Tag: uwe boll

Fantastic Fest 2009: RAMPAGE Review

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Matt’s Take:

I must confess, this is the first Uwe Boll film I’ve ever seen. And if he continues down this path, it may very well be the last.

RAMPAGE is a story about a douchebag kid who’s got a terrible job, is something of a loner, and has no prospects in life. He gets treated like crap at work, at restaurants, and his parents are sick of him living at home. He just can’t get a break… which is why he must go on a RAMPAGE, brutally murdering everyone who has insulted him and finally getting his justified revenge!! Hmm, now that film sounds kind of cool. It perhaps sounds like a Falling Down, but where Michael Douglass is the hero, right? In fact, even Uwe Boll himself compared Rampage to that version of Falling Down, which I must confess, got me very excited for the movie. I’d love to see that movie. Unfortunately RAMPAGE is not that movie.

RAMPAGE is instead the story about a completely unlikeable douchebag terrorist, who decides to kill random people for no reason. (OK, actually he does have a reason, but it’s so lame and unrealistic that it doesn’t count) And to add to that, he doesn’t even kill the people in cool ways! He kills people with machine guns. Machine guns with infinite ammo. This is not interesting. It’s not exciting. In no way is the “hero” ever in any danger whatsoever. Apparently in the Uwe Boll universe, you can blow up a Police Station and then basically never be bothered again by the Police. Hmmm… yeah, I guess if there was only one Police Station in the entire country that might work, right? But forget realism, at least this movie looks cool, doesn’t it?

NO. It doesn’t. This movie looks like it was shot by a cameraman who had Parkinson’s and they forgot to hire a focus puller. I’d say at least 90 percent of the movie was out of focus, even in shots where two actors were sitting motionless at a table!!! I mean, come on, is it too much to ask that we can actually see what the hell is going on? To add to this nonsense, random flash forwards are interjected into the film throughout. These bits add absolutely nothing to the film, except giving away the ending ten minutes in, and annoying the audience. The first half of this movie is so boring, it’s almost hard to comprehend, and sadly the action in the second half isn’t nearly interesting or exciting enough to make this film worthwhile.

Kent’s Take:

Is RAMPAGE a good film? Kinda. Is it a great film? NO FLIPPING WAY! But it is easily the best thing Uwe Boll has made and if you saw it, I doubt you’d guess he had anything to do with it. RAMPAGE is the basic story of a young man that’s just had enough with his mediocre life and how everyone just craps on him. His parents are kicking him out, he can’t even get a simple coffee order made correctly for him, and the disaster that happens at the local fast food joint really sets him over the top. He takes it upon him self to teach his crappy little town a lesson but suiting in a large armor plated battle suit and just blowing everyone in town away.

This is a violent movie with a lot of innocent people getting killed. In fact everyone in the movie is innocent except for the main character Bill played by Brenden Fletcher. Bill’s rampage on his town is enjoyable to watch, or at least it would be if you could see most of what was going on. The biggest problem I had with RAMPAGE is that it’s shot terribly. I enjoyed it’s ideas but I could barely see them half the time because of the terrible cinematography. Uwe Boll is able to shoot a good looking film. Tunnel Rats is decently well shot but here we get a grainy shaky movie that has a hard time focusing on any of it’s most important elements. Why this movie was shot on film and not on HD is beyond me. I think a very shiny glossy look would have been a great contrast to the brutal violence that takes place during Bill’s killing spree.
I can see how some people find this film unwatchable or bad, but I really do think it shows progress in Boll’s sense of direction. Most of the movie is improvised and it does show, especially in Linda Boyd’s performance as Bill’s mom. She stammers so much that it becomes very obvious she has no improvisation skills what so ever. I’ve never heard a movie have a character saying “um” so much. Another big issue with the film is literally the last 30 seconds. It’s a tag onto the film that explains some things that are totally unnecessary. Putting that in almost defeats everything that came before it, especially with the things that are revealed in the last act.

