Tag: Mythology

NE ZHA II – Review

As we reach the end of the big Summer cinema season of 2025, feature animation fans have had a variety of entries to savor. Though the biggest hits have been the “live action” adaptations of HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON and LILO & STITCH, mind you, the filmmakers utilized realistic computer techniques to render the latter’s title co-star and the winged beasties of the former, there have been a few fully “created from pencil and computer” flicks. Near the start of the year, we saw a hit family film based on the DOG MAN book series, while in the last few weeks, we’ve been treated to another visit from the SMURFS and those BAD GUYS. Perhaps the greatest work may be an extension of a long-running live-action series with PREDATOR: KILLER OF KILLERS. One segment of it was set in feudal Japan. Now, if that piqued your interest in more furious martial arts action, then that indie powerhouse A24 has just the movie for you. They’re releasing to theatres the dubbed-into-English box-office blockbuster (the biggest one in China ever) sequel NE ZHA II.

And it hits the ground running, and leaping, and punching. From that previous film, we see that the demon-like Ne Zha and angelic Ao Bing are without bodies. Luckily, Master Taiyi Zhenren is overseeing the villagers of Chentang Pass, who are mixing up a gelatinous goo that will form their new physical body “hosts”. Unfortunately, Bing’s forming body is destroyed while defending the town from an attack by three of the Dragon Kings. But his spirit is sent into the body of Zha. His parents, Lady Yin and Li Jing, send him with Taiyi aboard his flying pig on a quest to regain his immortality and split up the personalities. But they’ll have to face a series of trials and tests set up by Wuliang of the heavenly Chan set in order to acquire the needed magic potion for Bing. Ah. but things get complicated as his nefarious father, Ao Guang, actually the Dragon King of the East Sea, is preparing an attack, leading an army of undersea hybrids. Several decptions and double-crosses culminate in a battle for the planet with an advancing heavenly army and a fiery cauldron that creates elixers to confront the dragon forces and the increasingly more powerful Ne Zha.

To say that the film is visually stunning doesn’t really describe the amazing artistry that went into this. It’s told in now-traditional computer animation with incredible attention to detail along with some glorious effects (fire, oceans, etc.), and superb character design, especially the snake-like sea dragons. Unfortunately, that’s most of what stayed with me after the very lengthy 143-minute runtime. The story seems to be zipping in several directions all at once, making it jumbled and confusing. The only “big name” voice actor in this English “dub” is the always compelling Michelle Yeoh as the ethereal beauty Lady Yin. The other vocal talent often sounds as though they’re playing “catch up” with the exaggerated mouth movements. It’s especially the case with the motor-mouthed Taiyi (often a gluttenous bufoon) and the ill-tempered at times Ne Zha, who resembles so many anime tots. What really surprised me was the barrage of bodily fluid and functions gags (literally) that really try to elicit strained laughter or “gross-ou” groans. I did enjoy one comedy sequence in which Yin and Jing try to come up with the “perfect image” of Ne, going from muscle-bound behemoth to cuddily cute ragmuffin. This film is an interesting look at an action-adventure cartoon tale (well, the battle with the marmot tribe is pretty good) that may fascinate animation aficionados, but the average filmgoer may be baffled and a little dumfounded (maybe “brain-numb”) by the “eye candy” on display in NE ZHA II.

1.5 Out of 4

NE ZHA II is now playing in select theatres

MONKEY MAN (2024) – Review

Since we’re now into the slow slide from Easter/Spring Break into the Summer cinema season, how about an MMA-style action thriller full of fights and daring escapes? Oh, you say we just had that in the remake of ROAD HOUSE just a couple of weeks ago. Well that flick, despite the director’s protests to the press, bypassed the multiplex and went right to a streaming service. And this new release almost went the same route until an Oscar-winning filmmaker saw it, bought it, and helped prep it for a wide theatrical debut. Oh, and speaking of debuts, this is the first feature directed by the star of a Best Picture Oscar winner over a dozen years ago. Yes, he was the lead in that, and he’s in the lead here as the mysterious avenger who is known as the MONKEY MAN. And no, he’s not another comics-based hero.

