole” and driving the sloshed pair home in the family car. Flash forward 17 years, as adult Edie (Samara Weaving) is partying a bit hard herself at the bachelorette party of her BBF “Babygirl” (Kyanna Simone). Edie’s got a full day ahead of her and starts it by waking up late, earning the ire of her boss at the bank. Naturally, a gang of crooks barges in, with one thug conking her on the head with his gun (which Edie tried to grab away from him). She wakes up in the doctor’s office, who tells her that she and her unborn child will be fine. WTF, pregnant?! Could it have happened during a brief “visit” with her now ex, bungling petty criminal John (Karl Glusman)? Now, Edie’s got to get to her junior college classes, but she goes past her bus stop in order to confront John at his sketchy apartment complex. When she arrives, he’s getting worked over by some “legbreakers”. Ignoring her first impulse to “dash”, she rescues him with the pair escaping in a stolen car. John brings her in on his latest scheme (she doesn’t give him her big news), which “goes South”. In order to cool things down, the duo begs forgiveness of the local crime boss (who has a soft spot for Edie, dubbing her “Eenie Meanie”), Nico (Andy Garcia). Seems that John has cost Nico a big “earner,” and the replacement fee is three million bucks! But Nico has a plan for them. The local casino’s having a big poker tournament with a three-million-dollar cash prize. No, John’s no good with cards, but Edie’s great with cars. Huh? Turns out that the cash prize will be put inside a classic Dodge Charger, which Edie will have to drive out of the crowded casino. The backup crew is all set, but can they possibly pull off this big “broad daylight” score, especially if John “gums up the works”? And when will Edie drop the big “baby bomb” on that doofus?
In the title role, Weaving does an engaging job of making many action film clichés feel fresh. Aside from putting her own “spin” on the “wheel man” role, she conveys the inner struggle of a young woman at a true crossroads. She’s got to leave her fun and footloose twenties and really plunge into adulthood as a prelude to motherhood. And though life has thrown a lot, a whole lot, at her, Weaving never makes Edie a victim, even as she talks about being put “in the system” and later, in the “joint”. I look forward to her future films (especially a sequel to READY OR NOT). She dominates the screen so confidently that it’s tough for co-star Glusman to shine. And though he thoroughly dives into his role, John’s more than a bit shallow. He’s a dimbulb for the first hour or so, getting naked or beaten up (or both) in order to liven up the pace and provide some cheap laughs. I’m sure Glusman could make him more sweet and endearing, like a destructive puppy, but the script doesn’t provide that. Which causes us to actively root against him and Edie getting back together. Garcia is very compelling and quite funny as the aging but still tough-as-nails “mini-kingpin”, whose gravelly voice goes up an octave when talking to his surrogate daughter Edie. Her real papa is played by the always entertaining Steve Zahn in the opening sequence, frantically warning Edie about a police stop, and later as we see him with his “start over” family facing a very different future. There are also several gifted comic actors in smaller roles. First there’s Randall Park, whose fate sets the big caper in motion, then Mike O’Malley as Nico’s sardonic best bud/caregiver, and Marshawn Lynch as the flashy getaway driver rival to Edie.
This film comes from writer/director Shawn Simmons, who’s truly going “all out” for his feature film directing debut as he mixes comedy, wild car stunts, and a touch of character drama. And some of it works very well, especially in creating the unique character of a woman “wheel man” in the same league as BABY DRIVER and DRIVE. He also makes excellent use of the grimy, mean-looking streets of Cleveland. Yet, much of the material feels worn and listless. What doesn’t really help is the story’s radical change in tone during the flawed final moments when a major character almost becomes an evil clone of the person we’d seen in the previous 80 minutes (I thought of that classic Trek tale “Mirror, Mirror”). A “tacked-on” rose-colored epilogue just doesn’t fit with that big reveal. The racing fans will enjoy seeing some of their favorite “muscle cars” careening past the squad cars, but aside from Ms. Weaving, there’s little that really puts the “pedal to the metal” in the uneven exploits of EENIE MEANIE.
2 Out of 4
EENIE MEANIE streams exclusively on Hulu beginning on August 22, 2025
Bob Odenkirk as Hutch Mansell in NOBODY 2, directed by Timo Tjahjanto. Courtesy of Universal Studios
Regular readers of mine and other reviewers are undoubtedly familiar with the complaint about “sequel drop-off.” Follow-ups trying to cash in on the popularity of the first rarely match the magic. In fact, that phenomenon is so common that disappointing scions usually get more of a sigh of resignation than outrage. The latter is saved for lame remakes and re-boots. The superfluous re-creations of THE BISHOP’S WIFE and MR. AND MRS. SMITH come readily to mind as particularly odious. This one’s thankfully at the opposite end of the spectrum. Ain’t no drop-off to be found in NOBODY 2.
I loved NOBODY notably because of its surprise factor. Hutch (Bob Odenkirk) appears to be an ordinary suburban nebbish whose life is drab, drab, drab. Dull job; cookie-cutter cul-de-sac. An UNfunny Rodney Dangerfield on the respect scale. He’s easily pushed around by others and dismissed by his own family. That’s until someone presses the wrong button, unleashing the inner demons of a highly skilled former covert operative, akin to Jason Statham’s BEEKEEPER character. The resulting film blended high-octane action with character comedy to deliver a real hoot for viewers.
