Tag: cars

EENIE MEANIE – Review

Now, before the Summer of 2025 officially comes to a close, how about one last ride in a suped-up classic car with the law in hot pursuit as you cause thousands of dollars in property damage (other cars included). Hold up, they’re not sneaking that final FAST & THE FURIOUS flick into the multiplex unannounced. Oh, we have that to look forward to (or perhaps dread is more accurate). It seems that SUPERMAN wasn’t the only film zipping through the streets of Cleveland last year (both needed a year’s lead time). However, you’ll not be able to hear the screeching tires through Dolby Theatre’s speakers since this is a premiere streaming movie. And its title harkens back to the classic nursery rhyme, making us wonder if catching “by the toe” is possible when the driver’s nickname is EENIE MEANIE.

The story starts with a flashback when 14-year-old Edie defied the law (not the first time) by meeting her folks at a neighborhood “watering hole” and driving the sloshed pair home in the family car. Flash forward 17 years, as adult Edie (Samara Weaving) is partying a bit hard herself at the bachelorette party of her BBF “Babygirl” (Kyanna Simone). Edie’s got a full day ahead of her and starts it by waking up late, earning the ire of her boss at the bank. Naturally, a gang of crooks barges in, with one thug conking her on the head with his gun (which Edie tried to grab away from him). She wakes up in the doctor’s office, who tells her that she and her unborn child will be fine. WTF, pregnant?! Could it have happened during a brief “visit” with her now ex, bungling petty criminal John (Karl Glusman)? Now, Edie’s got to get to her junior college classes, but she goes past her bus stop in order to confront John at his sketchy apartment complex. When she arrives, he’s getting worked over by some “legbreakers”. Ignoring her first impulse to “dash”, she rescues him with the pair escaping in a stolen car. John brings her in on his latest scheme (she doesn’t give him her big news), which “goes South”. In order to cool things down, the duo begs forgiveness of the local crime boss (who has a soft spot for Edie, dubbing her “Eenie Meanie”), Nico (Andy Garcia). Seems that John has cost Nico a big “earner,” and the replacement fee is three million bucks! But Nico has a plan for them. The local casino’s having a big poker tournament with a three-million-dollar cash prize. No, John’s no good with cards, but Edie’s great with cars. Huh? Turns out that the cash prize will be put inside a classic Dodge Charger, which Edie will have to drive out of the crowded casino. The backup crew is all set, but can they possibly pull off this big “broad daylight” score, especially if John “gums up the works”? And when will Edie drop the big “baby bomb” on that doofus?

In the title role, Weaving does an engaging job of making many action film clichés feel fresh. Aside from putting her own “spin” on the “wheel man” role, she conveys the inner struggle of a young woman at a true crossroads. She’s got to leave her fun and footloose twenties and really plunge into adulthood as a prelude to motherhood. And though life has thrown a lot, a whole lot, at her, Weaving never makes Edie a victim, even as she talks about being put “in the system” and later, in the “joint”. I look forward to her future films (especially a sequel to READY OR NOT). She dominates the screen so confidently that it’s tough for co-star Glusman to shine. And though he thoroughly dives into his role, John’s more than a bit shallow. He’s a dimbulb for the first hour or so, getting naked or beaten up (or both) in order to liven up the pace and provide some cheap laughs. I’m sure Glusman could make him more sweet and endearing, like a destructive puppy, but the script doesn’t provide that. Which causes us to actively root against him and Edie getting back together. Garcia is very compelling and quite funny as the aging but still tough-as-nails “mini-kingpin”, whose gravelly voice goes up an octave when talking to his surrogate daughter Edie. Her real papa is played by the always entertaining Steve Zahn in the opening sequence, frantically warning Edie about a police stop, and later as we see him with his “start over” family facing a very different future. There are also several gifted comic actors in smaller roles. First there’s Randall Park, whose fate sets the big caper in motion, then Mike O’Malley as Nico’s sardonic best bud/caregiver, and Marshawn Lynch as the flashy getaway driver rival to Edie.

