Author: Movie Geeks

Review: ‘Star Wars: The Clone Wars’

Ram Man:

A Long Time Ago on a Sound stage far far away George Lucas came up with one of the Greatest film trilogies of all time. Since then he has marketed them into oblivion. The latest is the new animated film Star Wars: The Clone Wars. George has decided to fill everyone in on what actually took place in the three years that was the Clone Wars prior to the Empire take over in “Episode 3 Revenge of the Sith”.

The first disturbing thing was to have a Star Wars film open without the classic 20th Century Fox drum-roll and searchlights. Then to lead in with some average score ..not by the great John Williams, just has the true diehards in the crowd a bit confused. The Clone Wars is strictly a vehicle to get kids interested in the animated features that George will continue on Cartoon Network. The story is “dumbed” down for the kids. The Separatists led by Count Dooku (Christopher Lee) have gone to Tatooine and kidnapped Jabba the Hutt’s son. Who did he find to procreate with…yuk! Anyway. The young hutt who is a glorified slug is held by Dooku’s assassin Asajj Ventress, a combination of Grace Jones and Agelina Jolie, in an attempt to frame the Jedi for the abduction. This will be the final blow to the republic by bringing the Hutt clan into the fight and closing off the last of the supply routes through the outer rim.

The Jedi learn of the abduction and master Yoda and Mace Windu (Samuel L. Jackson) send their two best Jedi to rescue the slug and return him back to Jabba. Anakin and Obiwan on the losing end of a battle on the planet Christophis are greated by a new padewan learner Ahsoka Tano, only to find out she is Anakin’s student. This begins and bickering session that would rival any married couple. ObiWan, Anakin and his student are sent to the planet Teth, a jungle world, when the clones discover the seperatists are holding the slug there in an old monastery. Jabba’s kid and the rest of his family remind me of the things I like least about the films. These creatures put in the stories so kids can relate to them (Jar-Jar, Ewoks). The worst is Jabba’s brother Zero (the name says it all!) and Truman Capote sounding Gay Hutt. George are you kidding me!!!!! A couple of good battles ensue. Obi-Wan takes on Ventress and returning the Hutt to Tattoine, Anakin squares of with Dooku again.

There is three years between Movies 2 & 3, so George has plenty to work with. Please keep them confined to the small screen. Don’t let me paint an entirely grim picture, The Clone Wars features some fantastic animation. The only thing I would add, It would have been nice to have everyone back to voice their characters. In addition to Jackson and Lee, Ian Abercrombie returns as Chancellor Pallpatine/Darth Sidious and Anthony Daniels as c-3PO. I’m sure with the success of Jumper (hahahahaha) Haden Christensen was too busy to talk into a mike. Also some folks from the original trilogy (Han Solo) have a hand in the wars and would be nice to see. Bottom line, Star Wars: Clone Warsis a fine family film geared to the kids under 12. True Star Wars geeks see it if you must but wait for the DVD. With Lucas you may want to wait til he puts it out a couple of times and compiles the entire war before you buy it.

(rating 3/5 deathstars)

Zac:

George Lucas has decided to keep the Star Wars franchise alive by producing two television series, the first of which to debut is, Star Wars: The Clone Wars. This film is the first story arc of the television show and introduces us to this fun and exciting new look into the Star Wars universe.

The film is loosely connected to the previously released Clone Wars series on Cartoon Network, and I believe will fill in the gaps that those 25 episodes painted for the infamous Clone Wars during the events of Episode II and III. The plot of this film follows the supposed kidnap of Jabba the Hutt’s son, Rotta, by a group of bandits and the implications it will have on the space routes of both the Separatists and Republic forces on the Outer Rim territories.

Obviously the plot thickens and there is more to the situation than meets the eye. Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker are assigned to the mission of saving Jabba’s son, but not before having to fight a battle on the planet Christophsis and Anakin’s assignment of a Padawan learner Ahsoka Tano. Ahsoka is ready to learn and immediately begins to be a pain in Anakin’s side as she is a bit of a child and has a lot of growing up to do. After some bonding and narrow victory on Christophsis, the duo of Anakin and Ahsoka head off to the planet Teth where the republic has followed the smugglers that kidnapped Rotta.

The plot I will go know further on but instead focus on the film itself as it is a generally good piece of entertainment. First off, the animation is solid and really quite exceptional at times. Is it Pixar caliber, no, but it looks as good as some DreamWorks material and TMNT did, and remember, this is a TV show we are watching. We are going to get 100 episodes of television at this level of production, which is something to be excited for. The 3-D animation captures some of the look of the original Clone Wars mini-series but also sets its own visual flavor as well.

Speaking of the original Clone Wars, all of the main villains show up in this series as well. Asajj Ventress returns as Dooku’s apprentice and has plenty of fighting to do in this film as the main antagonist besides Dooku. General Grievous makes a brief appearance, but sits this one out, for sure to be a major player in upcoming series. The film itself is fairly centered on Anakin and Ahsoka with quick glimpses into what Mace, Yoda, Obi-Wan, and the Sith are doing, but this is definitely the Master and Padwan’s bonding story. To note, the series will not be centered on these two, they might get their own episodes here and there, but the series, like its previous iteration, will have arcs and plot lines that focus on just the Clone Troopers, other Jedi Masters, or possibly even just the Sith. The bonding story works well for the most part, Ahsoka can be a bit childish and annoying, but her arc in the film got her heading in the right direction as things got more serious’ though maintaining that young adventure and playfulness to a degree.

In fact the younger, lighter, feel this film has will be the major complaint with many; outside the biggest atrocity to the Star Wars franchise ever but we will get to that later. But outside Ahsoka and the silliness of some of the battle droids, which I found pretty hilarious on a number of occasions and delivered the best laugh by far, the movie is brutal. The battle scenes are full of death and clones getting taken down and blow away. There are clones even getting executed point blank at times, it’s some rough stuff and really helped sell the battles. The purpose of this film and series is to show the Clone Wars and even though this one might have been a bit centered on the Star Wars heroes, what the show is doing when we are not focusing on them is pretty darn good and should make some exciting stories and plots where we don’t know the outcome. It would even be cool if Lucas plugged in some of the characters from the upcoming live action show and sneaked them in there.

Now, there were things that did kind of rub me the wrong way about the movie, but didn’t ruin my overall experience with this pretty great little piece of Star Wars lore. Ahsoka calls Anakin “Sky Guy” and R2 “artooie’ a few times and it just made me role my eyes every time it happened. Rotta the Hutt is a bit of a childish device, but he did make me laugh on a couple of occasions, though I could have done without Jabba’s pet name for him; he is supposed to be an evil bastard. Also, they sneak Padme into the third act and it was a bit unnecessary other then the inclusion of the other major character in the prequels.

But the biggest error of adding in her was that she had to deal with the absolute worst thing to ever happen to Star Wars. Now, I don’t mind Jar Jar, and would be accused by many Star Wars dorks to be an ‘apologist’, to which I say “go f**k yourself, excuse me for just sitting back and enjoying getting something new and fun in the Star Wars universe,” but I digress. I can not apologize for Ziro the Hutt, Jabba’s uncle. His character is so bad, annoying, and just plain wrong, that I can not believe that he made it into this movie. How does someone working on this film not stop and go, ‘This is shit! What are we doing? This is shit!’ He is terrible. He is like a transvestite Hutt, a man wearing make up, eye shadow, and body paint, talks like an effeminate gay man meets Truman Capote, and he loves Jazz. The instant he opens his mouth your jaw will drop and you will be in disbelief with his character. Luckily, we will never have to seem again most likely, and if the writers have the audacity to put him back in the show, they are complete morons. I will say, Ziro was so bad, I found it humorous and not rage inducing, and it allowed me to just laugh and go, wow, that sucked, but I am not going to let you ruin this great little piece of Star Wars.

So after the mess that is Ziro, what is left? Thankfully a lot of great action, plenty of humor and a great start to a promising TV series. The animation will be spectacular on the small screen and is pretty solid for a feature film. It’s fun to be back and be able to play in the Star Wars universe again, and will continue to be able to for years to come. This iteration of The Clone Wars right now sits a little below the superb series that was released between Episode II and III, but also show a lot of promise for its TV future for what could easily turn into one of the finer pieces of the Star Wars franchise. So if you like Star Wars, get out and see The Clone Wars, and start building excitement for the series this fall.

(4 ‘roger, roger’s’ out of 5)

Jeremy:

You really have to excuse the Star Wars fans that were more than a little skeptical about an all animated feature that takes place between Episodes II and III. Star Wars 2.5, or The Clone Wars, really should have been the second, live action film to be released in Lucas’ “New Trilogy.” The first film should have been Attack of the Clones. The Phantom Menace is a story that is absolutely useless and whose intricacies should have been relegated to fan fiction and message boards. But I digress. When it was announced that Lucas and company were releasing a completely animated feature in theaters called The Clone Wars, the one question on most people’s minds was simply, “Why?”

Well, if you know anything about Uncle George and his ever-expanding wallet, than the why really isn’t much of a question, now is it? Star Wars: The Clone Wars was made for one purpose and one purpose alone. The ever-weakening dollar. The story isn’t anything we don’t already know. The relationships established in Episode I and II don’t really need any more development. Lucas just believed there were more characters in the Star Wars universe that needed action figures to stock shelves in toy stores.

Now, look past all that, because, believe it or not, Star Wars: The Clone Wars is actually a good ride. Its not flawless by any means, but it provides a nicely paced adventure that holds your interest from the opening frame.

It has a Star Wars Lite feel early on, but that’s not hard to look past. There are several things to commend The Clone Wars for. The animation is solid. Director Dave Filoni moved nicely from supervising The Clone Wars animated series and a few episodes of Avatar: The Last Airbender to manning a feature film. The plot, a rather simply story involving the kidnapping of Jabba the Hutt’s son, unfolds at a nice speed with evenly paced action.