Overall, RAMPAGE should be seen, but by no means should you rush out and see it immediately. It has some solid moments, a lot of morbid, dark humor and a lead character that you’ll cheer on and then when it’s over you’ll hate yourself for it. It’s an interesting movie to be sure. I give Rampage 3 out of 5 stars.

Hump Day Horribleness: ‘House of the Dead’

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One of the great features over at the Internet Movie Database is the Bottom 100. Based on ratings viewers of the site give to various films, the worst of the worst films get put on this list. Some of them are on and off in a matter of days. Others stick around for the long haul, showing just how much suckage they truly emit.

It’s time to look at these movies and determine where they stand. Do they deserve to be on the Bottom 100 list? Are they not as bad as everyone says? Will they be off the list any time soon?

Here’s the breakdown for this week’s film:

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Title: ‘House of the Dead’

Release Date: October 10, 2003

Ranking on Bottom 100 (as of 4/29/2009): #85 (based on 18,953 votes)

Why it’s here: The question shouldn’t really be why is this movie. Â  The real question should be, why aren’t more Uwe Boll films here? Â  The man has a built-in hatred amongst the film world. Â  Hell, I think my mother even knows Uwe Boll’s name based simply on how much hatred there is out there for the man. Â  ‘House of the Dead,’ while not his first film (that would be the seldom seen, but instantly sought after ‘German Fried Movie’ in 1991), was his introduction to most American filmgoers.

Many fans of the video game from which the movie is based were eagerly awaiting to see if the film even came close to expectations. Â  Boy, were they shocked by what they saw.

The acting is horrid, but that’s really not saying much when you consider the most notable thespians in the bunch are Jurgen Prochnow (who, I think, lost all credibility the moment his arms were ripped off in ‘Judge Dredd), Ellie Cornell, and Clint Howard. Â  Seriously, Howard was in a theatrical release, and the director wasn’t Ron Howard. Â  Go figure. Â  I’m not going to rip into Cornell too hard, because she seriously seems to be the only one of the bunch who is trying to make an effort in any way. Â  Of course, we get her hacked up pretty early. Â  I think the director felt she was trying to upstage him or something.

The screenplay is nonexistent. Â  Basically, they’re just making it up as they go along, with General Boll sounding the charge. Â  Three different people worked on the screenplay, and two of them haven’t written anything since. Â  Mark A. Altman, the only one of them to have a writing career post-‘House of the Dead,’ followed up the trainwreck with a few more straight-to-DVD horror flicks including ‘House of the Dead 2.’ Â  Hey, at least he’s earning a paycheck, though, right?

Back to ‘House of the Dead.’ Â  It clearly is a trash film, and it’s reasoning for being on this IMDB bottom 100 grows from a much deeper hatred people have for Boll as a person. Â  Sure, he makes horrible films, but there are countless other films out there that deserve to be amongst the 100 worst films of all time more than ‘House of the Dead.’ Â  Boll’s other should-be embarrassments, ‘Alone in the Dark’ and ‘Bloodrayne,’ deserve their place on this list more than ‘House of the Dead.’ Â  Regardless, this was Boll’s first, mainstream, American endeavor, so it holds its place on the list as a holding pin for Boll’s career as a whole.

Lowest of the low moments: Despite it’s horrid acting and near ludicrous screenplay, the absolute worst moment from ‘House of the Dead’ is this scene right here:

Words can’t describe the amount of trainwreck filmmaking that went into that scene, which brought the film’s running time from 83 minutes all the way up to 90. Â  Glorious.

Will it ever get off the list: While it may appear that ‘House of the Dead’s days of being amongst the worst films of all time are numbered, it might hold its position for a long time. Â  It is currently at number 85, but that is with nearly19,000 votes, and the number of 10s it’s getting don’t seem to be multiplying any day soon. Â  Unless, years down the line, it garners some kind of ‘Troll 2’ cult status, I’m gonna say ‘House of the Dead’ is going to be on the Bottom 100 list for quite a while.

Furlong and Zane must be on ‘Janjaweed’

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As you may have guessed (or not) this is more news on Uwe Boll. You have to hand it to the guy, he’s like the Energizer bunny when it comes to his persistence. The only reason I keep following his news is because he fascinates me on a very strange level.

