THERAPY FOR A VAMPIRE – Review

Summer just officially started just a few days ago, so Halloween is months away. Perhaps a great way to get us cooled off, to put us in a Fall state of mind, would be to pay a visit to one of the oldest horror movie icons: the vampire. Everyone’s aware of how scary those fanged fiends can be, but you may have forgotten how funny they are (intentionally, of course). Movie audiences have emitted nervous laughter ever since  Max Schreck emerged from the shadows in the silent classic NOSFERATU. And certainly there are bits (and bites) of humor (mostly comic relief supporting players) in 1931’s DRACULA and MARK OF THE VAMPIRE, both with Bela Lugosi. It wasn’t until 1948 that he was in an all out farce (though the Count is never lampooned) in ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET FRANKENSTEIN. After Hammer Studios brought back (in full gory color) the bloodsuckers ten years later, Roman Polanski made one of the greatest horror parodies ever, THE FEARLESS VAMPIRE KILLERS OR: PARDON ME BUT YOUR TEETH ARE IN MY NECK (AKA DANCE OF THE VAMPIRES). Seven years later, screen legend David Niven donned the fangs and cape for OLD DRACULA (AKA VAMPIRA) followed in five years by “Mr. Suntan” George Hamilton in LOVE AT FIRST BITE. Almost twenty years ago, Mel Brooks, in his screen-directing swan song cast (C’mon Mel, ya’ got another flick in ya’!) Leslie Nielsen as the lead in DRACULA: DEAD AND LOVING IT. And 2014’s WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS was an unexpected delight. Well, it’s time to chuckle, instead of whistle, in the graveyard once more. Hey let’s throw in another element for satire, psychoanalysis. It worked for mobsters, why not the undead? Let’s see, Vienna, the 1930’s…hmm…lets enlist Sigmund Freud (maybe fresh from assisting Sherlock Holmes in THE SEVEN-PER-CENT SOLUTION ?). Really, nobody is more qualified to provide THERAPY FOR A VAMPIRE.
It’s 1932 in Vienna (just a year after that Lugosi classic). Struggling young artist Viktor (Dominic Oley) is in love with waitress Lucy (Cornella Ivancan). Trouble is that when she models for him, Vik paints her as his dream ideal gal with long blonde tresses and frilly, flowing gowns. But the brunette Lucy wears her hair pinned back and favors neck-high sweaters and (gasp!) trousers. One of his side projects is illustrating the dream images of the patients of Sigmund Freud (Karl Fischer), this for a possible book. Soon the doctor gets a new patient, a wealthy aristocrat who has donated heavily to his publishing concerns named Count Geza von Kozsnom (Tobias Moretti). Their sessions must be scheduled in the evenings, because the Count is an ancient vampire (natch’!). And he needs council because he’s lost his zest for life. He longs for his long, looong (500 years!) lost love Nadila since his marriage to his vampire wife has stalled. One big reason is that this lady, Elsa (Jeanette Hain) is one vain vamp! She misses seeing her reflection and begs the Count to describe her features in great detail. Freud suggests that she sit for a portrait, with his collaborator Viktor. Meanwhile, Lucy has seen those dream sketches and decides to prank her beau by showing up at his studio, dressed as his subject, complete with dyed golden locks and a stunning low-cut gown. She arrives just as the Count floats outside Vik’s window, and wouldn’t you know that Lucy is an undead ringer for Nadila! Soon he’s wooing her while his human familiar Radul (David Bennent) tries to cut in, while Vik avoids the deadly embrace of Elsa. Freud himself may need analyst. And a blood transfusion!

Moretti simply oozes old world sophistication as the world-weary Count. He’s tired of the “stalking a victim/meal” existence. His servant waits in dark alleys to club ladies, drain them of their plasma, and mixes it in a flask (“half street-walker, half virgin”) for his sullen master. More invigorating than the blood is the sight of his reincarnated paramour (love the way Moretti makes her name into a wail, “NaaaDeeeLahh!”). At the opposite end of the vamp spectrum is Hain, who still has a gleeful, nearly child-like delight in mangling her meals (almost playing with her food, eh?). The sets and actors are splashed with buckets ‘o’ blood (a macabre Gallagher concert). But she too has a sadness about her as she begins to forget her own face (alluringly framed by jet-black Louise Brooks-inspired hair). Bennent is not the usual “Renfield”-type of horror film lackey. He’s got a resentment towards his boss fueled by disdain and disgust (“the old impotent fool”). Plus he’s very funny as he scurries about like a lovelorn puppy. Fischer has some fun as he pokes holes in the stuffy, often clueless, very pompous intellectual. After all, these are really monsters of myth, nightmares of the ignorant actually. Oley has a great coiled energy as the youthful romantic lead. He’s not aware that he’s alienating his love by his need to give her an art “make-over”. The film’s breakthrough star may be the dazzling Ivancan whose Lucy yearns to be more than “arm decoration”. She’s smart, sassy, and open to the new (especially the perks of being…different). Hopefully this will open the door for many more compelling screen performances ( she’d be terrific as an adversary or confidant of a certain gentleman agent).

Director/writer David Ruehm has concocted a frothy farce that glides by, like a big thirsty bat, in just under 90 minutes (take note you movie comedy mavens). He effortlessly balances quick wordplay with breakneck (and “bite-neck”) slapstick as characters evade each other by seconds. The film has a lush look thanks to the old European streets and the period costumes and props (love the Count’s gleaming sedan). Ruehm mixes in a lot of clever visual tricks, many involving shadows similar to what Coppola employed in BRAM STOKER’S DRACULA along with CGI (love how Viktor’s pint brush bristles fan out, as if hitting an invisible wall, when he tries to paint Elsa’s face) and stunt work (wall crawling as well as a certain Marvel “web-head”). Lots of classic vampire lore is included (they must be invited into a home) along with one fairly new to cinema (and no it’s not akin to that sparkly TWILIGHT nonsense). Seems you can distract a vampire by tossing lots of stuff onto the floor, a condition known as arithmomania. They’ve got a obsessive compulsion to…count (maybe this explains that Sesame Street muppet). If you’re looking for a clever, expertly executed love letter to the heroes of your favorite heroes of those late night TV “creature features, then THERAPY FOR A VAMPIRE is just what the doctor, or the psychiatrist ordered. I’m sorry your session’s time is up. Next week then?
4.5 Out of 5
THERAPY FOR A VAMPIRE opens everywhere and screens exclusively in the St. Louis area at Landmark’s Tivoli Theatre