For the most part, the voice acting is decent. Samuel L. Jackson as Mace Windu, Anthony Daniels as C-3P0, and Christopher Lee as Count Dooku are the only live action actors to reprise their roles. Everyone else has been recast, and the new voice for Anakin, Matt Lanter, makes you so glad you’re not hearing the incessant winings of one Hayden Christensen. Ashley Eckstein who play Ahsoka Tano, Anakin’s young Padawan, kind of grates on your nerves, but that’s more her character than anything.

With a run time of just under 100 minutes, there isn’t much time for the story to drag its feet, and that is what most fans will probably enjoy. There is very little in regards to the brooding love between Anakin and Princess Amidala. The comedy bits, particularly those revolving around the Droid soldiers, get somewhat tedious.

The Clone Wars is a good time to be had if you can look past the fact that its sole purpose is to make money. The R2-D2 with Baby the Hutt in Baby Bjorn figure is sure to be a hit. The kids are going to love this film. Fans of the series, whether they wine beforehand or not, will enjoy it. It’s a solid entry into the Star War franchise, and, if we are going to get that in return, who can blame Lucas for pocketing a few more million into his bank account?

(3.5 out of 5)

Michelle:

Which Brainiac over at the Cartoon Network had the idea of a Hutt family kidnapping as a main story plot? Jabba’s a daddy to a little slug with bulging eyes and has a queeny Uncle Ziro, unbelieveably made out to be Truman Capote, who are duped into believing that the Hutts are being betrayed by the Jedi. By that point, I was through….through I tell you!!!

It was jarring enough not to see the 20th Century Fox logo and hear the fanfare at the beginning of a Star Wars movie, but then to segue into a narration something out of the 1970’s “Superfriends” was bush league. Even the voices of Christopher Lee as Count Dooku, Samuel L. Jackson as Mace Windu didn’t help.

In the end, it’ll play out better on your T.V. before the “Clone Wars” series begins in October on the Cartoon Network. Maybe it’s just as well this cartoony mess shows up under the Warner Bros. logo and stays in a galaxy much farther away.

(1 out of 5)

Travis:

I’m not one to usually say I told you so, but after seeing this I couldn’t help myself. Unfortunately, I was unable to make the screening but did go see this on opening weekend. I had told a few friends of mine that the animation looked bad and had predicted that the movie was going to fail. In my opinion, I was dead on.

Here’s the problem… or, at least one of the problems with this new animated ‘Star Wars’ movie… with all the time and money put into creating a fully CGI film, the Lucas crew could made a truly kick-ass traditional animated film that I would have much rather watched than this version. Sure, it has detail and action to boot, but the execution is questionable. After seeing this movie, a friend of mine and I were conversing about the pros and cons of ‘Clone Wars’ and ended up watching some episodes of the animated series on YouTube. We both concluded we’d have rather watched that than what we saw.

I know many of you want an explanation, so here you go… first of all, what the Hell is with the Hutt story-line? The entire premise of this movie revolves around the kidnapping of Jabba the Hutt’s son. OK, I understand they need to gain favor with Jabba to access his territory as a strategic war advantage, but why the Hell would I care about Jabba’s son? I compare this to the similar formula of failure present in ‘The Phantom Menace’… the coolest parts of ‘TPM’ have minimal screen time, but what takes up the majority of the movie? The freakin’ pod racing! I mean, it was kinda cool… for the first few scenes, but why so much of it? Like wise, in ‘Clone Wars’ there is way to much time and attention put on the annoying and terribly rendered baby Huttlet.

Some of the action and saber battles were cool, but again I return to the major flaw in this movie. The fights were to constrained and mechanical. Jedi battles need the benefit of fluidity and grace, which this CGI production squanders. If you go back and watch some of the better saber duels from the animated series, you’ll notice that, despite the animation not being perfect, there was fluidity to the action that made the fights really cool. As far as the story goes, I have to say it was pretty weak. Nothing truly caught my attention strongly and I just sort of mindlessly drifted through the plot. As always, and reminiscent of ‘TPM’, Ventress had too little screen time and when she did battle, she was betrayed by the lousy CGI production. There was barely any backstory of any kind aside from the ridiculous Hutt element and there were a few disconcerting plot errors that don’t mesh with the live-action movies. For example, in the prequilogy, Anakin was made Jedi but denied the rank of master, but in ‘Clone Wars’ everyone and their grandmother clearly refer to him as Master.

On the whole, I am sure kids will love this movie and from what I understand it is intended to lead into the upcoming new animated series. However, I can only imagine that the vast empire of adult Star Wars fans found themselves sorely disappointed. I suppose this is worth a DVD rental, but I would caution anyone without kids to really consider whether they want to blow $9.00+ dollars on this sub-par addition to the Star Wars legacy. Oh, I almost forgot to ask… Lucas, what’s with Ziro and the Super Gay Al from ‘South Park’ voice?

(2 droids out of 5)

[rating: 3/5]

Review: ‘Fly Me To The Moon 3-D’

Ram Man:

Fly Me To The Moon is the first fully animated film created for 3-D. It’s 1969 and the USA and Russia are in a race to be the first nation to send a man to the moon. The same holds true in the insect world. Fly Me To The Moon tells the story of three young flies who make a courageous journey stowing away aboard the Apollo 11 rocket to the Moon. The film follows the exact NASA transcripts and rocket blueprints from the mission. The film is accurate and informative and will connect to a whole new generation by use of 3D animation.

Nat (Trevor Gagnon), IQ (Phillip Bolden) and Scooter(David Gore) are young flies with aspirations of greatness. Nat, after years of listening to his grandpa (Christopher LLoyd) tell stories of his cross-Atlantic flights with Amelia Earhardt, decides that he and his friend will be the first Flies on the moon. The three insects secretly sneak aboard the Apollo 11 rocket and are sent into a weeks journey to the Moon. Nat, IQ and Scooter, not to be robbed of their 15 minutes of fame, manage to mugg for the camera during a TV interview with Astronaut Neil Armstrong. Mission Control notices them and has the crew capture the flies in a test tube. Following a very bumpy approach and difficult lunar landing the three amigos are sprung from their glass incarceration. Timing is everything on a space flight. Nat is able to fly into Armstrong’s helmet just before he makes the famous walk..”One small step for man, One giant leap for mankind” I guess insect kind also. While Nat is out on the Moon, IQ is able to repair a loose wire that allows the mission to proceed as planned.

Remember I said this was a race. The Russian have flies too, big ones. So the KGB insects, seeing the same TV interview cannot be outdone by American flies, send their best agent Yegor (Tim Curry) to Cape Canaveral to sabatoge the misson and insure they will be the first insect to safely make it to the Moon and back. One of Grandpa’s old flames Nadia (Nicolette Sheridan) warns the old fly about the eminent disaster. Grandpa comes out of retirement with the rest of the family heads to mission control to save the kids!

Don’t get me wrong, Fly Me To The Moon is by no means Wall-E or even in it’s league. But it is an enjoyable family film that has characters the kids can relate to and enjoy watching and the 3D effect and historical accuracy will entertain the adults. So gather the flock and leave the swatters and the bug spray at home at this little cinematic picnic the flies are the stars!

[rating:3/5]

Michelle:

Three little flies are “haulin the mail” all the way to moon in ‘Fly Me to the Moon.’ This 3-D animated flick tells the story of Scooter, Nat, and IQ’s eagerness for seats on the Apollo 11 mission.

Even though the 3-D animation looks somewhat dated, ‘Fly Me to the Moon’ introduces today’s kids to the awe-inspiring achievement of Apollo 11’s historic mission. From NASA’s flight transcripts and original blueprints, the film’s visuals and attention to detail do the job.

The filmmakers even had astronaut Buzz Aldrin appear at the end to swat off any thoughts buzzing around in kids heads that flies went to the moon. It’s a film that show NASA at its heights….the days when Saturn V rockets ruled the heavens.

[rating:3/5]

Review: ‘Bottle Shock’

Michelle:

‘Bottle Shock’ is a little film based on the true story of what led up to the legendary Judgement of Paris, when California wine beat French wine in a blind taste test in 1976. Directed by Randall Miller, who also wrote the screenplay along with Jody Savin and Ross Schwartz, it premiered at the 2008 Sundance Film Festival in which some of the actual players portrayed in the movie attended. “Bottle Shock” refers to vibration during travel may shock and bruise the wine and it may need up to a week to settle and return to its original color and taste.

‘Bottle Shock’ stars Bill Pullman as Chateau Montelena owner Jim Barrett and Chris Pine as his son Bo Barrett. Alan Rickman (Severus Snape in the “Harry Potter” flicks) plays Steven Spurrier, the English wine shop owner who traveled to California and arranged the tasting. Rachael Taylor (Transformers) plays a wine intern, Sam, who becomes a romantic interest for both Bo and fellow wine maker Gustavo Brambila played by Freddy Rodriguez. Chris Pine gives us a good preview of what we can expect from him in 2009 as Capt Kirk in Paramount’s ‘Star Trek.’

While not ‘Sideways,’ ‘Bottle Shock’ is so laid-back that it never quite finds its footing – comedy or drama? Or to use the vernacular – sweet or dry? This vintage of film needed a little more fermentation.

(2.5 out of 5 stars)

Travis:

Based on a true story… I love seeing those words before a movie. For me, it adds an extra element of intrigue to the story, knowing that the events I am about to experience on the big screen had in some way actually occurred in reality. These movies offer both entertainment in a more traditional cinematic setting than documentaries, while also educating or enlightening the viewer on some level. ‘Bottle Shock’ was a pleasant surprise for me, having known nothing about the film going into the screening, but leaving the theater intellectually satisfied and entertained.

