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THE LOFT – The Review

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THE LOFT is a crazy, adultery filled whodunit film filled with twists and turns. Think CLUE… but take out the humor and add in the worst men that you can imagine!

Vincent (Karl Urban)! Plays a womanizing ring leader who convinces his group of friends to go in on a loft with him so that they all have a “safe place” away from their wives. Now, when I say “safe place”, I mean a place where they can commit adultery, shove cocaine up their noses, or just get downright crazy without leaving a pesky paper trail. Things go awry when the men return one day to find a dead woman in the bed. The five friends now find themselves in the middle of a tangled web of lies, and have to figure out what happened before the police unveil all of their secrets hidden within the walls of their secret loft.

The first flaw, in my opinion, is the fact that they buy a ridiculously expensive loft to avoid a paper trail, such as hotel bills on their monthly statements. Don’t you think their wives would question why thousands of dollars went missing out of their bank accounts? Just a thought… The acting in this film is on point though. Karl Urban, James Marden, Wentworth Miller and Matthias Schoenaerts all play guys who seem to be complete opposites that are somehow tied together through friendship.

The real surprise is Eric Stonestreet, who plays Marty. We’re all familiar with his role of Cam on ‘Modern Family’, but this is nothing like that. Stonestreet plays a lying, sex-crazed, crass pig that can only think about sex. It’s great to see his range as an actor, and this was a great role for him to show audiences another side.

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Despite great acting, the plot of this film is incredibly dodgy. Not only is there the silly idea that five men can get away with spending thousands for a secret loft without their wives knowing, there is the idea that five men can keep this giant secret, as well as the woman that they bring back to their sex lair. As the story unfolds, more and more women are being brought back to their sleazy dwelling, only to leave feeling hurt or betrayed. The most unbelievable one is a woman who was raped and beaten by Phillip (Matthias Schoenaerts). Although she was a prostitute, she kept screaming for Vincent and Chris (Urban and Marsden) to call the police when they walked in and found her handcuffed to the bed. Rather than do the right thing, the men give her a few twenties and send her on her crying, beaten way. Here is my problem with the scene… A woman screaming for police is not going to take a handful of twenties and call it a day! She’s going to leave and call the police on her own! Instead, the audience is just supposed to assume that the problem was handled. That’s it. We’re all just supposed to go along with whatever they say. For a murder mystery / thriller, audiences are expected to look past the holes in the plot and place their brains on autopilot. Sorry, it doesn’t work like that.

Although the cast is more than appealing, THE LOFT is a drafty screenplay with too many holes to ignore. Don’t expect a think piece!

Overall Rating : 2 out of 5 stars

THE LOFT is in theaters today, January 30


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Nerdy, snarky horror lover with a campy undertone. Goonies never say die.

1 Comment

  1. Peter

    January 30, 2015 at 11:17 am

    In the Belgian version, Vincent was an architect who sold all appartments in the building except the one he owns. His friends get a key for free. Solved that plot hole for you ;) Prostitutes often don’t go to the police, for obvious reasons.

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