Best of the Bad … ‘UHF’

“Life is like a mop. Sometimes life gets full of dirt and crud and hairballs and things and you gotta clean it out. You gotta stick it in here and rinse it off and start all over again. And sometimes life sticks to the floor so much that a mop, a mop, it’s not good enough. You gotta get down there with like a toothbrush, you know, and you gotta really scrub ’cause you gotta get it off. But if that doesn’t work, you can’t give up. You gotta stand right up. You gotta run to a window and say, ‘These floors are dirty as hell, and I’m not gonna take it any more.'” — Michael Richards as Stanley Spadowski

Now that’s a metaphorical quote for life. Forrest Gump’s box of chocolates can’t compete with this philosophical gem. UHF (1989) is one of the greatest comedies ever made. The film was directed by Jay Levey, who has made virtually every ‘Wierd’ Al Yankovic music video. UHF just happens to have received a bad rap by non-believers of the b-movie genre.

‘Wierd’ Al Yankovic plays George Newman, a slacker on a mission to save his local public access television station that his uncle won in a card game. Newman is given the station to run, but struggles to develop quality programming and keep the station afloat. Locals volunteer to produce various off-the-wall programs, including Wheels of Fish and Raul’s Wild Kingdom, whereas Raul attempts to teach poodles to fly.

One of my personal favorite moments in UHF is when Stanley Spadowski, played by Michael Richards (Seinfeld), tells a young boy on his popular kid’s show he has won. The boy has been competing at a game whereas he must locate a marble in a kiddie pool filled with oatmeal. He holds up the marble in excitement and Spadowski yells, “You’ve found the marble in the oatmeal! You know what that means? You get to drink from the firehouse!” [Audience applauds] Please don’t try and make since of this … you’ll only hurt yourself. I can only say you have to see it to understand.