Bill Pullman plays Jim Barrett, the pig-headed California wine-maker who obsessed with creating the perfect Chardonnay. He struggles with his slacker post-Woodstock hippie son Bo (Chris Pine) and the fact that he’s flat broke and owes the bank some major debt. All Jim wants is to succeed in creating a quality and successful wine, but refuses help from anyone. Gustavo (Freddy Rodriguez) is perhaps his greatest asset to the winery, but when he learns that he’s been developing a wine of his own he lets him go. All of this drama and tension builds up just before Steven Spurrier (Alan Rickman) shows up to invite California wineries to put their wares up against that of the legendary French fares. Spurrier is a British national who loves French wine and loathes the idea of California trying to prove itself a worldly wine competitor. He stages a blind wine testing between several American and French wines with the intention to embarrass the Californian hopefuls, but instead learns for himself that the States actually have some decent wine. Thus, is the story behind the great tasting of 1976, which resulted in two distinct bottles of wine being added to the Smithsonian Institute’s permanent collection.

Everyone in this movie does a fine job. Rickman is great as the snobby Brit who wishes he were French. I especially enjoyed Freddy Rodriguez, although his role was only minimally crucial to the story. I really enjoyed his performance in ‘Lady in the Water’ (stop throwing tomatoes!) and thought he offered the same encouraging level of acting in ‘Bottle Shock’. Bill Pullman was Bill Pullman, no complaints there. The story has some light romance as well, that involves both Gustavo and Bo with an intern who wants to learn the craft of wine-making. While not as compelling or successful as ‘Sideways’ this film does still hold some of the same appeal, featuring drama with light comedy based in realistic human interactions. Definitely worth watching.

(3.5 stars out of 5)

Ram Man:

There are things that you never forget: USA vs Russia in the”Miracle on Ice”, Apollo 11 landing on the Moon, The Rams winning the Superbowl. Bottle Shock tells us another underdog story that we never knew “California vs. France in the wine showdown”. Bottle Shocktell the story of the beginnings of the Napa Valley Wine industry and their miraculous victory over the French in a blind taste test.

It is 1976, America is celebrating their Bicentennial and the French are the foremost authority on wine. Everything is about to change! Jim Barrett (Bill Puhlman) is an ex-attorney turned wine maker and owner of the Chateau Montelena winery in Napa Valley California. Jim escaped the hustle and bustle of La Law scene to pursue his dream of the perfect Chardonnay. Jim is constantly butting heads with his slacker son Bo (Chris Pine). They have a unique way of settling disputes and making decisions on the winery…in the boxing ring. Bo, who thinks he still at Woodstock, is not the help Jim needs to put Chateau Montelena on the map. Jim’s real right hand, a local worker Gustavo (Freddy Rodriegez) , is the heart of the operation. But Gusatvo has dreams of his own, mainly making his own wine label from grapes he has been secretly cultivating.

Back across the pond, Steven Spurrier(Alan Rickman) business man hoping to save his floundering Wine shop, stages a blind taste test between the great wines of France and the new upstarts in the Napa Valley in California. Spurrier has a secret agenda :embarrass the USA on an important anniversary of their independence. Spurrier travels to California to sample and choose the wines for the compitetion. His travels bring him to Chateau Montelena and Jim Barrett, who sees right through him. He denies Spurrier’s request to bring Jim’s Chardonnay to Paris. Bo realizing this is the final hope for the business secretly get the wine to Spurrier and they both collaborate to get all the wine to Paris. You are only allowed 1 carry on bottle of wine, so Steve and Bo must convince the entire flight ot bring a bottle on board. *Wine Tip* The title of the film “Bottle Shock” is a wine term that refers to wine that is more or less jet-lagged from being transported in a cargo hold. All the wine arrives safely and Both Jim and Gustavo’s wines make the competition.

A telegram arrives, informing the Barrett’s of the success and the impending competition. The other wineries receive the same telegram. Fear of a fix covers the crowd and after a small deliberation they chose to send Bo to Paris to make sure the competition is on the up and up. The contest goes on as planned and Napa wines sweep the taste test to the shock and awe of the ego inflated French. The rest as they say is history. You can tell as you walk through your local supermarket what ramifications this small piece of cultural history has made. Now you have wines from all over the Globe not just a small region in Paris.

Bottle Shock is the “Rocky” for wine lovers across the country. The film features outstanding performances from Rickman and Rodriguez and serves to inform Americans on a little known piece of it’s Nation’s accomplishment. Raise your glasses and give a toast to Bottle shock, the latest in a line of “true” underdog stories that serve to inspire and entertain us.

(3.75 out of 5)

[rating: 3.25/5]

Review: ‘Jack Brooks, Monster Slayer’

Travis:

I’ve been itching to see this for months now. I am such a sucker for fun monster-filled b-movies and ‘Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer’ doesn’t disappoint. Having finally had an opportunity to screen this future cult classic, I can say it was worth the wait. Director Jon Knautz’s creature FX symphony made my eyes tear up a little while watching because I hadn’t seen a good film from this small but popular sub-genre since the ‘Evil Dead’ movies.

I do have to be honest though. I was hoping for a bit more of the monsters than the movie ended up with, but I’m not complaining. The film stars Trevor Matthews as Jack Brooks, a kid who witnessed his entire family attacked and eaten by a savage monster in the forest. Jack grows up and develops a severe anger management issue as a psychological result of his trauma as a child. As he struggles to come to terms with this ailment of his, mostly through highly ineffective psychiatric therapy, Jack works to hold down a career as a plumber while taking a night class in science. [That’s the only class that was offered.] This is how he meets Robert Englund…

Professor Crowley [nice subtle homage to the genre] is played by Robert Englund. Crowley is a mild-mannered science teacher who happens to have gotten a killer deal on a big, creepy house up on the hill. Turns out the house is cursed and Crowley ends up hosting one nasty demonic possession. Aside from his legendary creation of Freddy Krueger, this is probably my favorite performance from Robert Englund, allowing him to spread his wings just a little wider than what Krueger’s character encompassed. He’s funny, he’s creepy… he’s Robert Englund at his best.

The creature effects themselves are really well-done considering this was a lower budget production. The cinematography is about what’s expected from such a film, but the soundtrack and the not-cheesy-at-all dialogue pick up for the average camera work. While it’s not “everything” I hoped the movie would be, it is far more than itcould have been and I am glad for that. Perhaps we’ll get a sequel, but I doubt it… probably for the best. If you’re into well-made monster b-movies that don’t insult the viewer, that youshould treat yourself to ‘Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer’.

[rating:3.75/5]

Michelle:

‘Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer.’ This kind of movie harkens back to a time when, as a kid, any inkling of “monsters† and I was there. From beginning to end, I found myself overcome by that same slappy-happy feeling for this film.

After seeing his family’s horrific murder, a young Jack Brooks (Trevor Matthews) is left with an inner rage that he constantly fights to control. Years later, Jack works as a local plumber, is in a bad relationship with his girlfriend Eve, and takes night classes at the local college. One night, Jack attempts to fix his professor’s old, rusted pipes, but unknowingly unleashes a baddie. This demonic power lures Professor Crowley (Robert Englund) where he discovers a monstrous black heart that quickly forces its way inside of him, turning the professor into -SURPRISE!- a gruesome monster. Like all true slayers, Jack realizes he can’t run from his past and quickly discovers his true purpose.

‘Jack Brooks’ had a successful showing at the Slamdance Film Festival back in January and the filmmakers and actors hosted a panel discussion at Comic Con last month. According to some reports, the film had a special nighttime showing on August 12th at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery with some of the cast there including Englund and Matthews. The screening was free and about 300 people bravely showed up. Seeing this movie, surrounded by a plethora of tombstones, is akin to watching JAWS while floating around in the dark ocean at night.

In the same vein as ‘Buffy’ and ‘Army of Darkness,’ I had such a fun time watching this movie. Director Jon Knautz proves a horror film can still be just as scary by simply using more makeup and fake gore and less CGI. With a unique blend of horror and comedy, ‘Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer’ has the makings of a franchise with a faithful cult following. Check out its website here. The movie opens in limited release today, with this she-geek hoping that Jack Brooks finds his way to St. Louis.

[rating: 4.5/5]

Review: ‘Tropic Thunder’

Travis:

Hold onto your pants and put down that extra large soda pop and popcorn because you’re not going to stop laughing long enough to enjoy it. ‘Tropic Thunder’ is one movie that surprised the Hell out of me more than any other so far in 2008. I figured it would be funny, but I had no idea it was going to be this damn good. Surprised only barely touches on my experience, especially when I realized that Ben Stiller co-wrote and directed this film. I’m admittedly not the biggest fan of Stiller’s but after seeing ‘Tropic Thunder’ I am giving him brownie points as a filmmaker over being an actor.

‘Tropic Thunder’ is a comedy, a parody, a farce … all rolled up into one really well-made comedy-action laugh ‘n roll movie. The story is of three big-shot actors who are making a war movie (Tropic Thunder) based on a book of the same title by Sgt. Four Leaf (Nick Nolte), which is supposed to be based on his true-life war story. Nolte is wonderful and makes a priceless Nolte-style addition to this film. Speedman (Ben Stiller), Portney (Jack Black) and Lazarus (Robert Downey, Jr.) are highly successful and pretentious high-dollar Hollywood actors and Damien (Steve Coogan) is the failing rookie director that can’t keep his stars in line. When Four Leaf sees the film going into the toilet, he convinces Damien to chopper the stars out into the heart of the jungle and shoot the film in “the sh**” guerrilla style. What begins as a novel effort to salvage the movie that the studio was about to dump, very quickly turns into a real life battle to survive for the actors.

From the very beginning, ‘Tropic Thunder’ had me busting my gut and that’s a lot of gut to bust. After the “real” trailers we are treated to three “fake” trailers … one for each of the “fake” movie stars. These trailers are worth seeing in and of themselves, parodying not only the characters but also the genres they inhabit. Then, the DreamWorks logo emerges and we enter into the actual movie. ‘Tropic Thunder’ often pays homage to its “serious” predecessors with references to films like ‘Full Metal Jacket’, ‘Apocalypse Now’ and ‘Rambo’. The soundtrack is great also, if you’re into the classic rock tunes of the late 60’s … staples of the Vietnam War sub-genre of movies.