‘Janjaweed’, also known as ‘Darfur’, is Boll’s next movie and he’s currently casting. Apparently, the opinionated critic-slayer has once again landed actual talent for his cinematic schlock, allegedly signing Edward Furlong (American History X) and Billy Zane (Blood Rayne), as well as Kristanna Loken (In the Name of the King). The cast allegedly also includes Matt Frewer (aka Trashcan Man). The movie is said to be a dramatic story that follows journalists covering the atrocities in Sudan.

[source: Variety]

Uwe Boll needs “Your” help with ‘Blackout’

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Infamous German b-movie filmmaker Uwe Boll has discovered a new method for financing his movies. Boll will go to the Internet to enlist “co-producers” on his next movie called ‘Blackout’. Each “investor” would make a contribution of $49 (33 euros).

‘Blackout’ is a terrorist disaster movie, making it the second with a terrorist-theme. Boll hopes to attain a budget of $18.5 million, which he plans to obtain in $50 increments from his fans. [Does he have this many fans?] Contributions can be made on the website at TheBlackoutFilm.com, which will launch on March 31, 2009.

Any “co-producers” who do offer their financial support are promised a special Limited Edition DVD, plus will have a chance to win a visit to the set. So, what happens if he doesn’t get the amount of money he wants?

If the planned budget is not reached by then, but at least 43% of the desired cash has been collected, Boll may elect to make the movie with a smaller budget. If not, he says he will return most of the cash to investors. The site claims that at least 27 euros ($40) from each payment will be returned should the film not get made. — HR

Uwe Boll is currently making his apocalyptic thriller called ‘The Storm’ starring Lauren Holly and Luke Perry. This concept of financing a movie through fan contributions is nothing new. Filmmaker Charles Band has been doing this already with his (much cooler) line of genre films. What do you think? Will Boll get the funding he wants, or will he have to settle? Will we be shocked to see how much support he gets?

[source: Hollywood Reporter]

Uwe Boll continues to ride ‘The Storm’

Uwe Boll is as persistent as Woody Allen, only not as talented. His newest filmmaking adventure is set to a an apocalyptic thriller called ‘The Storm’. (What an original title!) The movie is said to have a budget somewhere around $5 million and now Boll has secured his leading actor and actress. Lauren Holly will play a mother who must weather the storm… aka, the end of the world. The situation is exasperated when a stranger named Silas, played by Luke Perry, arrives and somehow holds the secret to what is happening.

[source: HollywoodReporter.com]

Review: ‘Postal’ on DVD

I know I haven’t even started writing this review yet, but before I go even further I have this to say… If I find any rotten tomatoes or bags of flaming crap on my step, well… I probably deserve it for what I’m about to do. Uwe Boll’s [that’s pronounced Oo-Vah] latest film to hit the DVD shelves is, geez… I really can’t believe I’m about to say this. ‘Postal’ isn’t a total flop, I mean… it’s not as bad as it could have been. Man, there’s really no easy way to do this. The movie still sort of sucks, but I actually didn’t find myself constantly sighing and scoffing at how bad it was… only occasionally.

‘Postal’ stars Zack Ward as Postal Dude (that’s right, he has no name in the movie) a spineless loser with no job who lives in a nasty little trailer in a nasty little trailer park with his BIG nasty bi*** of a wife who cheats on him with any man that’s brave enough. One day, a particularly bad day for Postal Dude, he finally snaps and takes the gun away from a greasy dude trying to steal his empty wallet at a payphone and in the struggle shoots the robber with his own gun. I suppose Postal Dude has an epiphany of doom and decides to call his Uncle Dave, played by Dave Foley (Kids in the Hall), a perverted man who leads a group of super hot women and his idiot friend Richard in a phony religious cult that he created, teaching that the world is going to end so we might as well party while we’re here. You see, the IRS is onto Uncle Dave’s little scheme and now they want their $1.3 million in back taxes. Postal Dude accepts Uncle Dave’s proposal to heist the rare shipment of Krotchy dolls that just arrived and sell them in online auctions and make a fortune. This plan backfires when not only do they discover Osama Bin Laden’s terrorist organization is after them as well for a plan to distribute the Avian Bird Flu within the Krotchy dolls, but it turns out someone close to Uncle Dave has a diabolical plan of his own for the Krotchy dolls.