This isn’t a new premise by any means, but the aforementioned surprise factor of its “reveal” was greatly enhanced by its titular star. Odenkirk had been known for offbeat skit comedy and his sketchy Saul Goodman lawyer persona from “Breaking Bad” and “Better Call Saul.” Nothing in his resume presaged a guy who would suddenly kick ass without bothering to take names.
Rather than just trading on unsealing the can of whoop-ass we already know exists within him, they upped the ante on the action. Big time. In the first, the inner Hutch was triggered by a home invasion. This time it’s bullies ruining the peaceful vacation he’d planned for his family (Connie Nielsen, with kids Gage Munroe and Paisley Cadorath) at a huge amusement park. That venue was picked because it was Hutch’s only childhood trip with his dad (Christopher Lloyd) and brother (RZA), and he wanted to share that joyful memory with his brood. But, much like “Wonder World” in BEVERLY HILLS COP III, beneath the noisy, colorful attractions lurks a major criminal enterprise – this one run by psycho-bitch Lendina (Sharon Stone, channeling Snow White’s evil queen with a heavy dose of Pacino’s Scarface), who blithely kills anyone who crosses her, including all innocent witnesses unlucky enough to be in the vicinity. It’s tough to top the Russian mobsters of the original, but she and her minions manage quite nicely.
As before, the film opens with a battered Hutch being interrogated by a couple of detectives wondering who he could be, and then cutting to the main story from its beginning, leading to the inevitable climactic battle that out-dazzles the warehouse shootout of the first in all respects. The heavy dose of violence is again tinged with varying degrees of comedy. This production is further boosted by a few plus factors. The family is more involved. Hutch’s struggle to just have the intended vacation despite growing obstacles, due to no fault of his own, is more emotional. And casting Colin Hanks as one of the bad guys, unlike anything we’d expect from him or his daddy, Tom, adds to the comic value.
Despite changes of writers and director, the result is just what fans of the first hoped it would be. For pure escapist fun, including bad guys gettin’ blowed up real good, NOBODY 2 is as close as you can get to a sure bet.
NOBODY 2 opens in theaters on Friday, Aug. 15, 2025.
Akari Takaishi as Fumika, in the Japanese fantasy dramedy GHOST KILLER. Courtesy of Well Go USA
The Japanese action dramedy GHOST KILLER blends an element of the supernatural with its underworld (the criminal kind, not the realm of the damned) format. Kudo (Masanori Mimoto) is an assassin who is betrayed and killed as the movie opens. Fumika (Akari Takaishi) is a timid college girl who happens to pick up the shell casing from the bullet what offed him when she trips on the street where he involuntarily shuffled off his mortal coil. That magically connects the two (don’t ask how), allowing Kudo to take over her body whenever she touches his hand to trigger the switcheroo in moments when his skills are needed for mutual survival. She is understandably freaked out, but reluctantly agrees on the belief that the only way for his ghost to move on and leave her alone is to avenge his death via her body.
This is somewhat reminiscent of the Steve Martin/Lily Tomlin comedy of yore, ALL OF ME, in which the odd couple of comic legends clash over control of one body. Fumika is the wimpiest of women, containing no instincts, skills or predilection for the violence that must ensue. The comedic side comes mostly from her resistance to the necessary actions, yielding to dependence on Kudo in various crises. Neither of them were at all prepared for this linkage or understand quite how it works.
The tone is mostly silliness with spurts of fighting and shooting until reaching a rousing climactic battle. Takaishi’s looks and timidity are adorable. This is particularly interesting for those who’ve seen her in the series of BABY ASSASSIN flicks, in which she paired with Saori Izawa as teenage non-mutant ninja hit persons for variably amusing rounds of comic mayhem, easily flaunting the essential skills and dedication to their jobs.
There’s nothing special or memorable about most of this, though the climactic battle is worth whatever impatience one may feel during the run-up. Akari’s charm can probably carry just about any load she chooses, and the fight choreography is well above average. Mimoto comes through as a fine co-protagonist, and Mario Kuroba’s Kagehara plays off them well in a key supporting role.
GHOST KILLER, in Japanese with English subtitles, is available on digital formats from Well Go USA starting on Tuesday, July 22, 2025.
Josh Hartnett in FIGHT OR FLIGHT. Courtesy of Vertical Entertainment
Everything is exaggerated and over-the-top in the action-comedy FIGHT OR FLIGHT but the sky-high, stunt-filled film starring Josh Hartnett, which is really both fight and flight, certainly delivers on popcorn entertainment, both in the high body count action and the silly, strangely British-flavored comedy. Josh Hartnett is very entertaining as a disgraced, drunken Secret Service agent trying for a second chance, with an assignment to bring in a mercenary assassin who is on a plane where nearly everyone is trying to kill one or the other of them.
Action-comedy FIGHT OR FLIGHT opens with a shot of a jet flying high against a blue sky, as “The Blue Danube” plays, then cuts to a shot of a passenger aboard that flight, with eye mask and neck pillow, being rudely jolted awake as a brawl spills across the aisle, followed by a pan to the other aisle of the wide-body plane, where another army of brawlers are battling. All roiling with only the Blue Danube for sound, It gives to a taste of what this entertaining, silly, stunt-filled action-comedy has in store.