This film comes from writer/director Shawn Simmons, who’s truly going “all out” for his feature film directing debut as he mixes comedy, wild car stunts, and a touch of character drama. And some of it works very well, especially in creating the unique character of a woman “wheel man” in the same league as BABY DRIVER and DRIVE. He also makes excellent use of the grimy, mean-looking streets of Cleveland. Yet, much of the material feels worn and listless. What doesn’t really help is the story’s radical change in tone during the flawed final moments when a major character almost becomes an evil clone of the person we’d seen in the previous 80 minutes (I thought of that classic Trek tale “Mirror, Mirror”). A “tacked-on” rose-colored epilogue just doesn’t fit with that big reveal. The racing fans will enjoy seeing some of their favorite “muscle cars” careening past the squad cars, but aside from Ms. Weaving, there’s little that really puts the “pedal to the metal” in the uneven exploits of EENIE MEANIE.

2 Out of 4

EENIE MEANIE streams exclusively on Hulu beginning on August 22, 2025

F9 – Review

(from left) Dom (Vin Diesel) and Jakob (John Cena) in “F9,” co-written and directed by Justin Lin. Photo Credit: Giles Keyte/ Universal Pictures. (c) 2021 Universal Studios. All Rights Reserved.

I’ve enjoyed most of the first eight FAST AND FURIOUS films. That made this ninth installment, F9, all the more disappointing. Granted, the whole premise of this handful of outside-the-law car nuts evolving from petty crooks and party animals to international espionage super studs, while still being societal outcasts, requires a hefty suspension of the ol’ disbelief. This chapter raises that particular ante beyond acceptable levels.

First of all, we learn how Dominic Toretto’s (Vin Diesel) father died. We also discover that he has a brother (John Cena) who’s never been mentioned in the first eight films, despite all of Dom’s blather about the “importance of family”, including significant roles in the early films for his sister (Jordana Brewster). Not only does Dom have a kid bro, but that lad’s grown up to be one of the heavies behind a ridiculous world-domination scheme in this unplanned reunion. There’s a sibling rivalry that simmered and sibl-ed in silence for a few decades.

As a result, the viewer must endure a swarm of flashbacks interrupting the present-day, globe-trotting crisis. Intriguingly (a word rarely finding relevance in this film), the actor playing Dom’s younger self is named Vinnie Bennett, and looks enough like Vin to have been the result of cloning. If not, he must have at least been named Vinnie due to parental prescience about their boy’s career destiny.

We also get a whole bunch of warm fuzzies as cast members from earlier installments, including one presumed to have been all blowed up a couple of movies ago, add more emotional moments (mainly shown by macho hugs) than one action film should contain. I assume the F&F series has fostered its analog to Trekkies, who will be as moved as the characters in those exchanges. Toretto must be an easier language to master than Klingon, especially since the word “family” serves as the key to the code, the way the commonality of the letter “e” works in English ciphers.

On the plus side, many of the sets are stunning, and the action sequences deliver the rush all adrenaline junkies in the house will expect. A couple of stunts are truly beyond belief, even for this sort of flick. Regarding the former, I was disappointed to see that outer space was not listed as a shooting location, since one of the most unlikely bits of business occurs in Earth’s orbit. That CGI portion is little more outlandish (inadvertent pun) than much of what occurs here on Terra Firma. As to the mayhem factor, one vehicular chase sequence may rank among the all-time leaders in duration,  number of destroyed cars, trucks and more. Godzilla usually inflicts less damage on Tokyo than what these folk do to Tbilisi, Georgia.

Sources indicate that this is the first F&F feature without Chris Morgan as a writer. That makes him look like a friggin’ genius in absentia. Way to go, Chris. Make ‘em miss ya.

As for your faithful correspondent, I spent 16 months at home reviewing from whatever screeners distributors offered by limited-access streaming. My first two returns to actual theaters were for clunkers – The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard and this. As supposedly stated in 1935 by Joe Jacobs – a disenchanted first time baseball stadium attendee –  “I shouldda stood in bed.”

Or to be more succinct – F9? F them.

F9 opens Friday, June 25, at various theaters and streaming.

RATING: 1 out of 4 stars

Blu Monday: April 12th, 2011

Your Weekly Source for the Newest Releases to Blu-Ray

Blu-Ray for Tuesday, April 12th, 2011

  • Roger Corman’s Cult Classics: BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS (1980)
  • Disney/Pixar’s CARS; 2-Disc Combo (2006)
  • Willem Dafoe stars in FAREWELL (2009)
  • From the makers of STEP INTO LIQUID comes HIGHWATER (2009)
  • Disney/Pixar’s THE INCREDIBLES; 4-Disc Combo (2004)
  • Keith David & Golden Brooks star in THE INHERITENCE (2010)
  • Documentary Double Feature: THE LAST CONTINENT/ANTARCTIC MISSION (2008)
  • Alain Delon’s LE CERCLE ROUGE: Criterion Collection (1970)
  • Jeff Malmberg’s Fascinating Documentary MARWENCOL (2010)
  • Claire Denis’ WHITE MATERIAL Criterion Collection (2009)

