Tag: Theater Etiquette

Melissa Gets Hit By The Soul Train

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Hey there boys and girls! It’s your good friend Melissa here, with another tale of movie-going horror. This is possibly the most ridiculous one to date. Be sure to stay till the end, because I’m not just bringing this column back, I’m changing it up a bit…

So, a few weeks back I finally went to see “The Hangover” at a local theater. It had already been out for a couple of weeks and it was a weeknight, so I figured that the crowd would be relatively small and pleasant. BOY WAS I WRONG!

I found a spot in the center of the seats, perfectly distanced from the screen, and settled in with my treats. There were only a few people in the theater so I gave a sigh of relief! They were all quietly sitting, minding their own business and waiting for the show to begin. The lights went down and the previews started with no problems. “Man!” I thought to myself, “This is great!”. Rule #1 of movie-going in the present time… You are never in the clear!

As the credits started for the movie and the opening theme music began, two teenagers and their mother snuck into the theater and decided to sit right in front of me. Wait, did I say sit? I meant that they put their stuff down and started dancing like it was a Friday night dance party! Once the credits were done, they settled into their seats and began talking on their phones. When I asked them to please quit distracting from the movie, the mom just scoffed and started mocking me to her children. “Ok”, I thought to myself, “I am not going to put up with this!”

I went outside of the theater and told an usher what was going on. He then informed the manager who came into the theater, warned the disturbing trio, and went back out to the lobby. Well, you’ll never guess what happened next! “Who Let The Dogs Out” happened! As soon as that song started playing, the dance party started again. Booty’s were quaking, “Awwe” ‘s and “Git it” ‘s were being called out between them, (since dancing has it’s own dumbed down language that is the mutated spawn of a football pep talk and a turrets inspired tick, triggered by anything with a baseline!) and I was furious! Round two involved me storming back into the lobby and speaking to the manager myself. His reaction was to stand inside the theater for five minutes and then walk back out! That only made things worse. The next thing I know, they are running up and down the aisles screaming, talking to each other from across the theater, and having some of the loudest and possibly the least coherent conversations on their phones that I have ever heard!

By the end of the movie I was fuming mad. My anger had been transferred from the ill mannered family to the manger on duty at the theater. I decided that he and I needed to have a talk, and it was not going to be a pleasant one. The conversation started with me describing everything that had happened, and how I was furious that he allowed that kind of behavior go on. He simply informed me that there was nothing he could do about it.

Nothing you can do about it? Aren’t you the manager? Can’t you kick them out or ban them from the premises? If they don’t comply I believe that there is a local enforcement task that will be more than happy to come and save the day! I believe they are called the police. I’m sorry, but there are about a million things that you can do! The manager even admitted that the unruly dancing clan didn’t even have tickets to the movie! ARE YOU SERIOUS!!! You can’t control any of these factors? I am pretty sure that we can find someone in this economy who is more than willing to keep order, do their job, and earn a steady paycheck! I was beyond angry that he had not taken responsibility for the behavior that he allowed, but what was even more frustrating was that he did not even try to offer an apology or a solution. I am never the type to look for a free ride, but I felt that I was owed my money back! When I brought this up he danced around it, claiming that the whole situation was something that I should just expect when coming to a theater and still denying any form of responsibility for allowing disruptive behavior to occur. Um, hello! You allowed MTV’s The Grind to make a comeback in the middle of your theater, I’m out $18 bucks, and I didn’t even get even get Eric Nies as a consolation prize!