The opening is a clever set- up for this highly entertaining, high body count stunt fest with a John Wick vibe and goofy humor, which for some unknown reason felt British to this reviewer. No thinking required for this popcorn escapist delight and actually it might actually give you a headache to try to figure some details out. Just buckle-up that seat belt and go along for the comedy and action ride.
We next cut to 12-hours earlier, on the ground, as a young guy in a suit bounces happily down a city street, listening to “Sunshine and Lollipops” – until a phone call sends him into sends him into an angry string of cursing as he hurries to work. Cursing the doorman and being rude to everyone on his way, this jerk storms into work, hoping to avoid his boss.
Work for our cursing, arrogant guy in the suit, Aaron Hunter (Julian Kostov, from “White Lotus”), is at an private security agency run by ex-CIA folks doing similar work for private clients. Something has gone horribly wrong in Bangkok, and our suit is hoping to dodge his boss on the way in. He doesn’t.
Arrogant, foul-mouthed Hunter arrives to get the update from his assistant, Agent Robinson (Jyuddah Jaymes), but snarls at another agent, Simmons (Willem Van Der Vegt), when he chimes in with new information. When the boss, Katherine Brunt (Katee Sackhoff), shows up, Hunter tries to talk his way out of trouble with a string of excuses, until Agent Simmons calmly and efficiently provides the information Hunter doesn’t have, quietly showing him up in front of their boss Brunt.
The dry-humor workplace comedy bit is one of several occasional touches of silliness to come, comic relief amid the stunt action mayhem. That action and comedy balance is part of what makes this popcorn flick such fun.
What has gone wrong in Bangkok is an explosion that wiped out their whole team at that location, The bigger problem this creates is with their assignment to capture an elusive assassin known as the Ghost. Although no one has ever photographed the assassin, they know the Ghost is in Bangkok, and is not headed for the airport. The nearest other team is an hour and a half flight away. Desperate measures are needed. The desperate measure is to call disgraced U.S. Secret Service agent Lucas Reyes (Josh Hartnett).
Hartnett’s Lucas Reyes is trapped in Bangkok and currently drinking himself to death, unable to leave after being placed on the No-Fly list and having his passport revoked. But Lucas is not too happy to hear from his old buddy Brunt, with whom he also has a romantic history and now distrusts. Still, he eventually, reluctantly agrees to the assignment, in exchange for a new passport, a ton of cash, and lifting the no-fly ban.
Brunt knows which flight the Ghost will be on but has no photo to share. Lucas’ assignment is to locate the Ghost on the flight, take the target into custody and hand the assassin over to Brunt when the plane arrives in San Francisco.
What Lucas doesn’t discover until they are in the air, is that nearly everyone on the plane is there to kill him or kill the Ghost. He has to survive – and keep the Ghost from being killed too, to collect his fat paycheck.
The plane is a double-decker wide body, with a luxury class, first class and coach seating. Luckily, Lucas gets some help from flight attendants Isha (Charithra Chandran, of “Bridgerton”) and Royce (Danny Ashok).
Josh Hartnett is terrific as the hard-drinking yet strangely very capable Lucas, who would like to get his life back on track but still craves the drink. Lucas Reyes is that familiar hero in need of a second chance. The hard-drinking Lucas is a sad soul at a crossroads, and someone with a bit of a heart, despite being a mercenary. And he is amazingly good at his job, despite the copious amount of alcohol he consumes.
Supporting cast is good as well. Brit Charithra Chandran is excellent in her role as Isha, and Katee Sackhoff is spot-on as hard-as-nails boss Brunt. Julian Kostov is funny as the foul-mouthed Hunter, and Marko Zaror is over-the-top as a weirdo passenger who goes by the name Cayenne. Hugie O’Donnell plays the overly-dramatic lead flight attendant, Garrett, while Sanjeev Kohli and Declan Baxter play the unflappable pilot and more “flappable” co-pilot, respectively.
An endless stream of adversaries come for Lucas but the film alternates between comedy and action, with a few breaks for brief character development scenes. The humor in FIGHT OR FLIGHT has a vaguely British feel but actually the film is American, albeit with an international cast the includes some Brits. At other times, the comedy is pure AIRPLANE. The action/comedy’s John Wick feel has more of a basis, as it was produced by the same team as the John Wick ones.
Emmy-winning director James Madigan does well helming his first feature film. keeping things moving briskly and balancing comedy and action well. The script by Brooks McLaren and D. J. Cotrona is pretty wild but has nice touches that lift this entertainment offering out of the familiar and predictable, while still satisfying its audience.
The entertaining action/comedy is also packed with colorful characters, great stunt fights along side silly humor, plus a bit of a heart and even a message against about slave labor being used to build smart phones.
Describing more would create spoilers, so we’ll stop here on that. The film is fast, fun, and keeps your interest throughout with both good characters and stunt work. Moving around the large plane keeps the visuals varied, as Hartnett’s Lucas battles one adversary after another. The John Wick vibe is strong but there is a bit of Indiana Jones too, although Hartnett’s drunken assassin is no intellectual heavy weight. he’s still likable. What happens with the Ghost we would say more about, to avoid spoilers, but it adds another layer of interest, as both of them are trying to survive the flight on a plane full of assassins.