Blu-Ray for Tuesday, April 15th, 2011

  • HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS, PART 1; 3-Disc Combo (2010)

DRIVE ANGRY 3D – The Review

A surly loner jumps behind the wheel of his souped-up hot road, one hand clutching a sawed-off shotgun, the other gripping the wheel, and charges down a lonely desert highway, looking for revenge. This premise has been utilized in many action flicks over the years from Robert Mitchum in THUNDER ROAD to Mel Gibson in the Mad Max trilogy. The steely eyed driver this time is Nicolas Cage-he’s avenging the departed and racing against the clock to save a life. Oh, also the proceedings are shot in eye-popping in your face 3D. Hopefully those glasses will protect us from the gravel.

Prior to the opening title we’re thrust into a fiery landscape down a highway supported by collapsing bridges while an unseen narrator lectures us on prisons ( while liberally dropping  f-bombs ). Suddenly we’re back on Earth as three lowlifes in a pick-up are run down by Milton ( Cage ). He’s able to force some information on a location from one of them before torching their flipped vehicle. After the main title, Milton’s at a roadside diner asking one of the waitresses about this spot the trucker  revealed. It’s all the way down south in Florida, a shuttered prison. He observes another waitress, Piper ( PINEAPPLE EXPRESS’s Amber Heard ) helping out a poor family and quitting after being groped by the sleazy diner owner. On the way home her car overheats.  Milton emerges from the side of the road and fixes it. She gives him a lift into town and drops him off before entering her modest home and finding her fiance with another woman. Piper decks the other woman and vents her anger at her fiance. He knocks her out and is about to disfigure her when Milton returns, flattens the thug, and puts Piper in the car. When she awakes, they are arriving at a sleazy Western honky-tonk bar and motel. Meanwhile a man in a dark suit calling himself the Accountant ( CRASH’s William Fichtner ) arrives at Piper’s home asking about Milton ( just as he had done earlier at the diner ). Flashing an FBI agent’s ID, he enlists two state troopers to help him track down Milton. Back at the bar Piper observes the arrival of Jonah King ( TWILIGHT’s Billy Burke ) and several of his heavily armed associates. A TV news report states that King, the leader of a religious cult, is wanted in the murder of a young couple and the kidnapping of their baby. After surviving and fleeing the ambush Milton finally tells Piper of his mission. While he was in prison his daughter became involved with King’s sect. After rejecting his advances, she escaped, and married a young man who fathered her baby girl. King and his men caught up to them, murdered the couple, and took the child. The cult means to sacrifice the child during a ceremony on the next full moon in order to open a gateway to Hell. Milton has just days to stop the sacrifice and rescue his grand daughter. Can he and Piper make it there in time? Or will they be stopped by the cult members? Or the local law-enforcement agents? Or the Accountant?

DRIVE ANGRY 3D plows ahead will all the subtlety of a charging bull. The makers use the 3D process to point guns into the camera and have all manner of debris hurling toward the viewer during the countless explosions. Thankfully they slow down the action sequences to enhance the in-your-face effects. In the hotel ambush sequence each thug menaces Milton with a different weapon ( ax, machete,etc. ) as he enjoys a cigar, a bottle of whiskey, and a friendly naked barmaid. And all in slo-mo. The main actors are not served well by a script that seems to be marking time in between the action set pieces. Cage grimaces and growls and occasionally throws out a funny one-liner. Heard is a feisty, frisky sidekick who handles herself well in the many fights and escapes. Burke seethes and broods as the arrogant, evil cult leader. David Morse shows up as an old pal, Webster, who supplies them with new wheels and tells Piper of Milton’s history. A bright spot in the brutal action is Fichtner’s Accountant. He’s fast with a verbal put-down and a killing blow. It’s a bit confusing because at times he tries to stop Milton while at other crucial moments he’s helping with the rescue mission. Cars crash and explode, the body count climbs, and the f-bomb is dropped countless times ( not too mention the very gratuitous nudity ). It just seems to get a bit tedious when the main two characters are not that interesting. Too bad one of the three D’s couldn’t have been some depth for the protagonists. The movie does promise action and it delivers.

Overall Rating: Three out of Five Stars