Continue reading Review: ‘Postal’ on DVD

Uwe Boll says … I’ll Show You!

While at Cannes, Uwe Boll has apparently announced his next two films. I have to hand it to him … he’s like the pest you just can’t kill. Or, maybe a better analogy is that he’s like an ultra-resilient virus that keeps resurfacing. We try to knock him out with anti-biotics, but each time he comes back as a slightly more aggressive mutated strain of himself.

Here’s the deal, Boll has two films on the table that should prove not only to force critics into an uncharted territory of movie bashing, but now he runs the risk of offending “real” people on “real” issues.

WARNING! The following describes unpleasant things …

Boll’s first of two new films will be Stoic, a drama which will tell the story of an actual 2006 event where three Germans are arrested and thrown in prison. These three men, while playing poker with a fourth, force the fourth the eat a tube of toothpaste after losing, he vomits, is forced to eat that and is then rapes and tortured before his three demented cellmates help him to hang himself to cover up their crimes.

Boll’s film to follow will be Janjaweed, a story about the Sudanese genocide being committed by Janjaweed militia, which centers on a group of American journalists who struggle with whether to leave the country and report the atrocities or stay and somehow help.

Both films will contain improvised dialogue created by the actors themselves, which at this point includes Edward, Furlong, Sam Levinson and Shaun Sipos. I truly can’t understand why someone would want to make a movie such as these, especially an important current issue like Janjaweed, without a well-though-out script. Then again, in an interview with The Hollywood Reporter Boll said “What can I lose?” he says. “I got so bashed for my video game adaptations I don’t care anymore.”

‘Postal’ scores bad reviews, no one surprised.

I stumbled across a movie review from Yahoo for the latest Uwe Boll flick ‘Postal’. Needless to say, it wasn’t good.

The review starts off with “How does Uwe Boll keep getting work? Seriously, this is not a rhetorical question — someone, somewhere surely must know the answer.”. When you open it with that sort of statement, you know what to expect.

“All this action takes place in the fictional town of Paradise, which is essentially one big trailer park. This gives Boll the opportunity to make fun of morbidly obese women and toothless, scrawny men. Also in his cross hairs are Asian drivers, abusive cops, self-important TV reporters and people who take too long to order their coffee. It’s like shooting fish in a barrel, and there’s zero innovation or brains behind his observations.”

Read the full review here. You can also check it out with a 25% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

Uwe Boll goes ‘Postal’ … I give up!

Yes, Uwe Boll is at it again. This time he’s made a “comedy” that apparently pokes fun at the current war on terror. I’m not sure why he thinks he has room to make political statements in his films, seeing as he can’t make a movie that anyone even sees fit for the big screen. One thing that does continuously amaze me though, is that Boll actually manages to cast well-known actors in movies that would otherwise go straight to video. Postal stars Zack Ward, Dave Foley, J.K. Simmons and Verne Troyer. I have two theories … one, the pay is REALLY good. After all, Boll’s movies are basically ways for him to profit off of lucrative German tax incentives for the film business. Or two, the productions are always so much fun to be involved with that actors take the roles just to kick back while working once in a while. (I am leaning towards theory #1)

On the other hand, after doing a little Google research, he is actually getting an occasional “positive” review for Postal. I can’t imagine this movie could be that funny, as I’ve seen one person claim it to be “One of the funniest movies I have ever seen!” This person either has VERY low standards, or is simply so sheltered that this is the first comedy they’ve ever experienced. Either way, the trailer makes it look as though it could be entertaining … if I had the IQ of a turnip. Then again, trailers always make movies look better than they are, right? See for yourself … [If you are so bold, the film’s US release date is May 23]