Tons of action ensues, but many of the characters have a comic bent, while Lucas Reyes alternates between beating people to a pulp, heavy drinking and soul-searching. Josh Hartnett is surprisingly good and very likable in this oddball role, and you can’t help but root for him. Not in the fights, where he seems to defeat all with ease, no matter how much he drank, which is a nice comic bit. Hartnett reportedly did his own stunts, and looks pretty good doing them.
The stunt work is terrific, with that John Wick feel you might expect from these producers. The stunts are varied, and feature an array of characters, which keeps them interesting. Director James Madigan cleverly uses the action sequences to advance character development, and the action is nearly non-stop, with brief breaks for exposition and more character development, and of course, comedy.
Director Madison keeps everything cooking, and moving briskly in this film that runs under two hours, This is a high body count action film with an R rating but the action is stunt-work with a cartoon violence style rather than gore, although there is blood.
FIGHT OR FLIGHT is purely popcorn action comedy fun, despite a little bit about fighting slave labor used to produce smart phones. It is ridiculously far fetched but fast-paced and laced with humor, topped off by a winning performance from Josh Hartnett as a surprisingly likable drunken assassin. This is well-done, highly-entertaining popcorn fun. If you aren’t squeamish about the high body count that all its cartoon violence delivers, this fast-paced mix of laugh-out-loud comedy and high-octane stunt fighting is a good escapist distraction from a grim real world.
Last month, we got the first of the 2025 movie superheroes to arrive as the new Captain America threw his shield down the hallway of the multiplex (and hopefully “konked” the Red Hulk). Now we’ve got a few weeks until the second “wave” washes up with those THUNDERBOLTS, so what will tide the fans over till then, eh? How about a mild-mannered guy who doesn’t don spandex, fly, or even punch holes in concrete walls? Yes, he doesn’t have a real “super power,” but he’s got a lil’ “something special” that sets him apart from us. You may just figure out “his deal” by his nickname, which also happens to be the title of this new (not from a graphic novel or video game) action comedy thriller, so let’s give NOVOCAINE a shot (sorry, bad dental pun).
This dude’s actual name is Nathan “Nate” Caine (Jack Quaid), a “mild-mannered” thirty-something who is the assistant manager at a San Diego bank. We first meet him at the start of his work day at his modest apartment. Hmm, why do tennis ball covers adorn the door knobs and the edges of his tables (coffee and kitchen)? That’s something to ponder as he enjoys a banana and kale shake right out of the blender for breakfast. He’s at the bank early for a pre-Christmas “pep” talk from his boss. The only person who’s late is Nate’s unrequited “work crush,” a fetching new teller named Sherry (Amber Midthunder). Later, they encounter each other in the break room as she accidently bumps into him as he’s pouring very hot coffee into a mug filled with ice cubes (weird). Nate doesnt yell in agony as the liquid scalds his hands. Sherry feels so bad that she invites him to Lunch as an apology. At her favorite diner, she orders her usual cherry pie while Nate gets a vanilla milkshake. After many attempts to offer him a bite of her pie, Nate confesses to his “gift”. He has a medical condition that doesn’t allow him to feel pain. And now it’s only liquids, so he won’t somehow bite off his tongue (eww). And his watch alarm goes off every three hours to remind him to empty his bladder (again, eww). This doesn’t disgust Sherry; maybe it intrigues her, So they decide to meet later for drinks. Before that, Nate drops by his home for a quick online game while on the phone to his only pal, though they’ve never met in person, video game opponent Roscoe (Jacob Batalon). At the bar, Nate runs into an old school mate who reveals his middle school nickname, “Novocaine”. And yet Sherry goes home with Nate, and, well; let’s say he can feel pleasure. Things don’t get “weird” at work the next day until three heavily armed Santas waltz in and rob the place. They take Sherry hostage and force Nate to open the vault. The police arrive, but the trio has superior firepower and drives away in two vehicles. Nate is sure that they’ll murder Sherry unless he takes action by swiping the gun and car of the wounded cops. Can he get to her in time? And can his “power” somehow give him the advantage over the dangerous heist crew?
Let’s get this out of the way: the film has not one but two “nepo-babies” in its cast. One is the lead, Mr. Quaid, though he’s already made a name for himself in several films and TV shows before his big breakout role in Amazon Prime’s streaming hit “The Boys”, which happens to deal with enhanced folks (though he’s not one). Well, the role of Nate is the showcase that could propel him into “leading man” territory. And that’s great because Quaid is quite engaging here as a “nice guy” who is finally breaking free of the protective cocoon he’s wrapped around his body (and especially his heart). He conveys the soaring joy of new love and a chance for freedom, which fuels his surprising heroism. But Quaid also has a great knack for slapstick as he contorts himself to evade the thugs, much like the silent film “clowns”, before being propelled by the furious fists that do connect. In one sequence, he really shines as he feigns agony during torture to “buy some time”. His action “dancing” is superb, but he’s tenuous and tender with Ms. Midthunder (so great in the “should’ve-been-in-theatres” PREDATOR prequel PREY). She’s fun and flirty, as she interacts with this “odd duck” over pie and drinks even “special shots”). The two have a sweet chemistry in their “getting to know you” exchanges as Shirley finds Nate’s quirkyness attractive. But we’ve got to have the baddies, who are led by the other “NB”, Ray Nicholson, son of Jack, who flashes that demented grin as he unleashes all manner of mayhem on law enforcement and the determined Nate. Luckily, Nate gets some great back-up, just like Holland’s Spidey, from the funny Batalon, whose Roscoe “pumps us his persona” while being in a panic over his probable ties to Nate’s somewhat illegal pursuits. Which also raises the interest of two veteran cops, who are always a few steps behind, played by Betty Gabriel, who may be the “good cop” as she’s often sympathetic (while tracing a call from Nate), and Matt Walsh, not the “bad cop” but rather a really exhausted one, who only wants to wrap theings up and do Christmas with the “fam”.