Rather, his moniker is based on mythology. In the flashback opening sequences, a young mother and her six or seven-year-old son enjoy the peaceful countryside as she tells him of the Indian animal deity Hanuman AKA the “monkey god”. Flash forward to now in an underground mixed martial arts “fight club” somewhere in bustling Mumbai. One of the brawlers is a lanky fellow wearing a rubber simian mask, along with a filthy tank top and sweatpants. Moments after being introduced by the preening ring MC “Tiger” (Sharlito Copley), the Monkey Man (Dev Patel) is pummeled by “King Cobra”. On his way to the locker room, he endures the taunts of a connected “hustler” named Alphonso (Pitobash). MM who also uses the name Bobby tolerates him since he’s part of his master plan to get a job at the exclusive VIP club where Alphonso works. His boss is a cruel mistress named, naturally, “Queenie” (Ashwini Kalsekar). With the aid of several “street people” Bobby gets her wallet, only to return it to her. Instead of a cash reward, Bobby asks for a job in the kitchen. With an assist from Alphonso (he bets on Monkey Man to take a “dive”), Bobby becomes a server in the ultra-exclusive top floor “playpen” where Queenie provides beauties trafficked from around the globe to international “high rollers”. At last, Bobby spots his reason for being there, his “target” a corrupt sadistic police captain named Rana (Sikandar Kher). Seeing him unleashes many painful childhood memories from Bobby’s time in that forest with his mother. Eventually, Bobby saves up to buy a gun, and then figures out a way to get it past the many security “checkpoints”. So does his revenge scenario play out as planned, or will Rana survive and exact his own vengeance?

Building upon the fighting skills he used six years ago in THE WEDDING GUEST, Patel proves more powerful than his tall, slender physique would suggest. In his bouts, we see, despite the mask, a man in a near-constant panic as he struggles in the opening matches. And that same emotion is echoed in the big high-rise throwdown when things go more than a bit “sideways”. That’s not to say that Patel’s often stoic Bobby is all furious fists and feet. His downturned eyes hint at the heavy weight of family tragedy that almost forms a dark cloud over him. He’s not full of 80s action star quips and snark, and barely makes any human connections. Luckily he does befriend one of the “menu women”, a haunted beauty named Sita played with gentle power by Sobhita Dhulipala. Well, Bobby also connects with a hungry “alley pup’, which brings some extra pathos. And the laughs are provided by a talented trio, Pitobash is a motor-mouthed wiseguy whose bravado distracts from his own tragic past. Kalsekar is a foul-mouthed mini-tornado of disdain and abuse (toward her “staff”). And Copley is the ultimate hammy, and quite swarmy, host as he plays to the crowds while insulting the real “talent”. They’re all an amusing counterpoint to the sneering Kher who makes Rana a great villain more than worthy of our hisses and boos.

Yes, as I alluded to earlier, Patel is making his feature film directing debut while also producing and contributing to the script. And what an ambitious undertaking as he’s in nearly every scene with most consisting of very intense fight choreography (and Patel did take his “lumps” via broken bones and even an eye infection). Aside from the stunts, he creates a great gritty atmosphere as we get “down and dirty” on those dusty streets where denizens scramble for space. One memorable image is Patel’s Bobby in the center of dozens of people “sardine-style” as they try to sleep under a nosy auto overpass. These scenes are in great contrast to the gorgeous flashbacks of a forest paradise (that waterfall). But soon we’re back on the move, as Patel often uses a POV angle to place us right in the mayhem as he ramps up a big pursuit that even takes a second to inject some satire (window jumps are tough). And sure, it’s in the JOHN WICK “wheelhouse” with one bit of dialogue referencing the series. Though this is unique as it hooks us with the fairy-tale legends and the political backdrops. Yes, there’s something of a lull between the two major action “set-pieces” in which we get more backstory and the obligatory “training montage”, but the wait is more than worth it as the finale is truly epic Patel is a terrific physical actor and shows us that he’s a filmmaker to watch (just like the flick’s “savior” Jordan Peele) with the fighting fable of MONKEY MAN.

3 out of 4

MONKEY MAN is now playing in theatres everywhere

THREE THOUSAND YEARS OF LONGING – Review

220413_TTYOL_g011.0437853_RC Idris Elba stars as The Djinn and Tilda Swinton as Alithea Binnie in director George Miller’s film THREE THOUSAND YEARS OF LONGING A Metro Goldwyn Mayer Pictures film Photo credit: Courtesy of Metro Goldwyn Mayer Pictures Inc. © 2022 Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Pictures Inc. All Rights Reserved