In addition to all of this, Matthew McConaughey shows up with an unannounced role as Speedman’s agent and Tom Cruise of all people nearly steals the show with his unannounced role as the big-shot Hollywood movie mogul Les Grossman. Having dusted off his role as Frank T.J. Mackey and amplified it to the extreme, Cruise delivers what I consider to be his most entertaining performance ever. Robert Downey, Jr. is the actor who gets my attention in this film (next to Cruise) for yet another great performance in his recent streak of comeback movies, proving to audiences that he’s not down for the count. Rounding out the cast are Brandon T. Jackson and Jay Baruchel as the remaining two soldier-actors, Danny McBride plays the explosion-obsessed pyro-technic Cody, and Tobey Maguire and Mickey Rooney make cameo appearances. Perhaps the best comedy of 2008, ‘Tropic Thunder’ is definitely worth your ticket price and more in laughs.

(4 out of 5 stars)

Ram Man:

Ben Stiller’s new film Tropic Thunder is a satirical look at Hollywood and the action film industry. The laughs begin before the film even gets started. Tropic Thunder sets up it’s fictional stars with phony trailers of the latest projects the stars have been working on. Tugg Speedman (Stiller) is in a trailer for “Scorcher 5” while co-stars Kirk Lazarus (Robert Downey Jr.)has one for his Oscar nominated film “Satan’s Alley” with priests as lovers (cameo by Toby Maguire). Jack Black stars as Jeff Portnoy, the fart joke king of the film industry is flagellating the latest installment of his fart family comedy and lastly the trailer/commercial for “Booty Sweat” energy drink from rapper turned actor Alpa Chino (Brandon T. Jackson). This prepares you for the laugh riot you came to see ..Tropic Thunder.

As Tropic Thunder begins you get some behind the scenes interviews. Kirk Lazarus (Downey Jr.) goes through skin pigmentation surgery just to play the role of a black soldier. Lazarus, a consummate professional, never breaks character until the film is in the can. Director Damien Cockburn (Steve Coogan) just five days into shooting is already a month behind schedule and must deal with a self absorbed Tugg Speedman(Stiller). The final nail is driven home in Cockburn’s coffin when a million dollar effect goes off without any cameras rolling. This prompts a call and ass chewing from the head of the studio Lee Grossman, aka Hollywood’s Satan. Grossman provides some of the funniest scenes in the film, and you will never believe who is playing him (no I’m not going to tell you..go see the film!) Sgt. Four Leaf Tayback (Nick Nolte) who lived through the war and wrote the book which the film is based tells Cockburn to take these “pansy-asses out into the shit” and that’s the only way the film is going to be made. After a few drinks they are all on a chopper on their way into the jungles of Vietnam!

The only people that know the location of filming are on that chopper. Speedman, Lazarus, Chino and portnoy are all told the only way back to the camp is on the chopper and it’s not coming back until the movies is done and Cockburn calls for it. Tugg believes that the are on location and every thing is staged ..even after Cockburn steps on a land mine and blows himself to bits. he is determined to finish the film. Things fall into place just like in the script down to the fact that speedman is captured by the enemy only these guys are real drug smugglers. They are ready to kill Speedman until they realize who he is..Tugg Speedman the star of Simple Jack (the only video they have). Now they get Lee grossman to pay a ransom to get Speedman back alive. Grossman says kill him. So it is up to our group of “soldiers” to rescue Speedman.

Tropic Thunder is a riot and should become an instant classic. Move over Sarah Marshall and Step Brothers Tropic Thunder is the comedy of 2008! It’s like they took Apocalypse Now and changed it into a comedy. There are appearances by Matthew MacConaughy as Speedman’s agent Rick Peck, who is all about Tugg (his only client) and making sure he has Tivo on location. Danny McBride is very Funny as Cody the special effects tech. Stiller who penned this screenplay shines and leads his group into comedic glory. Tropic Thunder will change they way you look at Hollywood action films … for the better!

[rating 4.5/5]

Zac:

Ben Stiller returns to the director’s chair to direct this satirical farce on Hollywood and gets pretty great results out of it.

The film opens with a number of faux trailers and commercials for the stars in the film and they are pretty funny, but I won’t spoil those here; but they aren’t quite as good as Grindhouse. We then open on the filming of a major battle scene before focusing on a touching moment between a dying “Foley” and “Sgt. Osiris”. Unfortunately, Tugg Speedman, the actor portraying Foley can’t cry on cue and they miss a big “one time” shot where they napalm the tree line behind all of the drama happening on screen. Cut to Access Hollywood who gives us a background on the film, it is based on a memoir of a man, the real Foley (Nick Nolte), who returned from a top secret suicide mission during the Vietnam War, it stars action superstar Tugg Speedman, comedy mega star Jeff Portnoy, and method award winner Kurt Lazarus. The film is way over budget, is being sloppily handled by a first time director Damien Cockburn (Steve Coogan), and is being over produced by the studio’s mega psychotic producer.

Cockburn, in desperation to get his movie back on track, turns to Foley who suggests they drop the actors in the middle of the Jungle and simulate the battles while shooting guerrilla style in the woods. So Cockburn and Foley, with the assistance of pyro expert of the film Cody, air drop the actors in the Jungle ready to start blowing stuff up around them while they act out their scenes. Unfortunately for the actors, they are spotted by a group of drug dealers who are producing heroin in the jungle and are mistaken for a D.E.A. task force coming in to shut them down; and mis-conception hilarity ensues.

First off, the film is ridiculously silly. It isn’t trying to be high brow or classy, it is trying to be a fun and crazy farce that is still smart at skewering what it is aiming for. The absurdity is on par or higher then Stiller’s Zoolander and knowing that going in helps you to be able to better take the material. The film is also gory, so the faint of heart might want to be prepared for some grotesque violence at times. The film is also a bit all over the place, while remaining fairly coherent, but it does meander occasionally; thankfully to funny antidotes that are worth the detour most of the time.

The acting in the film is excellent as everyone involved perfectly buys in to what they are doing. The weakest turn is by Matthew McConaughey, but he is still funny, and I think the only reason I had any problem with him is because you could tell it was written for Owen Wilson and he would have fit perfectly. Ben Stiller plays the dumb action star bit to a T in Tugg Speedman. Walking into danger with reckless abandoned. Jack Black plays Jeff Portnoy who is a tweaked out addict off his rocker as he is out of drugs in the jungle; Black also gets to spout one of the best monologues in the film. Danny McBride delivers quite a few good one liners and has some great banter with a shell shocked Nick Nolte. Jay Baruchel plays the straight man of the group while also serving as a tool for loss of innocence in the film. Brandon T. Jackson also does an excellent job as the entrepreneur rap star, Alpa Chino, trying to make a name for himself in almost every medium. Nolte also does a decent job as the crazy ex-vet with no hands that is out to get more than he might let on. Robert Downey, Jr. steals the show though as Kirk Lazarus, who after under going a controversial procedure dyeing himself black, stays in character as the 1960’s black man over the course of the whole film. It is an impressive feat, borderline offensive to African American’s, but always funny in the end. Some of the things he says are just so ridiculous I was saying “what?” out loud on a number of occasions. The reason this caricature works though is because the film is so ridiculous that we can accept this parody and just find the humor in the absurdity.

In the end, Tropic Thunder is at times a brilliant farce that has a couple of dropped notes along the way. The movie is filled with far more laughs than the few jokes that fall flat and Downey’s performance is worth the price of admission alone. Yes the film is silly, over the top, and absurd, but if you know that going in there is plenty to enjoy in this picture.

(4 grenades out of 5)

Charles:

Tropic Thunder has to be one of the funniest movies I’ve seen in recent years. I’d really like to think this’ll put Ben Stiller on THE list with all of those Hollywood top dogs that can both direct a movie and star in it as well. To be honest, I haven’t always been a fan of Stiller. But in the past couple of years, he has turned in some really good performances and this time around, I’d say- he’s got an ace in the hole! The film starts out with the BEST fake trailers (since Grindhouse), featuring Tobey Maguire in an unforgettable role. In the beginning of the film, its a spoof on war, and by time the real action hits, its a film within a film, displaying the violence and comedy of war. How could this be, you ask yourself?

Well, watch the film and you’ll see just what I mean. The reason why this is absolutely destined to be a hardcore hit with audiences is because of its outta hand ensemble cast. I mean, WOW! It’s ridiculous. We have of course, Ben Stiller, but then add in Robert Downey Jr, Jack Black, Jay Baruchel, Steve Coogan, Danny McBride and Nick Nolte?! And they all give us some terrific comedic performances. Tom Cruises extended cameo proves to be the best of the year as a studio executive who curses up a storm and hippity-hops to some gangster rap, while Matthew McConaughey plays agent/manager to Ben Stiller, and just shines. Ultimately, Downey steals nearly every single scene as (Kirk Lazerus) the platoon’s very white, African-American squad leader. Thank god somebody like Stiller can deliver a rude, crude and over the top comedy, in the likes of a  genius: Judd Apatow. This bloody movie is a hit and now I can safely bet on Stiller for a truly great time at the theater!

(4 out of 5 stars)

Jeremy:

You’ll know from the start whether or not you are going to like ‘Tropic Thunder’.   Even before the Dreamworks logo pops up, we get four fake ads.   The first ad is a commercial for rapper Alpa Chino’s new energy drink, Booty Sweat.   The following three ads are fake previews for coming attractions starring the three main characters of the film ‘Tropic Thunder’, Tug Speedman (Ben Stiller), Jeff Portnoy (Jack Black), and Kirk Lazarus (Robert Downey, Jr.).   This opening tell you right from the start the direction this film is going.