This bit of high concept chaos was helmed by the “tag team” directing duo of Dan Berk and Robert Olsen, who add lots of visual flourish to Lars Jacobson’s script. It’s an interesting twist on superhero tropes, though we can often feel its legacy, with Nate as a kid brother to Stanley Ipkess of THE MASK (he’s shy and smitten, too), mixed with DARKMAN and KICK-ASS, both without pain receptors. Some have made comparisons to Marvel’s THE WOLVERINE, though he’s got that self-healing mutant ability. Nate must constantly “self-repair” with bandages, ointments, “superglue,” and even staples. And then the loss of blood drains him so much that he needs a “jolt” from an EpiPen (much like Spinach for the OG superhero POPEYE). And that’s a big problem with the film as Berk and Olsen, go overboard with the painful slashing and stabbing, sadistically zooming in on Nate’s oozing injuries until the viewer is almost numb to each new bit of practical effect gore. It’s not helped by several “leaps of logic” (a “deep-fried” pistol still works) that get to pile up during the film’s tring 110-minute length, which affords it the opportunity to keep piling on endings and final showdowns (he’s down and…he’s up). Mind you, there’s a lot of charm in that engaging tender romance of Shirley and Nate, but it’s tossed aside for double and triple-crosses and squirm-inducing scenes of “emergency room” nightmares. Action fans will get their “John Wick-lite” fixes, and Quaid’s stunned reaction shots are pretty amusing, but the mayhem tends to get monotonous, making most moviegoers feel as though their keisters somehow got an extra-strong dose of NOVOCAINE.
February has finally arrived, the month of romance with that big holiday for sweethearts almost “smack dab” in the middle. And naturally, the Hollywood studios are certainly ready to cater to the big occasion, perhaps making a trip to the cinema a fitting finale to an evening of bubbly, flowers, and swanky dinners. Now this year they’re not content to merely release a “swoony” romance or even a riotous “rom-com”. No, moviemakers are mixing things up with the two big releases this weekend. One adds elements of horror flicks and thrillers in HEART EYES. In another section of the multiplex is this “high-concept hybrid” which sprinkles in some “mushy stuff’ with a a fast and frenetic action crime thriller. And with all the roundhouse kicks and furious fists, it’s clear, and not an understatement, that LOVE HURTS.
The opening scene of the story takes us to suburban Milwaukee, where a lovely dark-haired woman exits a bus, whips out a big marker, and quickly vandalizes an ad on the bus stop bench. Getting the black ink embellishments is the image of the top salesman for Frontier Reality, Marvin Gable (Ke Huy Quan). Back at his own modest home, he whips up some Valentine’s cookies to dole out at an open house in a fairly new subdivision. He’s a bit annoyed by one of his defaced signs, but carries on, extolling the house to several possible buyers. A bit later he heads back to headquarters and checks in with his bored assistant Ashley (Lio Tipton). Ducking into his office, Marv is punched by someone in the shadows. When he comes to, Marvis is surprised to see an old “frenemy” the poetic knife-wielding assassin known as “The Raven” (Mustafa Shakir). Turns out that Marv was a former “enforcer” for a criminal gang run by his own brother, “Knuckles’ (Daniel Wu), who now believes that a former accountant named Rose, who embezzled several million dollars from him, is still alive. Since Marv was supposed to have eliminated her years ago, Raven wants Marv to reveal Rose’s hiding place. The surprised Marv gets the upper hand, dashes away to a model home, and is beset by two goons, Otis (Andre Eriksen) and King (Marshawn Lynch), sent by Knuckles’s new “right-hand man”, Merlo (Cam Gigandet). This new battle is soon halted by the arrival of the “lady in question”, the “back from the dead” Rose (Ariana DeBose). So, just why did Marv spare her life (the holiday is a big hint)? And can the duo, despite Marv’s “new persona” survive the henchman hordes dispatched by the enraged Knuckles? Could this be a new “Valentine’s Day massacre” for the 21st century?