As the seasons march toward Fall, many begin to lapse into the doldrums, since the excitement of exotic getaways is set aside. Perhaps a bit of magic will perk them up, or as with this new film, a whole lot of magic. Well, one of its two central characters is a magical creature of myth, one that’s not unfamiliar to the movie audiences though really a touchstone of the fantasy sitcom “fad” of the 1960s. Now that really began in the “stars” with Ray Walston’s “Uncle Martin” AKA “My Favorite Martian”, followed by Elizabeth Montgomery’s spellcasting Samantha Stevens in “Bewitched”. And then there was Jeannie, of “I Dream of…”, played by the still dazzling (she reached 91 only days ago) Barbara Eden, an all-powerful but sweet sorceress residing in an ornate, rather small bottle. Now these beings are now populating TV again, though now they are called by their original monikers, Djinns (mentioned but not seen in “Ms. Marvel” and a temporary resident of the house in “What We Do in the Shadows”). And this film’s character is closer to those ancient tales, not as whimsical as Eden, or Robin Williams and Will Smith, nor the intimidating Rex Ingram of the 1940 THE THIEF OF BAGDAD, with a pinch of Burl Ives in THE BRASS BOTTLE. But a new element is added as he tells us of his THREE THOUSAND YEARS OF LONGING.

We’re first introduced to the human half of the aforementioned central duo by the narration of celebrated scholar Alithea Binnie (Tilda Swinton) as she travels on a plane bound for modern-day Istanbul. She’s a featured speaker there at a storytelling conference. At the airport, she’s taken aback when an unusual-looking driver tries to grab her bag and usher her away. Luckily her escorts spot her and the cabbie vanishes. After a stop at the plush hotel, she’s off to her first lecture. Her talk is cut short when she spots another odd person in strange garb in the audience, popping up in different seats…and glowing. She faints and is whisked away, and after a check-up returns to her room. After her rest, one of her hosts treats her to a bit of shopping, gifting her an odd-looking, somewhat battered tiny ceramic bottle. Using her electric toothbrush to loosen the cap, Alithea is knocked backward by a burst of energy and mist. Opening her eyes, she sees a large, almost gigantic man in the room’s main space. He introduces himself as a Djinn (Idris Elba), the legendary magic creature of mythology, imploring her to let him grant her three wishes in order for him to ascend into the Djinn realm. Well-knowing the devious Djinns of fables, she’s hesitant and inquires about his past. The Djinn details his love of Sheba, his imprisonment by the aides of Solomon, his release many years later during a familial power struggle in a kingdom, and his time a few hundred years ago with a woman seeking ultimate knowledge. Is Alithea convinced that the Djinn has no trickery up his sleeves of her hotel bathrobe? And just what would be the wishes of a brilliant twenty-first-century woman?

Though many characters flit in about them, either in the “now” in “long-ago tales”, much of the story centers on the two leads conversing. Happily, we’re treated to the interplay of one of the movies’ most compelling duos. As with most of her roles, Swinton brings her sharpened intelligence to the “scholar” while still throwing in a bit of the “off-kilter” wit of her Wes Anderson efforts. Alithea takes some time to get “her footing” as the strange occurrences and images she sees upon her arrival have her questioning her senses. That culminates in her shock at finding that her “stories” are rooted in history. But she quickly hones her focus, curious about what this entity has to say, while never ignoring her logic and giving in to the “gift” (she’s wary of the Djinn’s “wishing cons”). As that truly larger-than-life being, Elba is at his most compelling and enigmatic. He’s ecstatic to be released into this era’s world, but he tempers his frustration over Alithea’s hesitancy. From the sadness in his eyes, we see that he’s eager to leave this realm, though he’s more than ready to share his long, tales of love and avarice. He’s often annoyed at these mortals, but he’s tethered to their desires. It helps that there’s no CGI or elaborate prosthetic makeup (and no body paint) to obscure him, only some interesting frayed pointed ears and his dark eyes under his bald brow. I should single out one supporting cast member in the most riveting “back story”, namely Ece Yuksel as Guiten the “genius” who prefers to learn rather than escape her prison of marriage (and punish her abusive husband).

And let’s give a big “welcome back” to one of the world’s great filmmakers who has dazzled us for five decades and has been MIA since the spectacular MAD MAX: FURY ROAD over seven years ago, George Miller. His keen visual sense hasn’t dulled in the least, as he uses state-of-the-art CGI wizardry to bring several ancient civilizations back to vibrant life. He also makes the magic of Djinn’s life feel both real and dream-like with several imaginative creations (Solomon’s musical device that sprouts extra appendages is remarkable). Plus the oversize Djinn in the first scenes almost bursts through the spacious hotel suite realistically. The “flashbacks” are so full of sensory wonders that make the modern times sequences feel a bit flat as the story stumbles in the final act. Miller co-write the screenplay with his daughter Augusta Gore adapting the short story by A. S. Byatt, which loses much of its narrative power as it takes a turn toward romance and today’s political landscape, feeling a tad “heavy-handed”. Still, this doesn’t lessen the “adult fairy tale” feel of the Djinn’s wondrous history and the superb pairing of Swinton and Elba. They and the gifted Mr. Miller are the true magical ingredients of THREE THOUSAND YEARS OF LONGING.

