New ‘Conan’ Movie To Shower You With Blood In 2009

So bear with me on this. There was supposed to be a new Conan movie awhile ago, with the original Conan The Barbarian writer/director John Milius taking the reigns once again. He had a script called King Conan : Crown of Iron Helm that all the Conan fans were psyched about, and it was supposed to have feuding kingdoms and Conan and his son and all kinds of theoretically epic battles. But that didn’t happen. Then there was talk that Robert Rodriguez was going to come in and direct it instead of Milius, which pissed off the hardcore Conan fans who didn’t want El Mariachi-style comic violence, you see, because they could actually have CONAN THE BARBARIAN-style violence, which of course is preferred in such a case.

Anyways, it’s a big mess, but the bottom line is this: Ain’t-It-Cool News reported that Lions Gate, who has the right to Robert E. Howard’s Conan character, is teaming up with Nu Image/Milennium on a 100 million dollar new Conan Film. If that Nu Image/Milennium name sounds familiar, it’s because they’re the same ones I told you about who financed Rambo along with Stallone’s next two action films. I guess SOMEBODY likes action movies.

The new Conan project, sadly, probably isn’t going to have anything to do with John Milius’ vision, since it’s being directed by Xavier Gens (Hitman)and Sahara screenwriters Thomas Dean Donnelly and Joshua Oppenheimer are contracted to start work on a screenplay as soon as this Writer’s Strike ends. Speaking of which, a good way for the writers to deal with producers would be to use Snake Cult magic, like Thulsa Doom. Turning into a giant serpent in front of studio head Roger A. Trevanti would probably do the trick.

Now they will know why they are afraid of the dark. Now they learn why they fear the night.