An open note to theater owners everywhere,

Hello Movie Theater Owner,

My name is Melissa, and I love movies! I do not, however, appreciate the unruly behavior that is being allowed in a majority of theaters around the country. Please try to keep your theater a pleasant place to visit. If this means a zero tolerance rule to keep the peace then so be it! If there is a disturbance, such as talking, cell phones, or people acting inappropriately, it is not a difficult thing to give a warning to the rude party and move someone from the concession stand, a manager, or even yourself , the owner, into the theater to maintain a pleasant viewing environment and to keep a watchful eye. The number of patrons who attend theaters is on a constant decline because of disruptive behavior and not just because of the rising prices. I would personally pay a higher price if I knew that I could enjoy a movie in a quite environment! If someone doesn’t respond to a simple request to be silent and respectful, then it is your job to remove them so that the rest of us can continue to enjoy the show. Once the message is out that your establishment does not allow disturbances, you will have fewer incidents and I guarantee you will gain more movie loving patrons! So, please do your job! Otherwise I am going to blame you when “the movie theater” comes to a bitter end.

A Sincere and Serious Request,

Melissa

And I beg you, fans of film, to have a zero tolerance yourself. Rise up, my movie loving army,   for your cinematic enjoyment rights! Do not feel awkward or nervous in asking your neighbor to please be quiet so that you can enjoy the movie! You paid to be there! Your time and/or enjoyment is just as important as theirs! If this does not work, it is your duty to make a polite, yet firm complaint to an employee or manager so that the disturbance is stopped and the rude party is made aware that their behavior will not be tolerated. If the theater or manager still does not respond, then it’s time to write to the owners, or in most cases, the major theater corporation that takes ownership over the theater.

Now, on to the slight change in my article. You have heard my stories, and now I wanna hear yours! Got a crazy real life story from going to a movie theater? Have a question about how to act in a theater, or how to handle a situation? I want to hear from you! Send your stories and questions to melissa@wearemoviegeeks.com and your story or question just might be featured in my column!

So until next time remember, I’ll be watching you!

Melissa

Sit Down, Shut Up… and LET ME WATCH MY MOVIE!

Since my start not too long ago with the Movie Geeks, I have been contemplating the start of a movie etiquette column. The purpose being that some of you out there need to be schooled in proper movie viewing behavior. Under this column you will find Movie Do’s, Movie Don’t’s, and Movie Geek horror stories of what happens as we try to do what we love… which is WATCH MOVIES!!!

I will start my column with five basics. Now these seem simple enough, but some of you don’t quite comprehend the unspoken movie-going rules. That’s why I am taking on the role of making them spoken (or written at least). For those of you that do understand this, you can take joy in the fact that these idiots are being called out! Now… Let’s get this party started!

Movie Basic #1. DON’T TALK DURING THE MOVIE!!

We’ve all been there… You’re at a movie theater, or watching on a couch with some friends… the movie comes on… AND THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU WON’T SHUT UP!!! This isn’t the occasional whisper of “Will you pass the popcorn?” or “Holy Batman that was awesome!”. This is the “I am going to tell you about my whole day” or “I’m the guy that has to add my own commentary during the whole movie”. There is some debate on when it is approprate to finally silence yourself. Some say that previews are free range for talking. I say that once the lights are lowered your mouth should be lowered too! Some wrap up whispers may be uttered, but I care about the previews. (I should hope so if I call myself a movie geek!) Now look, I’m not one to complain about every peep made during my movie adventure, but when I keep getting pulled out of the storyline by girls giggling about boys, or guys duding it up with each other, then I get angry. When I get angry, you get one warning… then I call you out in front of everyone around us. It’s funny, every time that I have finally raised my voice at some annoying, gum chomping jabber-jaw, I have gotten nothing but praise, even applause from those surrounding me! Therefore, I encourage you to shush those into silence if they are ruining your experience. Chance is, you will also be doing those around you a favor!

