GODS OF EGYPT – The Review

GODS OF EGYPT is the kind of film that looks like it started out with blockbuster ambitions. With a big name cast that features “Game of Thrones” star Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Gerard Butler (“300”), Chadwick Boseman (“42”) and Geoffrey Rush, plus pretty Elodie Yung, and some very expensive-looking visual effects, GODS OF EGYPT seeks to draw on Egyptian mythology to create an action/adventure epic. Unfortunately, this plodding, overweight snoozer never gets off the ground, due to a remarkably dull, confusing script that mixes a little “Thief of Baghdad,” a classic hero plot-line and bits and pieces of Egyptian myth with some remarkably bad dialog, into a hot mess that is more Gordian knot than classic epic.

Director Alex Proyas has created a silly, overblown would-be epic that might stand as an example of bad film-making – or at least boring film-making.  Brenton Thwaites plays Bek, a “Thief of Baghdad” type character, who finds himself on a quest with the god Horus (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau), who has been deposed on the verge of being crowned king of Egypt by his jealous uncle, the god Set (Gerard Butler). In this Egypt, there are no pharaohs and the gods themselves rule and live among mortals, one of several strange things in this movie fantasy universe. Other Egyptian deities join in this would-be saga of a royal coup, such as Thoth (Chadwick Boseman), Hathor (Elodie Yung) and Ra (Geoffrey Rush).

Confused? Not how you remember Egyptian history or myth? Sometimes,  this kind of pseudo-historical epic can be saved by clever, funny dialog and charismatic characters. Sadly, neither comes to the rescue here. Despite some good actors in the cast (Geoffrey Rush, for heaven’s sake), they mostly overact under Proyas’ direction, mouthing the script’s nonsensical dialog. But mostly the script is to blame. Although GODS OF EGYPT has more actual Egyptian legend than one expects, it is mashed-up with so much other stuff in a goofy quest tale that even an expert in Egyptian myths would have trouble sorting it out.

The dazzling, golden special effects are sure to lure a few viewers, and the hero tale story seems a perfect draw for preteens, the audience most likely to enjoy this movie. But the movie’s confusing mix of Egyptian gods and myth, rambling plot and lack of effective comic relief might lose even those few.

This film is not one of those “so bad it’s good” movies. No, it is just bad. Rather than laughing at it, one is more likely to nod off, except it is too noisy to do that. This is the kind of movie that makes one want to just leave after about five minutes.

There is nothing to redeem this one, not even the lavish visual effects. Be warned: GODS OF EGYPT is likely to strike you down, with overwhelming boredom, an urge to cringe and a profound regret at spending actual money to see this big-budget turkey.

GODS OF EGYPT Opens Friday, February 26 everywhere

OVERALL RATING:  1 OUT OF 5 STARS