In his first feature film outing (and first lead role) since his Oscar win for EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE, Quan is a delirious delight as the sweet, “mild-mannered” realtor who transforms into a whirling dervish of destruction. His mix of expert comic timing and physical prowess. much as with Jackie Chan and even going back to the silent clowns, Chaplin, Keaton, and Lloyd, make his milquetoast Marv a most unlikely action hero. Quan somehow balances his furious fighting with a kind and gentle demeanor that earned him so many fans during that 2023 awards season. Speaking of trophies, the actress who handed him the gold (a year after she received her own), DeBose makes Rose an enigmatic but playful femme fatale, as she draws the audience to her, perhaps to ponder and solve the mystery of this “lady on the run”. Her ultimate pairing with Quan is worth the wait as DeBose becomes his guide and coach, inspiring Marv to be his “true self”. But it takes their combined skills to confront the revenge squads sent out by Knuckles played with a banal, casual cruelty by the unpredictable Wu. Tipton excels as the emotionally numb Ashley (a spin on Aubrey Plaza in TV’s “Parks and Recreations”), earning laughs and pathos when the brooding killer poet played with dark intensity by Shakir ignites a spark of passion buried deep within her. There’s also comic chaos generated by the other main baddies, Gigandet, Eriksen, and the rampaging “human bulldozer” King played with good humor by former pro footballer Lynch. But the biggest comic support can be found in the smaller supporting roles of the captured crooked “bean-counter” given lots of manic energy, though he’s mainly taped into a chair by the the superb Rhys Darby, and the simple, but warm-hearted “good ole’ boy” boss of Marv played by Quan’s GOONIES pal Sean Astin, a nice guy scooped up in this underworld war.
And speaking of firsts, this is the first directing job for stunt coordinator Jonathan Eusebio, Perhaps this cemented a “simpatico” bond with his leading man since Quan was himself a “fall guy” for many years. And this accounts for the very creative fight sequences, full of energy and great wit, as Marv tries to quickly assess the situation and use all manner of nearby household items for defense and attack (staplers can inflict pain and block lots of deadly blades). Eusebio has a good visual eye, especially in an early variation of the montage, as prospective clients change as Marv strolls from room to room in the model house. The location work is also tops with Manitoba subbing very well for Milwaukee. Plus he expertly guides the cast as the script goes from slapstick romp to deadly sibling showdown. The biggest problem may be with the abundance of stunt scenes as they feel like “plate-spinning” as the story nears the big reveals and the finale. Thankfully the filmmakers probably realized this since the flick clocks in under ninety minutes (no need for a BRUTALIST intermission). Action fans will get their needed “fix” without feeling as though they’ve taken too many rapid kicks to the noggin. As I mentioned earlier, the pairing of Quan and DeBose makes an inspired couple of pain-relievers to ease the sting and aches when LOVE HURTS.
A scene from A LEGEND, starring Jackie Chan. Courtesy of Well Go USA Entertainment
I’ve been such a huuuge Jackie Chan fan for so long I never pass up one of his releases, even though he’s been largely coasting on fumes for a while. In his prime, no one from ANY country crafted and executed scintillating action with comedy and charm like he did. But he turned 70 last spring (April 7, for those who want to celebrate his next birthday), and understandably can’t do what he did in front of the cameras, despite the amazing degree of agility and stamina he still has after so many years and so many injuries. Just what’s been recorded in the legion of outtakes during decades of credits would have killed most mortals – including the dudes from those “Jackass” programs.
A LEGEND is a dramedy that dives into historical fantasy, as present-day archeology professor Jackie pursues ancient artifacts in a mostly wrap-around format, with elaborate staging of ancient battles between the Han Dynasty and the Huns, all triggered by finding a key relic from that era. Jackie and his students have the same recurring dreams about those ancient events, in which they looked exactly like several of the main figures. A much younger-looking Jackie was a general for, of course, the good guys. Events of the two periods are paralleled, as the quest for a hidden treasure-filled, power-granting cache drives both eras’ plot-lines.
The story is rather stale and much longer than it needed to be. It runs over two hours for maybe 90 minutes worth of content, with too much exposition dragging down the pace. But several battle scenes are epic in scale, backed by some gorgeous art design. In those major clashes, there’s considerably more blood and gore than in most of Jackie’s films. There’s also considerable CGI mastery in the mix, NOT including whatever they did to make Jackie look young in the historical sequences. Joan Rivers’ plastic surgeon delivered a more realistic appearance than what he got.
Throughout the film, most of the action, drama and romance are carried by Jackie’s handful of rather bland young co-stars, with relatively little of the Jackie we’ve all admired. But in the climactic sequence, he’s back for a typically frenetic fight with fast action and some of his signature comedic reactions. Patience with all that went before is rewarded… at last.
Several lyrical scenes rival the likes of CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON for color and scope. One might enjoy this even more by fast-forwarding through chunks of dialog for undiluted focus on the good stuff.
A LEGEND, in Mandarin Chinese with English subtitles, is available on digital Bl-Ray or DVD from Well Go USA starting Tuesday, Jan. 21.
Take those jack o’lanterns to the dumpster, it’s Christmas time, at least according to the multiplex (and Thanksgiving gets very little screen time other than PLANES, TRAINS, AND AUTOMOBILES). One such flick is already getting moviegoers in the “spirit” with the modestly budgeted THE BEST CHRISTMAS PAGEANT EVER packing them in after only a week. Well, it’s time for the big studios to load up your stocking with lots of action and firepower. Hey, we get plenty of holiday comedies and romances, so how about a butt-kickin” Kringle? That’s the formula for this, an expansion of the movie within a movie “The Day the Reindeer Died” from the opening of 1988’s SCROOGED, along with lotsa’ laughs in between explosions and a heartful message snuck in. Hopefully, it comes together like a warm fruitcake (and probably tastier) in RED ONE.