2.5 Out of 5


THREE THOUSAND YEARS OF LONGING is now playing in select theatres

RAGNAROK – The Review

ragnarok_image

Show of hands… When you first saw the film, who absolutely thought RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK was the greatest thing on Earth? Me too. Let’s try this again. Show of hands… When you first saw the film, who thought there was nothing more awesome than JURASSIC PARK? Wow. Me too! Well, I’m not about to tell you this film equals either of those modern masterpieces, but what I will tell you is that RAGNAROK is a film that succeeds, in part, because it incorporates the massive influence both of the previously mentioned films have had on modern cinema in a subtle, yet effective way that evokes those memories while maintaining its own vision.

Written by John Kare Raake and directed by Mikkel Braenne Sandemose, RAGNAROK is the story of an archaeologist named Sigurd with family problems who stumbles onto something extraordinary while seeking answers to ancient questions through relics. Sigurd, played by Pal Sverre Hagen, is so committed to his outside the box, often controversial theories, that its costs him his family and possibly his job, but his drive leads him, his two colleagues and two children, on an adventure like nothing they’ve ever dreamed possible.

In Norse mythology, “Ragnarok” roughly means “end of the world,” but this can be somewhat misleading, as this is not a natural disaster movie on steroids, like ARMAGEDDON or THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW. Surprisingly, RAGNAROK is far more low-key and intimate, which is actually a compliment. The film maintains a relatively small cast of characters and is set primarily in a remote mountainous forest, fenced off from the general population and containing a very deep lake that Sigurd determines is historically referred to as “the eye of Odin.” Finding this mysterious lake is key to his unraveling the mystery of a rune stone he found that he believe is actually a map to an important viking discovery.

Sigurd is so focused on his goal, that he loses sight of what’s most important to him. His kids. In a self-serving effort to reconnect with them, he opts to turn his expedition into their family summer vacation. His son jumps at the opportunity, but his older daughter is nothing short of pissed off that they aren’t going on a real vacation. What they find instead will open their eyes and their imaginations, and may even rekindle a new family spirit in the process. So, here’s the thing. RAGNAROK is, with all honesty, more of a family film than anything else. Once again, this is a compliment. While the film is not overly graphic or violent, there’s no nudity and little to no profanity (we’re assuming they aren’t omitting anything in the subtitles), RAGNORAK is still an engaging story that is appropriate for kids and adults without being nauseatingly lame and sappy, like so many family-friendly options.

Get the idea out of your head. This is a foreign film with a modest budget. You will not be inundated with Michael Bay scale special effects or massive action sequences. Believe it or not, there is an actual story that develops and characters to relate to during the first two acts of the film. With that said, we are not introduced to the “creature” until the final act of the film. Trust me, we are rewarded with more than enough exposure to the creature in the final third of the film, and the filmmakers have pulled off the CGI with commendable success. Once again, consider the modest budget and accept that while it’s not Hollywood level stuff, it’s far better than Syfy Channel original films and we eat that SHARKNADO stuff up like its cognac-filled pot brownies laced with acid.

One of the coolest things about RAGNAROK is that it introduces kids of all ages to new elements of mythology outside of the usual norm, even if it’s not entirely historically accurate. To be fair, HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON gets credit for being the first film in recent years to revitalize the Norse culture and viking legends in mainstream film, but to have a film of that culture make it to our shores is more appealing to me in many ways, and I loves the dragon training films. I know there will be a slew of genre buffs who trash the film for being too mild or catering to a less “pure” genre audience, but I say they need to get over themselves. I, too, am a genre buff, but I make a point not to limit myself and in return I reap the rewards of films like this. No, RAGNAROK is not perfect, but I praise the willingness to embark on such a journey.

RAGNAROK will be available through iTunes/Video On Demand and in select theaters beginning August 15, 2014.

Overall Rating: 3.5 out of 5 Stars

RAGNAROK Domestic adapted Art

WRATH OF THE TITANS – The Review

*** Fair warning, this review may contain some very, very MINOR spoilers. ***

It’s a rare thing that a sequel surpasses it’s predecessor, and in the case of WRATH OF THE TITANS, the theory wavers slightly. CLASH OF THE TITANS (2010) was a remake of the 1981 Ray Harryhausen classic that had action and lots of CGI special effects but did little to honor the original, nor did it compare to the thrill and excitement the 1981 original still offers fans. With this sequel, loosely based on the the 1981 screenplay written by Beverley Cross, who also wrote the 1981 original CLASH OF THE TITANS, the film ponies up a more fluid story with better special effects, but the pacing differs greatly from the 2010 CLASH OF THE TITANS.