‘Tropic Thunder’ is a hilarious film, one of the funniest seen in a long time.   Directed, written by and starring Stiller, it is a sardonic look at the way Hollywood films are made, the way actors are treated and treat others, and the way the commercialized world views real acts of violence.

The opening scene of the film follows a massive battle in Viet Nam that plays out with the same amount of anxiety and volume as the opening scene of ‘Saving Private Ryan’.   We soon realize, however, that this is just a movie within a movie.   The soldiers getting their heads and limbs blown off are more worried about their screen time than the actual events they are depicting.

Due to the increasing budget, being behind schedule, and fear for his job on the film, the director decides to take the main actors deep into the jungle, let them loose, and shoot the whole experience reality TV style.   Unfortunately, the ‘controlled’ set falls apart very quickly, as the group stumbles upon a group of heroine dealers.

Stiller wrote the film with actor Justin Theroux and Etan Cohen.   The story in general is nothing new.   ‘The Three Amigos’ hit this premise out of the park over 20 years ago.   The character elements are what really give ‘Tropic Thunder’ its style.   Stiller’s pomposity, Black’s screaming and flailing about, and Downey’s… well, let’s get to that later.   All of the elements seem at first like one punch line jokes that carry on for 100 minutes, but the film is much more than that.

The three leads are the three leads only because of name recognition.   Every character in the film get their fair amount of time to shine.   Nick Nolte, who plays the soldier whom the story is based on, is always brilliant.   Steve Coogan, who plays the film’s director, is funny in his nervousness.   The pyro expert on the film is played by Danny McBride, and, if you thought he was funny in ‘Pineapple Express’, you haven’t seen anything yet.   Brandon T. Jackson, who plays the before mention Alpa Chino, and Jay Baruchel as the group’s youngest member are also great.   The less said about the film’s other secondary characters the better other than these roles are hilarious and the actors who play them are tremendous surprises.   There are reviews that give away who these actors are, but the fact that the advertisements do not is sheer brilliance.

Much has been said about Downey’s role, that of Australian method actor, Kirk Lazarus who undergoes facial structuring and alters his voice in order to play an African American.   This is by far the funniest aspect of the film.   he plays the role with an absolute superiority that seems to channel the spirit of great Blaxploitation stars like Fred Williamson and Richard Roundtree.   The only thing missing is Downey chomping on a half-smoked cigar.   The role’s offensive nature might shoot down any aspirations of Downey getting an Oscar nomination, but he definitely deserves one.

The last half of the film is ridiculous, delving a bit into ‘Hot Shots’ territory at times, though it never hits that level of hilarity seen in the first half.   This is particularly evident in the handling of violence.   During the opening battle and spread throughout a few more scenes, the blood and body parts fly like a 1970’s samurai movie.   The buckets that rain down early on are absent from the film’s final scenes, and that ridiculous aspect could have improved on what is already funny as hell.

‘Tropic Thunder’ is a hilarious movie from beginning to end.   It has been a long time since my jaws have hurt this much from laughter.   It is absolutely the funniest movie of 2008, and there doesn’t seem to be anything on the horizon that looks to push it out of the way before the end of the year.   It is the very definition of the term ‘laugh riot’.

(4 stars out of 5)

Michelle:

When actors take on serious roles in epic movies with high hopes of winning awards….oh wait, that’s exactly what’s being parodied in ‘Tropic Thunder.’ Director Ben Stiller, along with the personalities of Robert Downey Jr., Jack Black, Brandon T. Jackson, Nick Nolte, Danny McBride, Matthew McConaughey, and Tom Cruise (in a dancin’ performance), let the audience in on the joke by making fun of themselves in this narcissistic comedy. Shot last summer in Hawaii, with a $90 million budget, the action film send-up is the most expensive R-rated comedy ever and well worth the price-tag. The mock ads and trailers, with some amusing cameos, are almost as funny as what we saw in ‘Grindhouse.’ ‘Tropic Thunder’ certainly provides some of the best laughs during the waning days of summer, if not the whole year.

(4 stars out of 5)

Review: ‘Beer For My Horses’

Ram Man:

Beer For My Horses is a movie written by Toby Keith and Rodney Carrington adapted from Keith’s hit country tune of the same name.   Just because your song does well doesn’t mean you turn it into a movie. Country music fans will probably want to hang me for ripping on one of their Gods, but I’m not saying anything about the man’s singing..he just can’t act!

Beer For My Horses is the story of two Oklahoma “good ol’ boy’ sheriff’s deputies that spend their days settling town squabbles, chasing women and drinking at the local bar. Remember I did say it came from a country song. Rack (Keith)  and Lonnie (Carrington) always seem to get the short end of the stick from  Sheriff Landry (Tom Skerritt). Landry send the boys and fellow deputy Skunk (Ted Nugent) to stake out a fertilizer factory that has been constantly robbed that past few days. Nugent does one of the best Silent Bob impersonations not speaking until the last 2 minutes of the film. The three end up catching a crew that included Mexican drug lord Tito Garza’s little brother. In an act of retaliation Garza kidnaps Rack’s girlfriend Annie (Claire Forlani) and takes her down to Mexico and demands an exchange Bro for Ho. Rack, Lonnie and Skunk break out the Monster truck for a road trip south of the border. Beer For My horses is a predictable glorified Dukes of Hazzard style TV movie on the big screen. You know Garza isn’t the head bad guy 1/2 way through the film. The  supporting cast of characters featuring Mel Tillis, Mac Davis, Cletis T. Judd and  Willie Nelson  reads like a CMT reunion in Dollywood, Tenn.

Beer For My Horses and Rum for the audience! It’s the only way to get through this 80 minutes of sheer hell. To ask the public for $8-10 dollars for a ticket to this is highway robbery. If you are a Toby Kieth fan or like Rodney Carrington’s stand up routine, and you feel obligated to see this film..wait a couple of days and it will be on the dollar rack at your local video store or the Saturday night movie on CMT. Keith stick to singing and Ford commercials. Rodney stay with the comedy tour and classics like Dear Penis and Fred. Leave the film roles to professionals. My charity only extends so far for For Ted and Rodney I give you a half a star to share.

[rating 1/2 out of 5]

Travis:

Toby Keith has now officially made the leap from country music singer to Hollywood actor. Woo-Hoo! I am SOOO excited… NOT! ‘Beer For My Horses’ is co-written by Toby Keith and he also stars as the main character, a deputy sheriff named Rack who is sort of a cross between Andy Griffith and Harry Callahan. His girlfriend Cammie (Gina Gershon) dumps his butt and then he finds out that his high school fling Annie (Claire Forlani) is back in town and he hooks up with her. Meanwhile, there’s a string of fertilizer thefts in town and the sheriff suspects it’s the work of meth chefs. Not entirely confident of Rack and his crew’s competence, Sheriff Landry (Tom Skerritt) sends Rack and his partners out to bust the culprit red handed. After the stake-out turns into a gun-fight, Rack finds his new-old girlfriend Annie has been kidnapped by a Mexican drug lord and taken to Mexico. Against the sheriff’s orders, Rack road trips down to Mexico to save her, accomodated by some peculiar encounters and goofy antics along the way.

Barney Fife type deputy sidekick Lonnie (Rodney Carrington) and his silent, but deadly deputy Skunk (Ted Nugent) are crucial in saving this movie from total disaster. Toby Keith couldn’t act his way out of a paper bag. Nugent has maybe two lines the entire film, but his character is kind of cool, having been raising on an indian reservation and portraying a sort of crazy Rambo-like personality. Carrington actually pulled some decent laughs out of his performance, especially the scene when he’s in the rest stop bathroom and notices the acoustics. He begins singing an old R&B song (sorry, don’t remember the song name) and the “thugs” in the bathroom join in acapella. Rack and crew wind up in a bizarre make-shift town of traveling circus performers after their truck gets damaged. The scene isn’t bad, but feels out of place as it resembles something out of a David Lynch film than something that belongs in this movie. Of course, there’s lots of music in the movie from Toby Keith, so that’s a bonus if you like his songs (not my cup of tea).

The action in ‘Beer For My Horses’ was second-rate stuff you’d expect to see in a direct-to-DVD b-movie. I was actually surprised by how many stars wound up in the movie, all of whom did fine. Additional appearances came from Willie Nelson and Barry Corbin (Northern Exposure). Overall, the movie had some laughs, but I felt the movie was old hat comedy that’s been done to death and lacked any originality.

(1 out of 5 stars)

Review: ‘Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2’

Travis:

Would you shout BullSh** if you were to read the following entertainment headline:

‘Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2’ shocks as it comes in as close second to ‘The Dark Knight’ in audience anticipation, drawing fans in the hundreds to theaters…

Yeah, me too… Until I arrived at the screening  the other  night in Saint Louis about thirty minutes before it’s showtime, surprised to see a line out the front door and down to the corner of the theater building (that’s pretty far at this theater). It gets better… I walked in to grab my seat and, if I weren’t with press my ass would have been screwed! [Not that I was “looking forward” to see this film.] The house was packed! So, I save my seat and head out to the lobby for some refreshments when I overhear one of the staff doing their best to fend off upset teenage girls and irate middle-aged women, while explaining that the screening was full and they’d not be seeing the film. Keep in mind, this is maybe five minutes after I walked into the theater… the line I spoke of was still outside. I did NOT want to be that staff member.