Unlike many holiday tales (especially variants of “A Christmas Carol”), this one begins with a flashback as little Jack O’Malley sours the eggnog by debunking the Santa mythos at a big family gathering. Jump cut to now as Santa Claus AKA Nick (J.K. Simmons) is listening to the gift lists from a long line of kids in a busy mall. Luckily a very big, buffy helper/elf named Callum (Dwayne Johnson) is there to make things go smoothly. When the line ends, the two are whisked through a secret exit because this Nick is the “real deal”. He likes to speak with the kiddos to get in the proper mood before he’s on his rounds the next day. And thanks to the secret government agency M.O.R.A. (Mythological Oversight and Restoration Authority) headed by Zoe Harlow (Lucy Liu), they head to the North Pole, through the invisible force field that hides Santa’s workshop where Mrs. Claus (Bonnie Hunt) is working with various creatures (including a talking polar bear) on making all the presents. Meanwhile, the now adult Jack (Chris Evans) is using his criminal skills to nab a top-secret piece of tech for an unknown client. Oh, it turns out that Callum is indeed an E.L.F. (Enforcement Logistics and Fortification), who is planning on retiring after centuries on the job. But something is off, as he sees several lights go out on the big tower. Oh no, they’ve been breached and a heavily equipped band of raiders has grabbed Nick. They’ve got to find him in order to save Christmas. Zoe points him to Jack, and after picking up his pre-teen son from school (things are strained after the divorce), he’s “detained” by the ELF squad. Callum and Jack must team up to find the tech buyer. The squabbling duo embarks on a worldwide trail that leads them to Santa’s half-brother Krampus (Kristofer Hivju) who has a connection to a powerful witch named Gryla (Kernan Shipka) who will stop at nothing to turn all those yuletide dreams into unending nightmares if Callum and Jack don’t thwart her plans in time.
The big “draw” in this bombastic holiday havoc is probably Johnson, though there’s not much to Callum. He’s there to look intimidating and cool (usually with some rockin’ shades) and to try and convince us that this is his last “big show”. Sure, his action “moves” are quite impressive, but he’s mainly a “straight man” counterpoint to Evans (attempting to tarnish his “shield”) as the cynical wise guy Jack. It’s admirable that he’s veering into “bad guy” (maybe a rascally rogue) territory, but he’s saddled with a trite character arc that we can see coming down Candy Cane Lane. Simmons seems to be having the most fun as the “jacked” St. Nick (lots of time in the weight room), and his scenes with the kids delight, but unfortunately, he’s “out of the picture” for the bulk of action (a nice special effects heavy stunt sequence in the finale almost makes up for that). The forever fierce Liu is always welcome on the big screen, though here she mainly barks orders into monitors and is a version of “the guy at the desk”, until her time to show off her fighting skills in the finale. As for the terrific comic actors involved, the wonderful Hunt is there to chide Santa and wring her hands in worry, while Nick Kroll mugs up a storm as an underworld kingpin who’s afraid of Shipka’s Gryla. Perhaps this is a big promotion from teen witch Sabrina, but not nearly as wicked as Sally Draper in “Mad Men”, as she vamps it up in several slinky black Halloween cast-off costumes. A much more engaging villain is Hivju, delivering the snark and menace as the towering Krampus who deserves a spin-off sequel.
Calling the shots on this holiday hybrid flick is Jake Kasdan, who had guided Johnson in the two recent JUMANJI reboots. And there is a sense of satiric fun in the big set-ups in the first act. This is particularly true in the new spins on the Kringle legend dreamt up by screenwriters Chris Morgan and Hiram Garcia as Santa’s village becomes an artic Wakanda (why not do a bit of Marvel “borrowing” since two MCU vets are in the cast), full of cool gizmos to streamline the “delivery day” and answer those kid queries (thinking ANT-MAN style antics). But by the time the “Nick-napping” occurs, we’re weary of the often stilted CGI effects, from the small minion-like workers to that lumbering polar bear (in his own E.L.F. vest) to a trio of snowmen assassins who wandered out of a video game. I’ll toss a few kudos to those who decided to forgo motion-capture for Krampus and instead out Hivju in an “old school” prosthetic full body makeup and kin (reminding me of Tim Curry in 1985’s LEGEND). But then the story gets bogged down with long chases, silly bits of business that fall flat (especially in the “contest” at Krampus castle), and the hamfisted heartstring ‘tugging in changing Jack’s deadbeat dad ways. This all contributes to its over two-hour runtime (a hundred minutes would help loads), which could make the lil’ ones squirm, though there are some horrific scenes that could scare and a leering shot of bikini babes on the beach. Maybe those are aimed at the teenagers, but they probably won’t care for the sentimentality and the bits of myth whimsy. This isn’t the big lump of coal that the trailers promised, but it’s doubtful that Buddy the Elf, Jack Skellington, Ralphie, or even THE SANTA CLAUSE will be displaced as a year-end classic by RED ONE.