WRATH OF THE TITANS takes place a decade after Perseus (Sam Worthington) defeated the Kraken. Having turned down his god-father Zeus’ offer to rule by his side from Olympus, the demi-god [half human/half god] Perseus now attempts to live a normal, human life with his son in a small village. Perseus devotes his life to his son now, but when Zeus returns asking for Perseus to fight once more to save the world, Perseus sticks to his guns and stays with his son… at first. Perseus doesn’t realize the severity of his father’s need for his help.

Meanwhile, in the realm of the gods, Hades (Ralph Fiennes) has something up his cloak and is secretly plotting to dethrone Zeus (Liam Neeson) and free their father Kronos from the prison within which Zeus and Hades once confined him. The key to this story is that the gods are growing weaker as humanity no longer prays to them, which means the safeguards they have placed in the world to protect humanity weaken along with their power, threatening to unleash the Titans on the world. This is bad news, but it takes nearly losing his father to bring Perseus around once more and step into his big boy shoes to save the day for all mankind.

WRATH OF THE TITANS is directed by Jonathan Liebesman, who’s last outing was in last years BATTLE LOS ANGELES, a film I would describe as great looking but story lacking. While the story itself was a plus in WRATH OF THE TITANS — and it did look great, with cinematography from Ben Davis — I do see some pacing similarities between the two films. Both have some extremely intense action sequences that are well constructed, but the time spent between these high-octane moments tends to falter a bit, losing some of the momentum, requiring a fresh buildup to the next round of excitement, acting as a slow, unnecessary buffer.

Sam Worthington has hair this time around, which I consider a good thing. His quasi-miliatry buzz cut from CLASH OF THE TITANS always bothered me, as if he just came off the set of AVATAR to shoot CLASH. Leading man aside, the cast was one of the high points in this sequel. Neeson and Fiennes aside, both of whom were naturally enjoyable, Danny Huston returns for a short time as Poseidon and Edgar Ramirez plays Ares, the god of war. Queen Andromeda features a new face, played this time around by Rosamund Pike, replacing Alexa Davalos.

However, the real acting treat in WRATH OF THE TITANS comes from Bill Nighy, who plays the “fallen one” Hephaestus and whom serves a vital role in the quest of Perseus. Nighy, a veteran actor not unaccustomed to fantasy and genre films, is usually a fan favorite, from his roles in SHAUN OF THE DEAD to the UNDERWORLD franchise. Covered in long, gray hair and a ratty beard, it’s difficult at first to recognize the actor, especially when he attempts to disguise his voice, but the tell-tale vocal trademarks and mannerisms do still shine through, resulting in a pleasant “hey, I know him” epiphany. Nighy delivers a fun time in the middle of a movie that mostly takes itself very seriously.

As I mentioned, the special effects are better in WRATH OF THE TITANS than in the CLASH remake. From the monstrous double-bodied soldiers called the Makhai, wielding a relentless onslaught of death and destruction onto the human army, to the fire-breathing bat-dog things and the Chimera, a small band of giant Cyclops, the creature design and effects are the true stars of the film. In this way, WRATH feels like a Harryhausen film, but not it’s equal. Kronos, in particular — albeit lumbering and slow — is quite the eyeful of coolness and scary to boot when you consider what he is and what it would be like in real life. The one creature design I was disappointed in was during the labyrinth segment — a very well designed segment, I might add — when Perseus confronts the minotaur, which I felt lacked greatly, resembling little more than THE GOONIES’ Sloth with horns stuck to his head.

Overall, WRATH OF THE TITANS is a solid film, a true summer blockbuster that will draw crowds and makes lots of money. WRATH is slightly more accomplished than the CLASH remake, enough so to be noticeable and enjoyable. Perhaps it was just me, but beware the down time between the action sequences. These would be good times to sip freely from your caffeine tank, nestled closely in your cup holder. Finally, I suppose I’ll mention the ever present 3D, which is a far cry better than the virtually non-existent 3D of CLASH OF THE TITANS, rendered pointlessly in post-production. The 3D is there in WRATH, visible and effective, if you’re into the blatantly self-conscious, somewhat gimmicky style of 3D in film. My recommendation — as usual — go old school and see the film in 2D.