Yep, I went and saw ‘Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2’ and there’s a little more to this story, but that’s not what you’re here for. You want to know whether it was any good. [sighs] OK, it was just OK. Not “completely” horrible, but not entirely enjoyable either. The film basically plays out like an average episode of sappy TV drama for young people, aka Dawson’s Creek, etc. Now, I know I am fixing to get busted by the fan, uh… fan-girls out there, especially since I never bothered to see the first ‘Sisterhood’ movie. Oh, shucks! Guess what, it could not have, in any way possibly made the sequel any better. The movie follows the four friends… Lena, Carmen, Bridget and Tibby … as they all are now in college (or equivalent) and must deal with living their own lives and not being together. They each go through their own struggles, heartbreaks, emotional disasters, romantic flings and life-changing events, ultimately winding up back together for the better due to the mystical, magical fascinating pair of creatively enhanced blue jeans that somehow fit each of the four girls perfectly… an amazing feat to defy all physics since only two of the girls have similar body types. Ah, details.

Honestly, I found myself scoffing, sighing, huffing and puffing and occasionally yawning throughout most of the one hour and 57 minute running time. Ouch! Aren’t chick flicks required by law to be no more than 90 minutes long? Maybe I’m thinking of something else. The movie did manage to steal a few laughs against my will, mostly as a result of bits of physical comedy. [I’d like those laughs back, please.] As for the acting, and I use that term loosely, only one person in the entire film caught my attention… America Ferrara (plays Carmen) who I knew I remembered from something, that something being a film called ‘Real Women Have Curves’. Otherwise, you can take the rest of the performances and recycle them into something useful, as far as I’m concerned. Here’s a funny bit of trivia… the actor who played Bridget’s father gave an absolutely dead, dry and amateur-at-best performance, coming across cold, empty and completely without any emotion, despite the fact that his few scenes were sort of heavy emotional material. Coincidentally, the actor’s name is Ernie Lively… “lively” he was not.

I am sure that droves of teen-aged fans are going to flock to this movie and love it to death and I’m SOOO sure I’m going to get hate mail, or even death threats, for blasting this movie. To quote Randall from ‘Clerks’ I say “I’m not even supposed to be here today,” but I was and this was my opinion of the film. If you really want to go see ‘Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2’ then go for it, enjoy it if possible and then move on with your lives. Guys, I wouldn’t recommend seeing this one, unless its a make-or-break date deal. Also, I wouldn’t recommend defaulting on your deal to see this with your significant other in exchange for getting to go see ‘The Dark Knight’… it can be hazardous to your health. Besides, I have seen worse movies…

(2 out of 5 stars)

Ram Man:

When I arrived at the theater, I realized what I was in for with “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2”. The line was circling the building. This is a teenage girl’s version “Dark Knight”. Sisterhood 2 has all of the “fab” four returning: Amber Tamblyn, Alexis Bledel, America Ferrera and Blake Lively in their original roles of Tibby, Lena, Carmen and Bridget..the Sisterhood.Lena’s little sister Effe (Lucy Hales) and boyfriends Kostos (Michael Rady) and Leonardo (Brian McBrian) also make a comeback.

Sisterhood 2 picks up with the girls graduating and beginning to pursue their own lives away from New York and those magical pair of Denim jeans that made such a strong bond between them. Tibby (Tamblyn) is enrolled in film school in New York, still trying to figure out her life and her relationship with Leonardo. Lena, the jet setter, spend the film popping in between New York and Greece trying to get over lost love Kostos. Bridget decides to check out Archeology and signs up to spend the Summer in the Middle East at a dig but finds more than she was bargaining for …a Grandma she didn’t know she had. This leaves Carmen, who thought that it was status quo for the summer with the fabulous foursome joined at the hip until they return to college. Wrong. Carmen, who’s family is moving and growing (Mom is having a baby) takes off to Vermont Theater camp with a buddy from Yale and move from the shadows to the front of the stage in the storyu and in the film.

The girls suffer though some personal turmoil and soon begin to realize that not even their super elastic jeans can keep them together. Effie on a strike of vengeance at her sister and the denim fraternity steels the pants and ends up losing them. Lena, taking responsibility for Effie, goes to Greece to find the magical jeans. The rest of the sisterhood soon follows to widen the search and to assist in the rekindling of loves flame between Lena and Kostos. The group then learns that the magic was inside each one of them and not this pair of jeans that kept them together through the years.

This film is a follow-up to the original. To me it the story seemed a little more choppy than the first. I was also amazed at the financial resources of these college students that can jet to Greece at the drop of a dime to look for lost pants. You do need to see the original or have read the books to know who is who and have a clue to what is going on. Ferrara and Tamblyn give good performances in the sequel. Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 is a fine family film and will have young girls all over the country rejoicing once they have seen it. Myself give me a good pair of sweats over magical jeans any day.

(2.5 stars out of 5)

[rating: 2.25/5]

Review: ‘Pineapple Express’

Ram Man:

We already had Harold and Kumar sightseeing around Cuba this year so I thought to myself “Do we need another stoner buddy flick?” I did like Superbad so I gave in and checked out Pineapple Express. Pineapple Express written by and starring Seth Rogen (Superbad,Knocked Up) and James Franco (Spiderman Trilogy) as a couple of stoners that end up in the wrong place at the wrong time caught in between rival factions of organized crime.

Pineapple Express begins with a sort of Homage to the classic Reefer Madness with a flash-back scene (in black and white) from the 50’s where General Brat (James Remar) of the U.S. Army is conducting secret tests on the repercussions of soldiers smoking marijuana. They rule it “ILLEGAL!”

Flash-forward to present day LA. Dale Denton (Seth Rogen), talk radio junkie, is caught in traffic..getting high while serving subpoenas to unsuspecting people at the jobs. Dale decides to replenish his supply on his way to serve his last subpoena. Saul Silver (James Franco) is Dale’s drug dealer. Saul is a stoner with principles: he only deals weed and only does it to keep his granny in the finest of retirement homes. Saul has ambitions of someday becoming a structural engineer..right, take another hit Saul. Saul introduces Dale to the finest marijuana ever grown:Pineapple Express. Th hear Saul describe it “It’s smells like God’s Vagina”. I guess that says it all. Saul also explains to Dale to keep it on the down low because Pineapple Express is exclusive to him. Dale decides to sample the new weed outside the house of his next “victim” who happens to be the city’s most ruthless drug-lord Ted Jones (Gary Cole). This is the wrong place/wrong time part. Dales witness an execution of a rival gang member by Ted’s crooked cop girlfriend Carol (Rosie Perez). Dales dumps his roach of the new weed and sideswipes three cars in his exit that is noticed by everyone in the neighborhood. Ted finds the remnants of the joint and knows whose dope it is. The chase then ensues. Dale and Saul go on the lamb with Ted Jones and his hired thugs(Kevin Corrigan, Craig Robinson) out to erase them while the Chinese Triads are following everyone to avenge the death of their man. Amber Heard (Mandy Lane) and Danny Mc Bride (Heartbreak Kid) give some great supporting performances as Dales high-school girlfriend and Saul’s supplier. All forces finally meet at the very same secret bunker the Army was using in the beginning of the film for the last-blast slobber-knocker fight.

Pineapple Express, while it’s not a laugh riot throughout, is a really good buddy flick. Franco gives a great performance, I almost think he may have actually been stoned during filming. The only thing that i can knock about Pineapple Express is the “Bad Guys”. I felt more threatened by my chihuahua at home than I was from Gary Cole and Rosie Perez. Pineapple Express is a fun ride down the marijuana highway, I guess the only way better to see the movie is to get some of Saul’s special weed and bring the bong to the theater!

(3.75 stars out of 5)

Michelle:

In this zany film from Judd Apatow, life is good for dealer Saul (Franco) and stoner Dale (Rogen) with the newest weed on the block, the Pineapple Express. When Dale witnesses a murder by a crime boss (Cole) and bad cop (Perez), things go from bad to worse when he panics and drops the joint. Then he and Saul are quickly on the run for fear that this rare weed will lead directly back to them.

The Pineapple Express’s train of graphic violence speeds straight through this joke-filled comedy. The filmmakers found the right balance between keeping it light and the main characters bloody, impending doom. There’s more than one scene that funnyman Danny McBride’s, “Red”, steals right out from under Rogen. Directed by David Gordon Green, ‘Pineapple Express’ is more shtick to add to Apatow’s ever growing repertoire.

(4 out of 5 stars)

Travis:

Stoner comedies have a tendency towards the ridiculously stupid end of the comedic spectrum, from the enjoyably stupid ‘Half Baked’ to the awfully stupid ‘Smiley Face’, but ‘Pineapple Express’ is a new kind of stoner comedy… it has a story, action and just enough drama to to take it seriously. Watching the movie, I kind of started to empathize with Dale (Seth Rogen). Dale Denton is a process server, one of those guys who delivers subpoenas ans summons that no one ever wants have pay a visit. He also dates a high school senior (Amanda Heard) and is a recreational pot smoker, one who recreates often… at home, in his car, while driving, in public, at his dealer’s apartment, etc. Saul (James Franco) is Dale’s dealer, perhaps the only person in town stoned on a more regular basis than Dale, and to a far greater extent.

Dale pays Saul a visit to pickup his weed, when Saul offers Dale some of the premo-pot in the world, exclusively available though him and he’s the first to get a hit. Dale instantly falls in love with the chronic called Pineapple Express. Dale visits his next job and decides to light one up before going in, but ends up witnessing a murder while sitting in his car smoking that blunt. In a frantic, red-eyed effort to flee the scene, he causes a commotion, tipping the guilty party off to his presence. Thus, begins the chase in which drug lord Ted Jones (Gary Cole) sends his goons to find the witness. In the process, Saul’s supplier Red (Danny McBride) gets involved and proves awkwardly resilient against the goons’ attempts to physically convince him to cooperate.

‘Pineapple Express’ weaves a wonderfully intricate web of fortune and misfortune, trust and deceit, cleverness and idiocracy, with priceless moments of dialogue and character interaction that will be remembered by fans for years. Dale and Saul, and ultimately Red, form a bond of friendship and loyalty that allows them to survive the many ordeals that they encounter on the run from the bad guys. There are several great “little” moments in the film, one of mine being when Dale takes a flying leap off a second story balcony to attack a thug from behind, Wolverine style. By far, the most outright hilarious scene in the movie is the ending, with Dale, Saul and Red in a diner reminiscing and sealing their friendship. Overall, ‘Pineapple Express’ was not what I had expected… in fact, its better than I had expected and more than just another ridiculous stoner comedy.

