RARE EXPORTS: A CHRISTMAS TALE – The DVD Review

Review by Sam Moffitt

I really wanted to review a movie for the holidays but realized there is not much more to be said about the classic Christmas films. What could I possible add to the words already written about Miracle on 34th St or A Christmas Carol (any version) or Christmas Story or It’s a Wonderful Life?
And then I heard about and got Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale and I am so happy to report that here is a totally original, wonderful, funny and finally enchanting, Christmas movie that was released in 2010.

First a little background, made in Finland and shown at festivals all over the world, Rare Exports is actually based on Finnish legends of Father Christmas, and he was not what you would think, and Rare Exports is in a category all its own when it comes to holiday spirit.

Having seen some of Aki Kaurismaki’s films, the most well known of Finland’s film makers, I assumed that a dead pan sense of humor was Kaurismaki’s own style. Leningrad Cowboys Go America and Man Without a Past (both wonderful movies by the way) display that dead pan style, and now I can see that dead pan humor appears to be a part of Finnish culture.

Rare Exports tells the tale of Pietari Kontio played by Onni Tomilla and his widowed Father, Rauno (apparently played by his real life father Jorma Tomilla) and their adventures on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day in their tiny village that sits right next to the Russian border. Pietari and his friend cut through the fence separating the two countries to observe an American drilling crew who has arrived in secret (don’t American’s always have something to hide?) to bore a hole into a huge mountain that is actually a burial mound.

Shortly after the drilling starts children start to disappear and weird voodoo looking dolls are left in their place. The reindeer herd upon which the village depends has almost all been slaughtered, and eaten, by what appears to be humans, barefoot humans!

Far from looking forward to Christmas young Pietari starts to dread the arrival of Father Christmas. He takes to wearing his hockey helmet all the time and carrying, in what has to be a nod to Bob Clark’s A Christmas Story, a gun slung over his shoulder Army style. Unlike Ralphey, Pietari’s weapon is real. He packs what appears to be a 12 gauge shotgun through most of the movie and seems to know how to use it. No Daisy BB gun for this kid!

And I have to say that in the critical part of Pietari, Onni Tomilla is perfect, he seems like a real kid, saying and doing the things that real kids would. This is not a typical child actor, by no means.

Pietari does some research and finds that Finland’s version of Santa Claus was more of a monster, a mountain troll who not only punishes naughty children but cooks and eats them! Yikes! Better be good indeed!

Other strange things start happening, all the heat radiators in the village disappear, the closer it gets to Christmas more children disappear until only Pietari is left. One thing really odd about the village where the story takes place, there appears to be no women. There is not one woman in this entire movie and no one remarks about it. Pietari’s Father is widowed and that is the only comment about women in the entire film.

Pietari’s Father and a couple of his friends manage to capture what they think is Santa Claus, a long, tall, bearded and feral looking old man who cannot be killed, no matter what type of mayhem is visited upon his person. The American in charge of the crew who dug the hole in the mountain advises them they have captured not Santa Claus but one of his elves, and that he is highly dangerous, and that there are more of them lurking around in the woods! These are not the pretty, magical elves of Peter Jackson’s Ring trilogy; these guys are more like mountain trolls, twisted, dirty, cunning and capable of all things evil. These are not toy makers’ kids!

Wait, it gets better, the whole plan is to thaw out the big guy himself and to do something awful with all the children who have been collected. As usual I don’t like to give out spoilers but I will say that not only is there a happy ending, Rare Exports manages to come up with lots of real holiday cheer, despite the bizarre (to an American audience) premise of Santa and his elves being monsters.

And lest we forget, this is a totally different film from the killer Santa movies that came out in the 80s. Making Santa a serial killer as in Silent Night, Deadly Night or Christmas Evil is a whole different concept than making him and his elves malevolent, supernatural creatures.

We never do get a good look at the “real” Santa Claus but I will also say that one of the best jokes in the movie, the punch line to the whole project really, is the explanation of the title, “Rare Exports”. I won’t give that away either, you’ll just have to see it, very funny!

Rare Exports is a rare pleasure indeed, a totally unique look at Christmas. In fact one theme running through Rare Exports is that Christmas itself has become something of a monster, devouring all in its path and steam rolling over the whole world every 12th month. Rare exports is also an uncredited remake of The Thing, once the ice melts all manner of mayhem and carnage is unleashed!

Rare Exports is one of the smartest, funniest and most well thought out films I have seen in quite a while and it is perfect for the holidays. Some other websites that have reviewed this film state that it is not for children’s viewing! Nonsense! Rare Exports, among other things, is a very canny updating of the type of fairy tales told by The Brothers Grimm, it is perfect for children! Snuggle up with your kids on Christmas Eve and enjoy! If this movie doesn’t make them behave nothing will!

Oscilloscopes dvd is beautifully transferred and loaded with extras. The film is beautifully shot on high definition video, in real snow and freezing temperatures. There is a making of documentary, in Finnish, that includes the cast and crew appearing at film festivals, short films that led to the creation of the feature, (very funny and disturbing in their own right), trailers, artwork and special effects demonstrations. The movie has quite a lot of English dialog but is mostly in Finnish with subtitles.

In the making of documentary we learn that the tall skinny guys playing the elves were really running around in the Finnish winter with no clothes on except flesh colored jock straps. Wow! I honestly had thought CGI supplied the elves, nope, real men got really cold filming these scenes, maybe they had a Finnish sauna to retreat to between scenes?

So if you want something new for a holiday movie, Rare Exports has got it all, family togetherness, male bonding, monstrous elves, reindeer, drifting snow, stale gingerbread it’s all there and Father Christmas too!

And I want to wish Happy Christmas to all our readers and fellow movie geeks. Christmas Day I’ll have the red suit and beard on myself and will be spreading Christmas Cheer everywhere I go, but no carnage and mayhem, I promise!