Overall Rating: 3 0ut of 5 stars

IMMORTALS – The Review

I remember first being introduced to Greek mythology in grade school, later delving more into the subject in junior high. I remember being fascinated by the stories, drawn into the lore of the gods and heroes and the fantastic creatures. I still remember bits and pieces of what I discovered in those formative years of endless imagination. However, I will not remember IMMORTALS as being a film worthy of that same lasting admiration.

IMMORTALS tells a story, albeit questionably accurate to its source material, of a peasant named Theseus (Henry Cavill) secretly trained in the fighting arts by a mysterious old man, played by veteran actor John Hurt. When the ruthless King Hyperion (Mickey Rourke) invades with his army of evil tyrants, Theseus finds himself thrown under the bus by Zeus (Luke Evans) to lead his people to victory against overwhelmingly impossible odds. With the help of a soldier named Stavros (Stephen Dorff) and the virgin oracle Phaedra (Freida Pinto), Theseus must find a way to defeat Hyperion before he uses a powerful magic weapon to unleash the terrible Titans upon humanity. This is the story, but it lacks any significant depth, character development or the wonderful detail of the mythology I recall from my youth.

Tarsem Singh, without a doubt, is one of the most exciting new filmmakers when it comes to wildly imaginative visual cinema. The problem is that it takes more than merely an eye for amazing imagery. Audiences were first introduced to Singh in 2000 with THE CELL, a film that had audiences visually awestruck but also feeling disappointed in the story and the acting. Six years later, Singh would give us THE FALL and earn back a lot of respect. Unfortunately, IMMORTALS is his third and arguably worst film.

IMMORTALS is a visually stunning film, but not an entirely successful effort. Singh spends far too much time wallowing in his CGI landscapes, implementing several slowly sweeping panoramic vistas from breathtaking heights and distances. This all occurs during a disappointingly dull first two acts, when Singh could have spent his time more efficiently weaving a more engaging and interesting story, before unleashing 95 percent of the action in the third act. The action itself is acceptable, but lacks a certain punch. The best action is in the tighter shots, whereas the broader shots of epic battle get lost in the excessive use of slowed down bullet-time cinematography that is beginning to lose its appeal through Singh’s and Zack Snyder’s unhealthy overuse. The two most impressive bits of action are at the end; when the Gods finally face off with the Titans with awesome, if not somewhat cheesy, comic book style; then when Theseus goes toe-to-toe with King Hyperion, with a higher level of realism and fluidity.

The performances in IMMORTALS are not bad, so much as subject to a mediocre script. Henry Cavill, whom we’ll soon recognize as the new Superman, appeared to be in a constant state of painful constipation that is meant to convey anger and rage. Mickey Rourke will be happy to have the paycheck, because King Hyperion marks what will hopefully be a short-lived hiccup in his recent triumphant comeback. Freida Pinto is absolutely gorgeous, but lacks the mysterious allure I would expect from an oracle, replaced with the draw of a centerfold model. Stephen Dorff is quite simply put, Stephen Dorff.

Finally, and I’m sure you’ve all been waiting for this, IMMORTALS is a 3D film. Despite my general dislike of its very existence, 3D is here to stay for now. The question is always, is it well done? With IMMORTALS, the answer is an echoing hell no! I recall suffering through the CLASH OF THE TITANS remake, which was post-converted to 3D and looked terrible. IMMORTALS is actually shot for 3D, but looks as if it were post-converted. The film appears ever-so-slightly darker than it should, washed out and lacking the amount of depth of field expected from a film intended to be 3D. Rarely does the 3D make its presence unavoidably known, which ideally is what we want, but it also often falls into oblivion and would be easily forgotten, if not for the annoying 3D glasses in constant need of adjustment.

Overall, IMMORTALS is two-thirds snorefest followed by one-third mediocre action flick, riddled throughout with CGI that screams “look at how cool I am!” This isn’t a complete waste of your time and money, but its awfully close, especially if you intend to delve into the mythological core of the material as I had hoped. If forced to choose, I would revisit the CLASH OF THE TITANS remake before a second run at IMMORTALS, and that’s a tough pill to swallow.

Overall Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

Top Ten Tuesday: Mythological Masterpieces

Warner Brothers is set to “release the kraken” this Friday, April 2… so, WAMG is set to release the Movie Geeks, wielding their swords of cinematic heroism to establish the most epic Top Ten list of Mythological Masterpieces… ever! This week’s Top Ten Tuesday is devoted to the great Greek mythological stories of heroes, gods and monsters.