(4 out of 5 stars)

Zac:

Seth Rogen and James Franco star in a stoner/buddy/action/comedy that is usually fairly humorous, but drags at the end and maybe over stayed its welcome a bit too long.
Dale (Seth Rogen) is a process server, handing out subpoenas all day while intermittently getting high between stop to stop. Saul (James Franco) is Dale’s dealer of two months who spends his day watching two TV’s and getting high himself. After a recent stop to Saul’s, in which he and Dale had a bit of a bonding experience over his exclusive rights to the very good Pineapple Express weed, Dale is about to serve Ted Jones (Gary Cole) when he witness him murder and Asian man with the assistance of female cop Carol (Rosie Perez). Dale attempts to flee the scene, making a scene himself ramming into the cars around him, tossing his joint out the window and rushing to Saul’s for help. Jones finds the joint and is able to detect that it is Pineapple Express, hence sending his goons to Saul’s to figure out what just happened and to shut up who ever saw him. The odd couple gets bent out of shape on paranoia and flees into the woods as the try and figure out how they can track them with their ridiculous philosophies. The movie carries on from here as a traditional cat and mouse hunt between Jones and his thugs pursuing Saul and Dale, with a smattering or random faces being pulled into the bigger picture as the overall mess grows bigger and bigger over the significance of Dale witnessing the murder.
The film itself is pretty funny over the course of the first 2/3 of the film or so, with a couple of dragging scenes, but nothing that holds the film back. The actors are allowed to create these silly, but real, conversations and we get to kind of just look in on the bonding among these characters. It is when we get to the predictable and clichà ©d comedy “break-up” between the leads that the film starts to drag a bit and almost grinds to a halt during the big finale. The film kind of wants to make fun of conventional turns in a film and action set pieces, but for every convention it lampoons it falls right into another. And the action is silly and funny at moments, but also seems like they were trying to make it really cool other times. The director David Gordon Green and scripter’s Rogen and Evan Goldberg just seem to not be able to really settle on what they want the film to be or find a good balance; the action is pretty much mediocre most of the time outside a couple of good explosions here or there. The film overall is a bold attempt to mix a lot of genre’s and it kind of works, kind of doesn’t, but it is definitely not terrible by any means; and many times it is pretty good.
Luckily, any confusion in what the filmmakers were going for is made up for by the solid actors work in the film. Seth Rogen isn’t playing anything terribly new but we aren’t tired of his shtick yet so he continues to easily entertain. I think he is continuously funny because he doesn’t play dumb, even though he might do dumb things; he also spouts some of the best improv lines one could imagine as well. Gary Cole plays a decent bad guy, selling us on the ridiculousness of the coincidences and convoluted plot that come up, with Rosie Perez being pretty much a non-factor in the film. Bill Hader hasn’t an excellent and hilarious cameo to open the film, and no you aren’t in the wrong theater when it opens. Danny McBride continues to show up in almost every movie and he is pretty funny as the flip flopping drug middle man for Saul, Red. He has a number of good one liners, and the fight in his house is funny and memorable. Craig Robinson also crafts a unique and odd character as one of Jones’ thugs and you really don’t know what is going to come out of his mouth or what he might do next. His partner in the film played by Kevin Corrigan is a weird anomaly though as I don’t really get what he was supposed to be or why Robinson’s character is reasonably mad at him sometimes, odd. Amber Heard also has a couple of brief appearances as Dale’s girlfriend and she is consistently funny whenever she is on screen.
The stand out though is James Franco and he is worth the price of admission alone to see this film. He is just so out there, and nails that stoner/dealer role to a T, that it is just a joy to watch. Almost everything he says is funny and the film will be worth watching again just to get down some of his one liners you might have missed. Great work Franco.
In the end, Pineapple Express is a fun and silly stoner comedy that has some ok action. Go for the comedy and you will be happy as Franco really shines and the movie is never really dull in that department. The end of the film drags on and on for way to long with nothing really happening and could have been a lot better had they trimmed things up through out. I think Pineapple will grow on subsequent viewings like any good comedy should, but I can’t say I am not a little disappointed as they have seem to have squandered a potentially great premise and got mixed results in the end. Pineapple Express is a good film, with a great turn by James Franco.

(3 pineapples out of 5)

  

Charles:

Freaks, Seth Rogen and James Franco, worked together earlier in their career on Judd Apatows “Freaks and Geeks”, and garnered much critical acclaim as well as a devoted cult following. This launched the careers of Franco and Rogen to stardom and now here they are to present us with this kind nug, “Pineapple Express”. Yeah, that’s what I’m talkin’ about! Last year, when I heard about this film, I googled Seth Rogen to find out about all his upcoming projects in development. After discovering the plot and story of this movie, as sober as I was, I pretty much tipped nearly out of my chair. But I caught myself, so don’t worry. Ok… so, we’ve seen countless stoner buddie flicks from the classic Cheech and Chong to the current Harold and Kumar, but these talented writers, Seth Rogen and (best friend) Evan Goldberg, really got us high on this hit. I mean, its some really good stuff. Check it out dude. I’m buying it when it comes out and keepin’ it in my stash.This stoner comedy starts very quickly, never stopping throughout the whole film with the comedy and suspense. I saw this movie multiple times so I could truly understand all the jokes and catch everything that was going on. The acting in this movie is excellent from these comedic buds. Rogen, in my mind, is one of the funniest cats in this business, and was just hilarious as always but even better in this movie. To my surprise though, was a great performance by James Franco as Saul. He was the big standout in this movie, as Dales (Seth Rogen) herb resource, and was extremely believable as a druggie/dealer. It was kinda scary actually just how good he was. Besides this movie just being a comedy, the action actually kicks into ‘high’ gear throughout the movie, making for a tremendously enjoyable experience.For you smokers- roll your joints, pack your bongs, grab your munchies and cruise by for a sweeeet supply of Pineapple Express! For everyone else interested in a rude, crude comedy along the lines of ‘Knocked Up’ and ‘Superbad’, stop in and put this in your pipe and smoke it, maaaaan.

(5/5 stars)

[rating: 4/5]

Review: ‘The Mummy, Tomb of the Dragon Emperor’

Travis:

Please, make it stop! Maybe its me, but the onslaught of sequels is really starting to cause me physical pain. I liked the first ‘Mummy’ and even enjoyed the second ‘Mummy’ but the third is just taking it too far, not to mention its probably one of the ten worst movies I’ve seen all year. The entire film felt like the writer was struggling to come up with ideas for a third installment, and that’s just the beginning of what’s wrong with this movie.

Brendan Frasier returns as the adventure-seeking archaeologist Rick O’Connell, this time retired and living life with his wife Evelyn (Maria Bello) who has made a small fortune from her two books, ‘The Mummy’ and ‘The Mummy Returns’. The couple pretends to be happy and settled down into their wealthy home life, but really they crave the excitement of their past adventures. As it turns out, their son Alex (Luke Ford) has taken to his father’s whims as an archaeologist prone to risky adventures. However, mummy and daddy think he’s still in college while he’s actually in China excavating the tomb of the mythic Dragon Emperor. Rick and Evelyn are contacted by a man to take on one last mission, they accept and when they arrive in China they discover what Alex has really been up to. Alas, the mission was a setup and now the family O’Connell must fight to survive while also keeping the now resurrected, but still cursed, Dragon Emperor (Jet Li) from reaching Shangri-La and taking a swim in the Pool of Eternal Life. If they can’t stop him, he will raise his army of indestructible soldiers and conquer the world.

If this plot breakdown sounds exciting to you, please reconsider. This movie is anything but exciting. A large portion of the film is actually painfully boring. The dialogue is atrocious, laden with one-liner quips and cliche’ puns and tongue-in-cheek humor that fails miserably. Frasier bombs at both the comedic aspects of his performance as well as the “attempts” at some serious father-son bonding scenes intended to invoke empathy. Worse yet, the romance story line between Rick and Evelyn is overdone, yet horribly under-achieved. Speaking of which, Maria Bello’s unforgivably BAD (fake) English accent just stands right up in front of everything else in the movie and says “look at me” like a massive red zit that makes an appearance right before a major event. Oh, but fear not… we get two love stories for the price of one. Alex develops an incredibly fast and unrealistically easy romance with Li (Isabella Leong) who happens to be the immortal daughter of Zi Juan (Michelle Yeoh), the immortal witch who was killed by the Dragon Emperor for betraying his love for her.

For a movie being marketed as a big-budget action adventure film, there is surprisingly less action and adventure than I had expected and of far less quality than the first two films, but is replaced with far more cheesy melodrama and poorly executed humor than any one person should ever be forced to endure. The one and only saving grace in ‘The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor’ is that the Yeti special effects were really pretty cool. Unfortunately, even an army of CGI yeti’s doesn’t stand a chance in saving this nuclear-class box office bomb from failing completely.

(1 out of 5 stars)

Charles:

I recently saw the new Mummy film (this past week) and honestly it was not as exciting as the first film which was released about a decade ago. Of course, I had no real expectations since the creators of the series, seemingly, have not been able to come up with any new ideas except for digging up an evil mummy. I really liked the first Mummy. The Second Mummy was a little too crummy and this movie was beyond stupid. The story has not changed much and is dry. Typical Mummy rises story. Mummy wants to rule the world. Good guys go on an adventure to stop Mummy. Oh boy, do these movies have to end now! This has to be one of the worst films of the summer,Who am I kidding?? It might be the worst movie of the year, and to think that the fans were waiting this long for the film. It disappoints the hell out of me. Meet Dave was really bad, but this sank the ship. I’d rather sit through another showing of Meet Dave than watch this junk. You hear me? What has Rob Cohen been doing for the last couple of years?…FAILING AS A DIRECTOR!