It’s funny how an old TV catchphrase will just magically pop into your brain. While watching this new comedy action caper I recalled George Peppard as Hannibal Smith, leader of the NBC 80s ratings juggernaut, “The A-Team”. With a big cigar clenched between his pearly whites, he’d grin and exclaim, “I love it when a plan comes together” as the bad guys’ vehicles would flip over (though there had to be a shot of them climbing out of the windows unscathed for the censors). Well, the two main characters of this film might say, “I hate it when a plan falls apart”. And it does spectacularly for these luckless schmoes, actually played by members of the “Ocean’s Crew” (the 2000s reboot). And though they spend most of the story’s runtime trying to escape and survive, the title ironically labels them THE INSTIGATORS.
In the film’s opening minutes we meet one half of the duo, the stoic Rory (Matt Damon). He’s attending one of his mandatory therapy sessions at a Boston area VA hospital. He says very little, but a few comments concern the staff psychologist Dr. Rivera (Hong Chau). He talks of making a set amount of money (down to the decimal) and then “cashing in his ticket”. Meanwhile, a “low-rent” petty criminal named Cobby (Casey Affleck) gets a grade-schooler to activate the breathalyzer activator on his motorcycle. The two men cross paths at Mr. Kelly’s neighborhood bar. where a hustler named Scalvo (Jack Harlow) enlists them in a heist. The real mastermind behind it is restaurant owner/crime-boss Mr. Besegai (Michael Stuhlbarg) and his partner, bakery chef Richie (Alfred Molina). The big score ties in with tomorrow’s mayoral election. They think the challenger is no match for long-time crooked incumbent Miccelli (Ron Perlman). The big victory party will be held at a fancy riverport ballroom facility where lots of local business owners will show up to “kiss the ring” as they pass along huge amounts of cash. Before the armored car arrives to pick up the payola, the trio plans to sneak in via motorboat and lift the moola. But the next day, the unthinkable happens…a major political upset. However, Scalvo and his bosses decide to proceed. Everything that can go wrong does, and Rory and Cobby are on the run from Besegai’s “retriever” Booch (Paul Walter Hauser) and Michelli’s ex-police enforcer Toomey (Ving Rhames) along with the entire Boston police force. Can these two bunglers “blow Beantown” and cross the border to chilly Canada? And how does Dr, Rivera fit into the big getaway?
The two main actors prove to be a fairly potent comedy pairing. Damon would be the “straight man” of the two, and he more than fulfills that function as Rory is rigid, maybe “uptight”, and somewhat obsessive over the details, frustrating partners as he wants to write everything down, or needing tidbits repeated. Affleck’s Cobby is the wildcard as he scoffs at Rory’s concerns and fears, while making sure his needs are met, insisting he drive with a painful shoulder wound for fear that he’ll be dumped out on the road. The duo becomes a trio with Chau as the clinical Rivera who upholds her ethics and throws out bits of “self-help jargon” as they dodge bullets and evade endless police cruisers. Harlow is quite funny as the team leader who really doesn’t inspire fear or respect as he tries to mimic pop culture tough guys. Much more intimidating is Stuhlbarg as the perpetually annoyed crime boss, who can’t believe he can’t get smarter “goons”. Molina is much more “laid back” as his “right hand” who’d rather just “make the donuts”. Perelman dominates every scene as the blustery, greedy politico who can’t give up his power, or the graft. And he’s hooked on heaping abuse on his assistant, played as a jittery “toady” by the marvelous Toby Jones. Hauser is dripping with sarcasm and snark as Besegai’s “clean-up man”, while Rhames is at his scary surly best as the SWAT tank-driving “muscle” for the Mayor.
So, how do you celebrate 30 years of feature film directing? If you’re Doug Liman you release two big action comedies…to streaming. Earlier this year he was in a big “kerfuffle” with Amazon Prime over his remake of ROAD HOUSE, and now the main outlet for his newest flick is Apple TV+, though it got the briefest, very limited theatrical run. It’s a shame since both movies would have great appeal for fans of big stunt sequences. While the earlier film focused on the fisticuffs, this one has the most auto-destruction perhaps since the original BLUES BROTHERS (both leave piles of “cop cars”) thanks to that SWAT tank, an armored car, and a fire truck! It’s just a shame that the terrific tech crew (stunts and pyrotechnics) weren’t in service of a stronger script. All we are told of Rory is that he’s a vet who wants to do right to the son taken from him, and we know even less about Cobby, other than his boozy behavior and a wonky flirtation with Rivera (talk about rooting for a couple not to “hook up”). Earlier I noted Damon and Affleck’s part in the Oceans franchise, which helps hammer home that this is the opposite of those slick caper stories, as these bunglers are closer to the early 70s cult fave THAT GANG THAT COULDN’T SHOOT STRAIGHT. If only some of the earlier movie’s grimy charm was upgraded. The impressive supporting cast is really putting in an effort, but some of the twists and turns stretch reality and logic too much. The Boston locales are great (unlike this week’s IT ENDS WITH US this town looks frigid and very “lived in”). Unfortunately all that talent never truly ignites or invigorates THE INSTIGATORS.
2 out of 4
THE INSTIGATORS is now streaming exclusively on Apple TV+