10. HERCULES (1997)

You know why this movie is on this list? It’s not because it was Disney’s last, great, hand-drawn, animated film of the ’90s. It wasn’t. The film’s not great, but you have to hand it to whatever genius decided the perfect voice for Hades, the Lord of the Underworld, would be James Woods. Best. Voice casting. Ever. Rip Torn voicing Zeus? Another stroke of genius. This was also probably the first time many kids born in the early ’90s became privy to the voice of Charlton Heston, who does the narration. Sure, the animation is stale, the songs aren’t all they’re cracked up to be, and the story is by-the-numbers Disney at best. Ruth Lambert, though, deserves a special place on Mount Olympus for her incredible casting work.

09. ULYSSES (1954)

ULYSSES marked Kirk Douglas’ first venture into the genre of sword and sandal epics, six years prior to SPARTACUS. In this film, he plays the hero of Homer’s legendary tale of the Greek’s return from Troy, post-Trojan horse. The wrath of Poseidon is called upon by Cassandra (Elena Zareschi) to punish Ulysses during his long and perilous journey home. Ulysses’ besting of Cyclops is clever and Douglas’ onscreen charisma is put to good use, as are the talents of Silvana Mangano in duel roles as Ulysses’ assumed widow Penelope and the sorceress Circe. Anthony Quinn has a small but well-played role as Antinoos, courting Penelope.

08. HERCULES (1958)

Italian filmmaker Pietro Franicisi searched high and low for his ideal muscleman to portray his HERCULES. Bodybuilder Steve Reeves stepped up to the challenge, combining rugged good looks and rippling muscles to astonishingly capture the physical essence of the unbelievably strong demi-god. Hercules must fight off a tribe of savages, Amazon women and battle the mighty Cretan Bull. This sensational telling of Hercules would spawn sequels and join the ranks of popularity in an era when sword and sandal flicks were all the rage.

07. THE GORGON (1964)

Megeara, one of the mythological gorgons, is haunting a small English village when the moon is full in THE GORGON (1964), a bold attempt by Hammer Studios to come up with a monster without ripping off the Universal films from the 1930’s and 40’s. Their riff on Greek mythology has all the classic Hammer Horror elements. Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee, an imposing old house, scared villagers, and is bathed in director Terence Fisher’s trademark Gothic atmosphere. It’s been criticized over the years because of its depiction of the titular creature. The brief shots of her at first are frightening, but when you get a longer look, the plastic, barely-moving snakes are awfully lame but I’m sure this was a difficult make-up task in the early 60’s. Christopher Lee even once said “The only problem with THE GORGON was The Gorgon. Still, THE GORGON scared the crap out of me in TV viewings as a child and it’s a solid entry in Hammer’s horror cycle.

06. TROY (2004)

TROY may not be as intellectual as reading Homer’s original work, but you can’t go wrong by combining epic battles, the world’s most famous love triangle and an A-list cast. Brad Pitt is excellent job as Achilles, the original golden boy. The story follows Achilles and the Greeks as they battle to bring Helen (Diane Kruger) home after Prince Paris (Orlando Bloom) woos her away from King Menelaus of Sparta and flees to Troy. Myth has it that it’s not a good idea to mess with guys from Sparta, especially when they have a demi-god like Achilles (Brad Pitt) amongst their ranks. TROY is incredibly entertaining and you’ll probably get flashbacks to the first time your heard about the Trojan Horse.

05. THE GOLDEN VOYAGE OF SINBAD (1974)

Harryhausen’s sequel to his 1958 classic THE 7TH VOYAGE OF SINBAD has always lived in the shadow of its predecessor, but still has plenty to offer. John Phillip Law was a far more physical and convincing Sinbad than Kerwin Mathews and Caroline Munro, the undisputed goddess of 70’s fantasy cinema, never looked sexier. While the monsters in 7TH VOYAGE were clearly superior, GOLDEN’s six-armed stone idol Kali (from Hindu legend), brought to life in a sword-duel, is one of Harryhausen’s most lively creations. Other highlights include a to-the-death battle between a griffin and a cyclopean centaur, a menacing ship’s figurehead come to life, and the flying homunculus that Tom Baker, a scene-stealer as the evil Prince Koura, pokes and teases as it lies pinned to a table. Miklós Rózsa’s wonderful “Arabian Nights” score helped make THE GOLDEN VOYAGE OF SINBAD a great fantasy romp that appealed to the adventurer in all of us. Did I mention how hot Caroline Munro looked?