Maria Bello, who I personally love from certain films like “A History of Violence” and “The Cooler”, is atrocious as the new wife of Rick O’Connell (Brendan Fraser). O’Connells son Alex (Luke Ford) is forced to say corny lines that would only be appealing to kids. Don’t go to this movie thinking you are going to see ANY fine acting because the acting we’re obliged to sit through is so cheesy that you will laugh. I can’t even say how horrible Brendan Fraser’s lines are. By the way, Maria Bello’s English accent also has to be the worst in the entire history of cinema. If you’re looking for something other than the great Dark Knight this summer then this may have some alright special effects you might like but still you should pay NO money to see this… so just wait for it on cable, please.

(1 star out of 5)

Ram Man:

Brendan Fraser is just back from his trip to the center of the earth, now he’s fighting Mummies again. Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor has The O’Connell family: Rick (Fraser), Evelyn (Maria Bello replaces Rachel Weisz) and their son Alex (introducing Luke Ford) doing what they do best..tomb raiding and unearthing evil mummies! This time Jet Li plays Han The Dragon Emperor.

The Mummy:Tomb of the Dragon Emperor begins with the tale of Han China’s most powerful emperor who vanquished all enemies and had only  to beat death itself. He is double-crossed by a scorned sorceress who puts a spell on him that  forces  Han and his army of 10,000 warriors  to live in suspended animation as a clay statues. After the emperor and his troops are clay-mated the tomb is sealed so that the Dragon Emperor may never rise again.

I guess they never counted on the O’Connells. The archaeologist family that prides themselves on artifacts and un-earthing mummies. Alex O’Connell, college drop out is secretly carrying on the family business in Shang-Hi, searches for the tomb of the Dragon Emperor. Alex’s parents Rick and Evelyn are tolerating a life in retirement longing for one last adventure. The Royal family requests that the O’Connells safely deliver the Shangri-La Diamond back to Shag-Hi as an act of good faith between the nations. Rick and Evelyn jump at the chance and are off to an unexpected family reunion in China. As in the previous two installments, the whole thing is a set up to get the diamond to the emperor and bring him back to life. The emperor not only must posses the diamond he must take it high in the Himalayan mountains to Shangri-La and drink from the pool of eternal life to break the curse and live forever.   This begins the chase through the Himalayan   mountains to the huge slobber-knocker battle at the end of the film. One of the few highlights of the film happen when the Yettie (giant abominable snowmen)  battle the Chinese Army in the Himalayas and brush them aside like gorillas with rag dolls.

Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor is somewhat entertaining but has too many Dr. Phil moments and not enough Human vs. Mummy action.  Ã‚  When Rachael Weisz   declined to appear in this Mummy film, Universal should have sent Evelyn on a book tour and made it a father/son Mummy adventure. But..no they cast Maria Bello and  her concocted  faux British accent that was like nails on a chalkboard…and she has a lot of dialogue in this one. Kids will like the Mummy, but for most it will fall short and having you wishing Brendan Fraser had stayed in the center of the Earth.

(2.5 stars out of 5)

Scott:

Let me first say that I really liked the first two ‘Mummy’ movies. I was really excited to see this one, but from the begining of the movie I was let down.   The action sequences are boring, and not original at all. I had to fight myself from falling asleep in between the cheesy dialog, and lame attempts to be funny. The movie tried to be smart, and witty but it came up short everytime. There were really no saving graces for ‘The Mummy 3’ other than there was a little more Sci Fi in this one that previously..but do yourself a favor and skip this one.

[rating: 1.75/5]

Review: ‘The X-Files, I Want to Believe’

Ram Man:

It has been 6 years since Chris carter’s hit show “The X Files has been on television. So he chose now to see if there is still an audience out there by  debuting  his new film “X-Files: I Want To Believe”. Carter reunites David Duchovney and Gillian Anderson as former FBI agents Scully and Mulder and tell the story of what happened after they were run out of Washington D.C. There are some new faces with Amanda Peet and Rap star X-Zibit (fitting actor for X-Files) as FBI agents in need of a paranormal expert to assist in a current investigation.

We start out in the mountains of West Virgina, where a FBI agent is abducted. The bureau enlist a convicted pedophile Father Joseph Crissman, who happens to be a psychic, to help find their agent. Lead investigators Drummy (XZibit) and Whitney (Peet) believe Father Joe has hit a wall and seek out the assistance of The FBI’s authority on the paranormal Fox Mulder. Working through his live in girlfriend Dr. Dana Scully they manage to track down Fox who had fallen of the bureau’s radar. They work out a deal to forgive his past if he will help with this case. Mulder begrudgingly agrees and the team is back…or at least thats what we thought. Scully informs Mulder that she is a doctor and has left the life behind her. X-Files normally turns  in a paranormal twist on crime, but “I Want To Believe” turns out to be a simple serial abduction case. These Russians (isn’t it always the Russians) experts in stem cell surgery Janke Dacyshyn  has been  abducting people and harvesting thier  bodies  to keep his lover Franz Tomczeszyn  alive. Unlike the hit TV show there are no twists and you know who did what and why half way through this film.

I went to the “X-Files: I Want To Believe” wanting To Believe it was going to be an enjoyable blast from the past, but instead, X-Files closed up shop when Mulder and Scully were kick out and this ranks like a long last season below average episode from the TV series. This movie lacks some familiar faces that would have transitioned it into a fine feature. Mitch Peliggi shows up at the end of the film as Asst. Director Skinner (to the only crowd response in the film), why not have him show up  earlier in the film to renew his relationship with Sculley and Mulder. I was a big X-Files fan, and for me, there was a notable absence of the trio of trouble, the Lone Gunmen. These small changes and a little better writing could have put a entirely different spin on this franchises attempted comeback. X-Files: I Want To Believe …I Believe Duchovney is heading back to Californication and Anderson will slip back into obscurity. X-Files   are simply put:  CASE CLOSED!

(1.5 out of 5 stars)

Travis:

I’m going to come right out and say it … ‘X-Files 2’ was one of, if not the biggest let down of the year for me. Seriously though, I was realistic enough going into the screening to know that it wasn’t going to be great, but it failed at even being acceptable. I was never what you’d call an ‘X-Files’ fanboy, but I did really enjoy the TV series and watched regularly. I still think its one of the best shows that’s seen the light of picture tubes in the last 20 years. With that said, I also firmly believe the ‘X-Files’ should never have hit the big screen to begin with. The first movie was better than its follow-up, but it was a far cry from being worth the risk as well.

‘X-Files: I Want to Believe’ failed tremendously in making me believe, and while I wanted to believe it could revive Chris Carter’s creation, I now feel once more like I’ve been forsaken. This movie is less of a sequel than it is another feature-length episode of the TV series. An episode that is long and not very entertaining, ranking somewhere between poor and mediocre on a scale of favorite episodes. David Duchovny is certainly still Fox Mulder, but the time he’s spent away from the show that lifted him out of ‘Red Shoe Diaries’ and into mainstream success has taken its tole on his ability to connect with the character. Gillian Anderson also returns as Dr. Dana Scully, who now practices medicine in a small, church-run hospital. Ironic indeed, for the habitually persistent non-believer. Neither Mulder or Scully work for the FBI in this film, both of whom seem to have swapped ideologies slightly, when the FBI calls on Scully to bring Mulder out of hiding to help find a missing agent. Apparently, the backstory to be filled in suggests the FBI framed Mulder who is now a fugitive… oh yeah, and apparently sometime between this movie and the last, Mulder and Scully had quite a thing going on, or so the extrapolated dialogue would indicate.

I will say I managed to stay awake through the entire film, but there were a couple of rough points. Some of the movie was engaging and Mulder was humorously sarcastic as always, but much of the film felt old hat, repetitive of elements already done to death and a completely unsatisfying romance subplot between the former partners that barely gets off the ground and then goes nowhere, except in the general direction of a truly lousy, uncharacteristic ending. By the way, no aliens or creepy unexplained creatures or phenomena here … just a few missing persons, a dying boy, a psychic “priest” and a couple of freaky Russians who were mistaken and thought they were in ‘Brokeback Mountain’. The “truth is out there” element is extremely weak in this film and the anticlimactic climax to the unsuspenseful suspense is, well… you get the point. On a positive note, the “priest” was played well by Billy Connelly (Boondock Saints), a Scottish actor whom I enjoy but unfortunately see very little of anymore.

(2 out of 5 stars)

Michelle:

I wanted to believe that 20thCentury Fox set out to make a serious, paranormal sequel, however the incoherent  mess they ended up with was just a 2 part episode to the popular t.v. show. And man, did I want to change the channel. The film begins with Mulder and Fox, no longer F.B.I. agents, quickly brought back into the fold  to help  solve  the disappearance of an fellow agent.  I couldn’t help but notice that from then on, the story  takes  unadulterated pot shots at Catholicism…Fox’s only clue to the missing FBI agent is a “psychic,” defrocked, pedophile priest (Billy Connelly), Scully, now a doctor  working at a Catholic hospital, is at odds with its director, an unsympathetic Catholic priest, who wants nothing to do with Scully using, of course, stem cell therapy to save her dying patient. To top it off, the surgery is overlooked by 3, frowning nuns.  By that time, I was  confused  why director and creator Chris Carter had us playing connect-the-dots…are we watching a  love story? a serial-killer story? a supernatural thriller?…good God man, make up your mind! With the addition of two forgettable agents played by Xzibit and Amanda Peet, die-hard fans will appreciate the brief scene with Mitch Pileggi’s Assistant Director Walter Skinner. While  I have no doubt that loyal X-Philes fans, as they’re known,  will be drooling over the sequel, the plain out bizarreness rates a 10 on the sphincter scale.

(1 out of 5 stars)

[rating: 1.5/5]