Movie Basic #2. DON’T KICK MY SEAT

There once was a time where theater seats were crowded together. They were small, uncomfortable, had little booty support, and gave no leg room whatsoever. Guess what? THOSE DAYS ARE GONE MY FRIEND! Thanks to the invention of stadium seating, we all can spread our legs out without having to squeeze in to the aisle so tightly that we are eating our knees! For example… I am just shy of 5’11”, I wear a 34-36 inseam, and I am more than comfortable in a movie seat. Therefor, if there is someone sitting in front of me, I have no need to rest my legs upon their seat. You might think “What’s wrong with resting your legs on a seat?”. It’s not the fact that you are resting them, it’s that every time you move, so does the seat! Also, do not tap your foot or swing it around so close to the seat in front of you. You aren’t that coordinated, you’re gonna knock into it, and after the second of third time, I’m going to get angry! This rule also applies to children. I like kids, I like kids movies, but I do not like when you let your kid run around like he was doing lines of cotton candy and pixie sticks. Why? Because then they kick, hit, and run into my chair. I have even had children pull my hair because they are playing around my seat and won’t let go of my chair. I’m not OK with that. Mom’s and Dad’s, I am not silent. I do not have to enjoy your playing children during my movie going, popcorn eating, soda drinking zen.

Movie Basic #3. SPREAD OUT!

When I go into a theater with just a couple of people in it, I get giddy! I can spread out, relax and enjoy the show. Then you walk in… You and your loud friends who decided that the seat right next to, in front of, or behind me would be the best decision when THE REST OF THE THEATER IS VIRTUALLY EMPTY! You should be seating yourself in the next comfortable area that does not impose upon the other patron’s personal space. I don’t need to hear your conversation, smell your musky canned body spray, or fight for the arm rest that I reserved ten minutes before you got here. If the theater is a bit more full, then you should at least take the courtesy of leaving one seat in between you and the stranger that you are going to be sitting next to. I do understand that sometimes a movie is just that crowded, but if you can help it, and 99 percent of the time you can, then please… leave me my dignity and personal space!

Movie Basic #4 If Your Child is Not Well Behaved or Too Young, THEN DO NOT BRING THEM!

This one might make people mad, but I am going to elaborate on the unruly children that I mentioned in the previous Movie Basic.   Let me preface this by saying that I do not hate children. I really enjoy children. If you cannot control your child’s behavior, than a movie is not the place to take them. All to often, especially in children’s movies, I see parents letting their children run amok. They cry, yell, scream, throw things, and run around while the parent or guardian just sit by and let it happen. When it is a children’s movie, some adults think that this is acceptable behavior, and since it is a movie made for kids, they ignore the adults who are trying to enjoy it as well. So, let me make this rule clear… if you cannot control your child, do not take them to a public movie! Wait for it to come out on DVD. Now, there are instances of good children gone bad. In that case, if your child is being disruptive, do not wait for them to calm down, take them out of the theater immediately and do not return to your seats until the child is calmed and in control. Just like it is my job to be the best movie patron that I can be, it is your job to make sure that you and your children do the same. I am a kid at heart! There are a lot of us out there, so please respect our right to not be distracted by misbehaving young-ins!

Movie Basic #5 CONTROL YOUR BODILY FUNCTIONS!

I have far too many horror stories about this that will soon be shared in upcoming articles. Now we will simply discuss the basics. Control your gas and burps! If you have really bad gas, excuse yourself so you don’t make me vomit inside of my mouth or taint my buttery popcorn and tasty snacks! Do not just let them rip! I don’t wanna hear them either! Same goes for burps. I have actually had people burp loudly that were sitting next to me. How rude is this! And when did it become acceptable public behavior to finally display your inner workings in public? Here is a suggestion… Pretend that you are on a date with the hottest babe that has ever walked the face of the planet, or the most tasty morsel of man-meat that you can conjure through your wildest dreams. Now, for some odd reason, some miracle from a higher power, they are interested in you. It is your job to be on your best behavior as to not repulse them! This is how you should act while in a theater.

So there you have it… Five basics so that you can be the best movie-goer that you can be! If you can’t handle this, then wait for it to come out on DVD. If you still feel like ignoring the rules, then you better pray you are not sitting next to me!

Remember, if you won’t let me watch my movie… THEN I’LL BE WATCHING YOU!