04. HERCULES AND THE HAUNTED WORLD (1961)

After the international success of the first HERCULES film in 1959, there were hundreds of Italian-made sequels and knock-offs. These poorly-dubbed epics, known collectively to fans as “Peplum”, are mostly interchangeable and undistinguished but HERCULES IN THE HAUNTED WORLD (1961) stands out mightily. The first color film from celebrated horror director Mario Bava (who was responsible for the special effects and lighting in the earlier Steve Reeves Hercules movies), HERCULES IN THE HAUNTED WORLD substitutes psychedelic imagery, mysterious characters and clever in-camera special effects for the usual sword fights and the massive battle sequences. The story, following Hercules (Reg Park) as he attempts to rescue his beloved from the depths of Hades, features lethal sirens, rock monsters, and a sea of molten lava. The result is a colorful amalgam of Greek mythology and Gothic strangeness and is benefited greatly by the casting of Christopher Lee as King Licos, evil lord of the Underworld.

03. THE 7TH VOYAGE OF SINBAD (1958)

Searching for a boatload of mythological creatures? Look no further than Ray Harryhausen’s THE 7TH VOYAGE OF SINBAD, a fantasy filled with genies, Cyclopes and skeletons. After the evil magician, Sokurah, casts his spell on Princess Parisa and shrinks her, our hero, Sinbad, comes to the rescue. To bring her back to normal, he must go in search of the eggshell of a two-headed vulture, Roc, and voyage to Colossa, an island complete with Cyclopes and dragons. The real hero was visual effects master, Ray Harryhausen. His creatures vividly came to life with his dazzling use of what he called Dynamation, a split-screen combination of stop-motion animation and live action, rear-projection. The four-armed, snakewoman dance was especially freaky, but Harryhausen’s pinnacle creation was his animated skeleton in the seamless sequence of Sinbad’s sword and shield battle with this bony adversary. What makes this cool scene even better is the brilliant Bernard Herrmann score. THE 7TH VOYAGE OF SINBAD is the first of 3 adventures in the SINBAD series and a great way for not only kids but adults to see superb visual effects prior to the world of CGI.

02. CLASH OF THE TITANS (1981)

Zeus bless Beverley Cross for teaching so many children of the late ’70s and early ’80s all the Greek mythology we needed to get us through. He takes the Perseus myth and completely revamps it, adding in creatures like Calibos and the Kraken around the creatures already known to the myth of Perseus like Pegasus, the Stygian Witches, and Medusa. CLASH OF THE TITANS might not have the best special effects around. Even for the early ’80s, the shots of Pegasus flying could have been executed better. Also, I’ll never understand why he’s galloping mid-flight. And the less said about Bubo, the better. Nonetheless, CLASH OF THE TITANS is a classic in its own right.

01. JASON AND THE ARGONAUTS (1963)

Jason (Todd Armstrong) leads a group of adventurous men including Hercules (Nigel green) on a quest for the magnificent Golden Fleece. Widely considered the best of Harryhausen’s work, JASON AND THE ARGONAUTS is filled with gods and heroes, sword fights and creatures of mythological lore. Harpies, giant stone statues coming to life and even the multi-headed hydra… its all there. Directed by Don Chaffey, this is one of the most fun-filled, exciting and action-packed mythological fantasies ever created and it stands the test of time. Perhaps one of the best scenes in the film, and in the realm of stop motion animation, is the epic fight with the skeleton soldiers. Often a bit comical by today’s standards, the technical and artistic mastery of the film is still admirable and amazing.

Epic Greek Mythology Remakes at War …

While I’m not one to get caught up in the hype of these Hollywood remake and resurgence projects, this new wave of films is getting me a little randy. As a kid, I was fascinated with watching the old Ray Harryhausen films like ‘Clash of the Titans’ so I can’t help but wonder what the technology of our time has to offer.

Well, here’s the newest scoop on this story … and man has it got some punch!

‘Clash of the Titans’

This remake has been tosses around for a few years now, but it seems its more likely than ever to get the full-on greenlight. Warner Bros. has tapped into this re-surging market with the development of a remake. The studio has signed Louis Letterier, the action-friendly director of the ‘Transporter’ films and the recently released and immensely popular ‘Incredible Hulk’ reboot. As if this wasn’t appealing enough, Lawrence Kasdan (Empire Strikes Back) has written the coveted script for this mighty remake.

‘War of Gods’

Having actually beat Warner Bros. out in a bidding war for ‘War of Gods’ Relativity Media will be producing this film that makes ‘Clash’ seem like child’s play. Set in ancient Greece, this film takes place during a massive war whereas Prince Theseus leads mankind in a battle alongside the Greek Gods against evil demons and the gargantuan Titans. Sound good? Yeah, how ’bout adding this in for flavor … Tarsem Singh (The Cell, The Fall) is attached to direct this larger-than-life mythological epic.