SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN – The Review

So, here we go again, the classic Grimm’s fairy tale take two. Earlier this year we saw the release of MIRROR, MIRROR, a farcical adaptation of the Snow White story starring Lily Collins as the heroine and Julia Roberts as a very campy, oh-so-wicked stepmother queen. Well with this version, SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN, all of the forced whimsy and slapstick is jettisoned in favor of dark, dark horror elements and much sword and axe welding mayhem. This is almost ” Snow White the Barbarian “. But is this the approach to make this centuries old bedtime story fresh and involving for modern-day movie audiences?

Now this can’t be a straight retelling of the Grimm tale or the Disney animated classic, of course. The film makers feel compelled to put their own spin on Snow and the gang. This version begins where many tellings do not. We meet our heroine’s mother. After a brief scene of mother and child, Mom’s out of the picture. After a brief grieving period the widower father King leads his army against an invading force. After defeating them, the King discovers a prisoner shackled inside an enemy coach. It is the bewitching blonde beauty Ravenna ( Charlize Theron ). After returning to the castle, she and the King fall in love. Soon they wed, but the honeymoon proves fatal for the King, and the Queen’s forces quickly take over the kingdom asyoung Snow is locked away in a tower. The years pass and she becomes a lovely young woman ( Kristen Stewart ), perhaps the fairest in the land. Snow eventually escapes and makes her way to the ominous dark forest. The Queen’s forces cannot find her and so they enlist the services of the Huntsman ( Chris Hemsworth ), who’s familiar with those nasty woods before. He’s been drowning his sorrows after the death of his wife  and is reluctant to take on the mission until the Queen assures him that she will use her magics to bring his bride back from the great beyond. Once he finds Snow, will he give her to the Queen or will they unite to free the kingdom from Ravenna’s evil spell. Really, you’re wondering?

Mirror, mirror on the wall. Why is this film NOT the fairest of them all ? Well, the main problem seems to be in the script and in the direction by first time feature film maker Rupert Sanders. He seems to have a problem with the big battle sequences ( as do many screen veterans ). Switching abruptly to slow-motion just doesn’t help the film flow. And the script itself certainly does not flow. Too much time is spent in the dark forest ( perhaps so the CGI artists can strut their stuff in showing the nightmare hallucinations caused by the woods’ toxic fumes ), and a stay in a riverside town only populated by women adds to the interminably long running time. The dwarvesdon’t show up til an hour has passed. At least they’re played by several familiar faces. But these mini-warriors are almost interchangeable-grungy, scruffy, scrappy dudes. Old pro Bob Hoskins is their quiet ( maybe blind ) leader while the rest of the gang ( including Ian McShane, Ray Winstone, Toby Jones, and Nick Frost ) bicker between battles. Speaking of the cast, they really struggle with this unwieldy script. Hemsworth’s Huntsman seems to be a  vulnerable variation on his Thunder God ( his trusty battle-axe functions almost as his enchanted hammer ). I was a big fan of last year’s YOUNG ADULT, so I was hopeful that Theron could bring some of that snarky spirit to wicked Queen. While Roberts was a new drag icon, Theron is too somber, even though some scenes she seemed to be channeling the late, great Ingrid Pitt in the Hammer classic COUNTESS DRACULA ( gots to get my youthful beauty somewhere, somehow). She takes milk baths, rising from the tub like a carved, ivory statue, and knoshes on bird hearts like a Park Avenue matron tearing into a Whitman sampler ( Hmmm, lotsa’ dead birds in this flick ). Her line deliveries seem to be all over the map. In early scenes she has a quiet monotone to convey the banality of her evil. Later she’s all popping veins and flaring nostrils as she chews out brother Finn ( you’re not doing Shakespeare-in-the-Park, it’s a film so take it down a few notches ). Speaking of Finn, the pervy, pale dude ( really guys, the old Albino-like villain, again? ) quickly becomes tiresome. His fighting superiority over the Huntsman seems highly unlikely. The biggest casting problem ( and I know she gets dumped on for her other films a lot ) is Stewart as Snow White. She’s not as passive as Ms. Swan, luckily, but seems limited to a few expressions and speech patterns ( and she’s brushing back her dark mane again! ). There’s almost no rapport with her leading men and a scene of her rallying the troops to battle is almost laughable. By this time the snail’s pace of the film has destroyed any momentum this and the final fight scenes try to deliver.

So what works? Is there any magic in this retelling? Well, the costume design is pretty great especially in the Queen’s gowns some of which include avian skeletons ( again with the dead birds ). Many of the creature effects are well done. An attacking troll in the dark forest is the stuff of nightmares although the brief scene involving it doesn’t really go anywhere. At the other end of the spectrum, the fairies and sprites in the enchanted forest are indeed enchanting ( they too don’t get enough screen time ). What really impressed me were the dwarves themselves. While MIRROR, MIRROR used real ” little people ” actors, here they used digital sorcery to transform these average sized performers. It’s startlingly seamless. Hopefully there will be a bonus featurette on the DVD explaining how it was achieved. If only that same effort had been put into the plodding script and lackluster direction. Snow may be the ” fairest of them all ” in the realm of literature and animation, but she’s yet to find the live-action feature film version that lets her truly live ” happily ever after “. This Grimm tale’s just too grim,

Overall Rating: 1.5 out of 5 Stars